eleanor

Here I am on day 5 and all I can think about is going out to buy a bottle of wine. I'm OBSESSING over it. I just want to quiet my mind and the only way I can figure I can do that is to get the wine and drink it. I miss the way I feel after a couple of glasses. The carefree feeling, the relaxation that comes with it. I wish I could trust myself to stop at a glass or two but I know better than that.

The only thing that's keeping me from getting it is knowing that I'll be filled with shame, regret and self loathing tomorrow morning if I do. But damnit right now I know it would taste and feel so good.

Dee74

Did you really still get that tho?

All I got at the end of my drinking career was frustration and anxiety cos it *didn't* do what I wanted it to...and then took me to places I didn't want to be, and doing things I didn't want to do.

Play the tape through to the end...remember the consequences of your drinking...read your first posts here if it helps...or other peoples posts...drinking is anything but carefree and relaxing for most of us.

D

stephnc

I know exactly how you feel, eleanor...been there. It does get better, I promise. Are you in AA? I find there's no better cure for a craving than an AA meeting - so if you're into that (or if you haven't tried it yet) I'd highly recommend checking it out. Take care and hang in there...Stephanie

eleanor

I've never been to AA but I found a meeting in my neighborhood that is taking place in 45 minutes. I'm terrified of going. What if I see someone I know? (I'm a closet drinker). I'm a shy person anyway - do I have to speak or can I just sit and listen? I'm so nervous about going.

PS - Steph is that a mandala in your avatar space?

Galago

Eleanor-- I am relating!!! But- right now I'm enjoying a herbal tea with organic honey, and watching the Blue Jays. And on here to chat. The counselor I saw today suggested that I also try AA again, but also this organization called LifeRing.

The tea I'm drinking is helping with my wine craving too. Do you have anything yummy in your fridge thats alcohol free?

MrBBB

You don't really have to speak if you don't want to, especially since you are a newcomber to meetings. There are plenty of other people who love to share their stories. I am also very shy, so I seldom talked at meetings.

eleanor

Thank you so much G. I am going to fix myself dinner (maybe part of my craving is coming from not eating yet) and make some tea after.

I'll google this LifeRing you speak of too!

PS - I'm a Blue Jays fan too! You reminded me to turn the game on.

Dee74

It's unlikely, but if you meet someone you know, they'll be there for the same reason you are Eleanor

D

artsoul

Yeah,that's always the kicker.... I kept drinking and thinking things would be different the next day or a couple days down the road. You know, maybe I would be able to get sober tomorrow or next week. Unfortunately, there never seemed to be a good time to quit.

That obsessive craving is no fun, I know. The first week or two were the worst for me, but things have gotten easier since then. I think if we can outlast the craving, it takes a little power away from it so that it gets smaller and smaller. Hang in there and (like Dee said), play the tape out to the end: what will most likely happen if you continue to drink?

Anna

Eleanor, I'm glad you're getting through this and I hope your evening goes well.

AtlasMcGee

Whenever I do not allow myself to simply let a thought be passing & I begin to think on it (dwell on it), then it will gather more power & turn into a craving & then an action. In order to counteract this process I need to immediately replace that thought or have backup action alternatives, like the nonalcoholic something tasty to drink that Galago mentioned.

Congrats on beginning day 6!!

MelindaFlowers

Hi Eleanor,

I also got wicked cravings the first few days. What's helped to curb the craving in the evenings for is a glass of ice, fill almost all the way with diet tonic, and add a splash of cranberry juice. This combo has worked miracles for me for the past 9 days.

Adepitice

Our mind is so tricky sometimes. It makes you remeber only the good about something and forget all the shame and guilt and misery that came with it.

Try to focus on that and it will be much easier not to desire a drink.

eleanor

Thanks in part to all of your support and encouraging words, today is day 6 and I am SO happy about it! One day at a time...

Grace2

I went to my first meeting last week and like you i was terrified. I just sat and cried all the way through it. I;ve been to a couple more since and did the same, but the welcome I recieved and the support has been second to none. i was also worried about seeing someone I know, but I now realise that if I do it is because they are in the same boat as me! Every single person in the A.A is there because they share the same affliction! Just try it. I have made so many friends in just a week and have been given so many numbers to phone or text if I am in need! Be brave and do it! Do it for you!

least

Congrats and hugs on reaching day six! Hang in there and don't let those cravings and the alcoholic voice lie to you. It does get better and the cravings DO go away after a while. I've got almost seven months and rarely get cravings any more. My life is so much simpler and better sober I'm amazed that I ever drank like I did.

Do whatever you can to stay strong. And no, you don't have to speak in meetings. Just say you're only there to listen right now. THey'll understand. Stay strong - it DOES get better.

Fubarcdn

Although I hate to admit it I am a Blue Jays fan too.
I found that taking the money I would have spent on drinking and going down to the game gets me out of the house and away from thinking about drinking.
It is an aid in breaking the pattern.
Give it a try.
Besides, with game attendance what it is the team can use all the support it can get.

eleanor

Ah, another Jays fan! One thing I can be sure of if I go to a game: no drinking! I refuse to pay $8 for a can of beer!

Nice to see a fellow Torontonian on here.

Kjell

Feelings and thoughts like the one you describe are reminders to me that I am powerless over alcohol.

I know I cannot drink, I know all the consequences that come from drinking (and I've had my share), but why then do I continue to think it's ok this time or it'll be different this time?

Maybe this is true for you too?

I'm now close to 6 months since my last drink, mostly b/c of AA. I think I've found a solution to my alcoholism.

eleanor

Yes, I really do believe I am powerless over alcohol. It is HARD to admit that to myself. But I don't know how else to put it. I know how I'm going to feel the next morning. I know it costs me a lot of money. But yet...when I'm drinking, I do love the way it makes me feel. It's the REST of it that I don't like. And if I "play the tape to the end" I doubt I'd like the way it makes me feel if I keep this up.