Chino

Right now, this moment, my world is good, though I have no idea what it might be like in 5 minutes. Something terrible could happen at work (construction) or my RAD could relapse. All sorts of wicked things could happen at any time with any of my loved ones.

I recently posted that fear is my enemy. Well, I need to revise that. Projected fear is my enemy. Fear is my friend when danger is present.

One of my codie behaviors was putting all my fears on my daughter. It was easier for me to condense all my anticipated fears and put them on her, including the anger and pain that went with it. I saw myself in her and made her my mirror. On the flip side, I didn't condense all my love and hopes, put them on her.

I'm dealing with all my fears again; it's a good place I knew years ago, but it's better now. I still have moments where projected fear creeps in, but just like I used to do, I pray with love and let it go. If it comes back, I do it again and that's the difference. I have to keep letting it go. I got in trouble when I stopped.

About two weeks ago, I was thinking about a shift in my family. It's a good one and while my daughter is part of it, she's not all of it. I'm savoring every aspect and moment of love, because I know it might be the last for whomever, including me.

Now, with so many recent lost lives - may all who have gone RIP - I see and feel their passing as another opportunity for me to grow in love, instead of fear. They were loved and I truly believe that love is freely shared with us from the beyond. I'm accepting their gift of love and will share it, too.

Prayers for serenity, for all of us.

Ann

Thank you, Chino, I think you put the finger on something I have been struggling with too, and it's good for me to get back to the basics, starting with Step 1.

I too have felt huge loss with our members here who have lost their loved ones. So many in such a short time, it has made my heart heavy and sad.

I feel helpless sometimes, and wish I could do something, but instead I have been living in fear that my son could be next.

I will no longer live in that fear, tomorrow is not mine to control and fear has been my enemy for far too long.

So today I will offer my shoulder, my ears to listen when those who are in deep pain want to share, and my heart and prayers for each one of them.

I too will pray and let God comfort those who suffer, and live in love today for the "family" I have found here, and love for those who are sad and hope that in some way, my love will comfort them too.

Thanks Chino, I needed to work through this today. I'm not sure if this is what you intended but I am grateful that you put it "out there" for me/us to think about.

Hugs

keepinon

I am so glad you brought this up, Chino. Spitual Seekers loss shocked me so much I was in disbelief. And they just keep on coming..Last night my meeting was about fear. Of course these losses are scaring me to death, my daughter is a heroin addict. But I am trying to acknowledge the fear, acknowledge that YES, people do die from this disease, but, I have ZERO control. I know that what I am doing is what I should be doing and who knows what my daughters outcome will be. I for one have to keep some hoe for her and for me. Matter of fact just got a HOPE tatoo on my wrist to remind me! This has been such a scary, sad time with all the losses and am trying to let it remind that I only have today.

Freedom1990

What a beautiful post, Chino. Thank you.

:ghug3

Serenity Bound

Thank you, Chino.

Chris

BBD

Thanks Chino, This is a great post and I am thankful you put it out there. I suppose we are all living with fear that things could change in an instant. Even thou my son has been healthy for months I'm stuck in the time when he wasn't. How do you step over that line and enjoy every sober day? Its so hard to get rid of the memories of so many horrible days. How can I believe him when he says he never wants to go back there? I guess the passing of our members children here have affected all of us...but hopefully, together we can have hope that some of our kids will make it and stay on the other side. Hugs, Bonnie

Chino

I was out of town last weekend and had been reading the board but didn't have time to post.

My daughter and I were driving together when a wreck happened right in front of us. Speed and rain were huge factors and my daughter suspected the driver at fault was also under the influence.

Anyway, as soon as I pulled over and before I could call 911, my daughter was out the door, stopping traffic and checking on everyone. The car that was hit was crumpled from both ends and the passenger (a mom) trapped but fine. Her daughter was the driver and she was understandably in shock.

My daughter was having flashbacks and so was the mom; they had both been passengers in injury accidents before. The mom was clinging to my daughter, crying and sharing until the police got there. My daughter stayed with her until they got her out. I gave the daughter permission to cry when she tried to be brave and kept apologizing for her tears.

There was just so much love shared between us strangers, joined together by a shared experience. Healing began soon after the trauma did.

Between that experience and all the lost lives here, it again drove home the point that life is so fragile. I had to decide if I would live it in fear or in love. I've chosen love.

I think most of us have heard that the best way to honor someone who has passed, is to live life well. I've decided it's a good way to honor those who are still with me, too.