Jess01

Ok so Ive discovered that Im a fully fledged codie.

Im terrified that I will keep making the same mistakes.
Is it enough to listen to your instincts to keep you on the right path?
What if (theres that codie speak) my instincts are wrong?

bookwyrm

I'm not an Al Anon person - too introverted I think - but I know that others here would recommend joining and getting a sponsor to work the steps.

Have you read Codependent No More? Have you followed the activities in it? I re read it for a 'tune up' every few months or so. Counselling helped me start to trust myself again. I still have a long way to go though. Lots of self reflection and examination of my motives help me to steer clear of my codie impulses. Maintaining a level of self awareness to stop big codie relapses is exhausting at first but soon becomes a habit. This site has helped me so much too!

You can do this. You don't need to live the way you have been living. You can find your centre again!

mrphillipctrs1

waking up to being a codie is definitely a scary thing.

But as told on this forum, waking up to the fact, is half the battle to getting better.

You are already 50% there!

I would also recommend Codependent No More.

keepinon

friends in alanon are awesome cuz you can double check your codie instincts. I personally do not trust my instincts right now..they are more of REACTIONS and I want to RESPOND. Therapist told me its like making a new path thru the forest, hard work, have to do it many times for the new path to replace the old. My instincts always tell me to JUMP in.. HELP, tell other people WHAT TO DO! but when I stop and think where that has gotten me, I usually shut up, don't "help", and don't give advice that is clearly not wanted!

Jess01

thanks guys

I have just finished reading Co-Dependent No More and I guess its the whole realisation of being a codie has hit me and Im scared.
Although, my instincts have always been pretty good, its just listening to them is the issue!

There are Al-Anon meetings here so I might check those out.

coffeedrinker

Good question, Jess. I'm scared as well. I wanna go through the rest of my life with my eyes SO wide open, and I think I'm looking at everything as a red flag in someone's character.

Change never happens overnight.

S/R has been my greatest and most trusted resource.

(thanks, pals )

Jess01

Wouldnt it be nice if we had something telling us if the choice we are about to make is the right one and not a fueled 'codie choice'.
I guess they call that 'intuition'.

bookwyrm

My difficulty lay in that XAH would tell me (in his round about way) my choices were no good and show me which choice I ought to have made. It's taken me ages to start trusting myself again. But I am getting there! Letting go of the idea of fault in some situations has helped. Also working out my motivations for doing something alos helps.