caileesnana

I haven't been here in such a long time, much longer than I actually thought!

I read around some looking for some old friends. Just a quick update and request for any words that could help.

My AD made it almost 18-20 months clean. She relapsed twice in April, detox both times. I now have temporary guardianship of her toddler son. She was taking him to places and around people that are unacceptable. I begged her to sign a notarized form to keep it just between us, but she chose otherwise. We went to court with an atty, and spent too much money, (they are expensive!) and got the temporary orders.

She is in a sober house, supposedly working a program. This time she actually got a sponsor but her attitude and behavior remain disgusting. Of course I am every horrible name in the world for keeping the baby. She still doesn't accept anything she did as bad, or at least to me.

Over the weekend I was thinking WAY too much and decided I'd do better off with out her around. Haven't felt that way in such a long time. Truth is, I truly believed in her! She said she was staying clean for her son "not for her".

I have no idea where this will go or what will happen. I only know I (we) did what we felt we had to do to protect an innocent little boy. She said she would NEVER forgive me, whether she was sober or not!

Having a little trouble living with that.

Thanks
susan

Serenity Bound

(((Susan))) Sending you hugs. You did what you needed to do for an innocent little boy and that is ALL that counts.

Prayers,
Chris

hello-kitty

What's that old saying? Never say never...

Freedom1990

That's her own self-hatred redirected at you. She's obviously not ready to take ownership of her past behaviors.

I tried for years to get custody of my granddaughter. I did not have the financial resources to do it. CPS was a joke.

By the time my grandson came along, I had given up hope.

My grandchildren are now 14 and 9. Their father did get custody, but my granddaughter made the decision to live with her mother (my AD) this past school year, and her dad let her.

The effect of an addicted parent on those kids has been profound.

I keep them in my prayers.

They know that my home is a safe and loving environment when they come to visit.

I cherish the time I do have with them.

Your grandson is blessed to have you, and you are blessed to have him.

Turn your AD and her venomous words over to God. He's got big shoulders to carry that.

keepinon

How heartbreaking. i too have an AD..no grandkids yet thank god. Sounds like she may not have enough clean time yet to be in her right head. There should be a tv show "addicts say the darndest things!" I would let the remarks go on by right now and focus on the little guy who needs you. AD needs her rehab.. let her do it and ignore the quacking.

Ann

I feel good when someone steps up to be the voice of the child, who cannot speak for themselves at times like this.

Bless you for being the voice, bless you for loving this child enough to put his safety ahead of anything else.

Prayers going out for your daughter, that she may find a better path, healing and that she may one day see the unkindness of her actions.

Hugs

greeteachday

((((Susan)))) I too believe you have done what is right for this precious child who can not speak for himself. If she is telling you she does not want to be sober and that she will "never" forgive you; whether not using or not, the addiction is speaking. When the time comes where she truly wants a change and will do what it takes; I suspect you will hear something totally different. Stick around for awhile and share in the support - it always helps. Thank you for being there for your grandson.

newnormal4me

I feel like I'm in the same boat as you, except it is my AH...when we take appropriate stands we somehow end up being the bad guys. I can't even tell you how bad my AH's words have hurt me recently. I'm having a hard time too.

****{HUGS}}} to you. Your grandson is a lucky little boy. You are without a doubt doing the right thing for him. Too bad she doesn't see things right - sounds like she is just being selfish. Take care.

Nina Kay

Hi Susan. I feel that what you've done for that innocent little boy is wonderfully admirable. And what she said about her never forgiving you is something I too believe will change with sobriety and the clear thinking that comes with that. When they use drugs, it completely rewires their thinking and when they've been drug-free for a long period of time their minds correct themselves so that they can think clearly again and they are able to see things more clearly. You have definitely done the best thing for the child which is the innocent one in all of this. I only hope that I can be as strong as you when & if the time comes. I know that it's nearing & I pray that I'll know when the time is right to take that stand as you have done. Stand strong and know that you've done the right thing, no matter what anyone says. That's my 2 cents for whatever it's worth.

Starburst

Hi sending you lots of prayers and hugs xxx

Impurrfect

(((Susan))) - you've been on my mind, a lot, lately....now I know why.

I'm so glad you have temporary guardianship of your grandson. As far as your daughter saying she will never forgive you? pffffffft. She's had a good bit of recovery and that tends to mess with our minds. Yes, we can go back "out there", and do it for a long time, but for some of us, it has enough of an effect that it truly messes with our high, and that's a good thing...here's praying that it happens with your daughter.

Dust off the tools in that recovery tool belt of yours, stick around here, and enjoy that grandson of yours. Let your AD be angry...I can assure you her anger is more at herself, she's just placing it on you, because that's what we A's do. I know it probably hurts, but it really has nothing to DO with you.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

rayofsunshine

Sending (((HUGS))) also. You did the right thing for your grandson! Your daughter is just spreading blame and harsh words right now because she's not ready to own up to her part in this. With more recovery, things will hopefully become more clear to her. Just know you are doing the best thing for all involved. I will say a prayer for your daughter.

smacked

Your grandbaby is very blessed to have you.

coffeedrinker

Don't know you, but do wanna support you in doing the right thing by your grandson. It's quite a commitment; shows what a loving heart you have.

As for the comment about not forgiving you, when she is in recovery, she will rekant. It sounds very typical of an addict.

tjp613

If you had to choose between the forgiveness of your AD or the forgiveness of your grandchild, which would be more important to you? That is your choice....not a pretty one, but an important one. Your daughter willfully made her choices. She made those choices knowing the risks. She lost and she blames you because it's so much easier than looking in the mirror. You hold your head up high and love that child. You are doing a wonderful thing and he will never forget you for it.

It's a terrible position that you are in but you are handling it the best way you can. In the end that's all we can really do.

Your grandchild is very blessed.

Spiritual Seeker

She will forgive you when she truly gets sober and works with a sponsor to do the list work of resentments and places where she needs to make amends.
She will forgive you when she is in recovery and sees her part in the destruction of her life.
You keep doing the right thing and don't worry about her laying a guilt trip on you , which is her addicted mind's way of seeing this.
Detachment is often what we must do at times. Hopefully, her sustained recovery and ability to be a daughter and mother will come one day.

lostparent

Your AD loves her child so it's normal for her to be upset. But from what I've seen even though they love their kids the drugs have clouded their thinking. Having talked to my AD an her ABF they don't see what they are doing as being wrong. They honestly don't think anything bad will happen when they are using. So they don't see a problem taking the kids with them to buy the drugs or having the kids there when they shoot up. Because they think they have it under control..
My grandson told me dad had needles in his truck him an mom wouldn't let me see what they were with them. It made my blood run cold knowing they were using with him in the truck . I confronted them an was told it don't matter he didn't see us. When I ask what if you had got bad stuff or od'ed I was told that won't happen our dealer only sells good stuff an we know how much to use so we wouldn't OD ..They just don't get it their thinking is to messed up. Luckily we have guardianship of the kids. The parents are in court ordered rehab now.
So YES you did the right thing an some day God willing your daughter will see that an thank you for it.