I feel so lost
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1
I feel so lost
I'm a mother to a beautiful little baby boy. My fiance has had a pill and drug problem in the past. He was doing really well, or so I thought.
The year has been so difficult. He's just recently started to come to me saying that he needs help. I'm trying so hard. I changed the password to the bank account, make sure he knows that he can talk to me about anything, and making sure that he knows that we are love him more than anything.
He's been trying to quit for the last month, but it's not working out so well. He's started hiding things from me again and spending money that we don't have (cash advances). I'm trying to find a rehab center which we both agreed that he needed, but I just feel so lost. I'm starting to feel numb.
He is the only on working right now to support us and I know that is very hard on him. I want to find a rehab that he can go to, but I'm not sure how we will afford it. He can't lose this job and we barely have any money now as it is.
I though maybe your support and advice could help. Thank you so much.
The year has been so difficult. He's just recently started to come to me saying that he needs help. I'm trying so hard. I changed the password to the bank account, make sure he knows that he can talk to me about anything, and making sure that he knows that we are love him more than anything.
He's been trying to quit for the last month, but it's not working out so well. He's started hiding things from me again and spending money that we don't have (cash advances). I'm trying to find a rehab center which we both agreed that he needed, but I just feel so lost. I'm starting to feel numb.
He is the only on working right now to support us and I know that is very hard on him. I want to find a rehab that he can go to, but I'm not sure how we will afford it. He can't lose this job and we barely have any money now as it is.
I though maybe your support and advice could help. Thank you so much.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 71
I know that money being an obstacle is very hard for you, but please try to realize how wonderful it really is that he is coming to you and telling you that he needs help. So many addicts stay in denial for so long that they even have a problem, or they say that they can handle it on their own (my xbf's problem). It's really a gift that he is admitting that he needs help.
Now the hard work begins. Addiction is a family disease, and if affects everyone in the family. Are you in recovery meetings for yourself? Are you attending Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings? If not, I would encourage you to consider them for yourself and to gain strength.
As for him being the sole supporter of the family, depending on what kind of job he has, his employer may offer an Employee Assistance Program, his insurance may cover substance abuse treatment, and he can use his vacation time and short-term leave benefits to retain income while he is off work. The reason for his absence will be protected under the HIPAA law, which guarantees privacy for healthcare reasons.
If he does not have this level of benefits at his place of employment, then obviously some adjustments will need to be made within your family unit, and you will have to make some decisions regarding how to keep an income coming in while he is in treatment. There are low-cost and even free/state-funded rehab programs available, though they are few and far between and they aren't as plush as private rehab. Salvation Army treatment is the first to come to mind.
Good luck. It really is a good thing that he is reaching out for help.
Now the hard work begins. Addiction is a family disease, and if affects everyone in the family. Are you in recovery meetings for yourself? Are you attending Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings? If not, I would encourage you to consider them for yourself and to gain strength.
As for him being the sole supporter of the family, depending on what kind of job he has, his employer may offer an Employee Assistance Program, his insurance may cover substance abuse treatment, and he can use his vacation time and short-term leave benefits to retain income while he is off work. The reason for his absence will be protected under the HIPAA law, which guarantees privacy for healthcare reasons.
If he does not have this level of benefits at his place of employment, then obviously some adjustments will need to be made within your family unit, and you will have to make some decisions regarding how to keep an income coming in while he is in treatment. There are low-cost and even free/state-funded rehab programs available, though they are few and far between and they aren't as plush as private rehab. Salvation Army treatment is the first to come to mind.
Good luck. It really is a good thing that he is reaching out for help.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
The other alternative is to detox at a facility over just a few days then join an outpatient program for treatment (usually called "intensive outpatient"). There's always AA or NA and with the help of a sponsor, working the program and going to meetings he could have a very good shot at success....or at least as good as an inpatient plan.
Good luck. Keep coming back. You'll find a lot of support here.
Good luck. Keep coming back. You'll find a lot of support here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
Amber,
You are not alone.
I believe he can take up to 12 weeks off work (without pay if he doesn't have vacation or sick time) and he cannot lose his job due to the leave, under the Family & Medical Leave Act. I would suggest that a solid recovery, and new start in life is well worth a relatively small financial setback. If he's doing street drugs, and even if he's not, he's probably spending a lot the way things are now anyway.
You are not alone.
I believe he can take up to 12 weeks off work (without pay if he doesn't have vacation or sick time) and he cannot lose his job due to the leave, under the Family & Medical Leave Act. I would suggest that a solid recovery, and new start in life is well worth a relatively small financial setback. If he's doing street drugs, and even if he's not, he's probably spending a lot the way things are now anyway.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
My youngest daughter's name is Amber. 
NA meetings are free if he's truly serious about finding recovery.
As Ann said, the Salvation Army has a free rehab program.
How old is your son? I have twin step-grandsons who will be 2 in September.
NA meetings are free if he's truly serious about finding recovery.
As Ann said, the Salvation Army has a free rehab program.
How old is your son? I have twin step-grandsons who will be 2 in September.
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