Significant Others During First Week: Normal to Want to Take a Wiffle Bat to Them?
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Significant Others During First Week: Normal to Want to Take a Wiffle Bat to Them?
Hi Friends,
Not sure where to start so I'm just going to blabber.
Okay, I have been sober about a week. Needless to say my emotional state has been pretty all-over-the-map. What I've needed and had the past week is lots of alone time and to avoid stressful situations. My partner has been at work everyday which has been a big help.
Honestly, I've been a little surprised to find out what I am truly capable this past week. I've gone to the liquor store to buy cigarettes. Walk in walk out without any hesitation. Score 1 for me. Drinking juice and diet tonic in the evening. Score 2 for me. Working out for 90 minutes a day. Score 3. Sleep every night like a baby. Insert really loud record scratching sound
Okay, so as Dr. Laura would say: what's the question?
1. My partner is a heavy drinker (not alcoholic). He drank a similar amount to me but can stop without much of a thought anytime and has. I needed it.
Okay, the past week since we've both been booze free he waltzes around the house, exclaiming "isn't this great? I have so much energy! Wanna go for a 15 miles hike tomorrow? I don't miss drinking at all! Tra la la. Top of the world. When I don't drink I don't smoke. My lungs feel free....tra la la.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch reading SR and thinking shut-up-shut-up-shut-up. Like fingernails on a chalkboard. I find it much easier to not talk about it all, with him at least. My outlet is here.
So in one sentence: Is it normal to not want to hear lots and lots of fluffy positivity during your first week? Is it a normal withdrawal symptom to want to take a Wiffle bat to your partner in the first days?
2. The Insomnia.
This past week my only withdrawal symptoms have been irritability and terrible insomnia. I am not working right now so I have somehow settled on a 6 am-2 pm sleep schedule. It's been great while my partner has been working everyday. Wake up, thankful that I slept at all.
Everyday when I wake up so late I feel a little embarrassed. It's way after lunch time. I wake up and feel bad that I've wasted so much of the day not looking for a job, which I really need right now.
But, then I stop, think, and remind myself that this is my first week.
One of my partner's biggest pet peeves is people who sleep in past 7 am. Another one is when he has no experience with other people's predicaments, problems. Insomnia for example. Every night at 10 pm he asks me, "So are you going to sleep soon?" I say "soon enough." He'll ask again "What time?"
"Soon!" One tip for significant others: don't ask us questions more than once during our first week. Take whatever answer you get and go with it.
Anyways, today was his first day off. He woke up at 6 am. As I dozed off to sleep I could hear him and dogs shuffling around the house. It felt great to finally sleep.
1 pm: Bedroom door opens. "Good afternoon" he said in a smart ass voice. I croak "good morning," (reaching under the bed for a blunt object). "It's almost 1 o'clock. What time did you go to bed?
Me: 6 am.I told you I have insomnia! I'm happy that I slept for as long as I did.
Him: Yeah but it's almost one o'clock. I thought you were going to sleep earlier.
Me: I've told you it's not easy to stop drinking . Look it up on the internet. It's a withdrawal symptom. Stop drinking, stop sleeping. Get it?
Him: Yeah, but you've slept the whole day.
Me: (getting really upset) I TOLD YOU>I stopped drinking and now I can't sleep. You've told me to stop drinking for a long time. Well now I have. happy? It's not like I work today.
Then he really lit the fuse to the Melinda nuclear bomb:::::
Him: Of course you're off. You don't have a job
I whirled out the front door, sped off and here I sit using Mcdonalds handy WiFi.
He is a good person. He means well. However, he is prideful, self-righteous, and not sure how to deal with me now. I've been drunk for three years.
I would love to hear your stories about your dealings with your significant others during your first week.
One more question: Do they sell Wiffle bats at Target?
Not sure where to start so I'm just going to blabber.
Okay, I have been sober about a week. Needless to say my emotional state has been pretty all-over-the-map. What I've needed and had the past week is lots of alone time and to avoid stressful situations. My partner has been at work everyday which has been a big help.
Honestly, I've been a little surprised to find out what I am truly capable this past week. I've gone to the liquor store to buy cigarettes. Walk in walk out without any hesitation. Score 1 for me. Drinking juice and diet tonic in the evening. Score 2 for me. Working out for 90 minutes a day. Score 3. Sleep every night like a baby. Insert really loud record scratching sound
Okay, so as Dr. Laura would say: what's the question?
1. My partner is a heavy drinker (not alcoholic). He drank a similar amount to me but can stop without much of a thought anytime and has. I needed it.
Okay, the past week since we've both been booze free he waltzes around the house, exclaiming "isn't this great? I have so much energy! Wanna go for a 15 miles hike tomorrow? I don't miss drinking at all! Tra la la. Top of the world. When I don't drink I don't smoke. My lungs feel free....tra la la.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch reading SR and thinking shut-up-shut-up-shut-up. Like fingernails on a chalkboard. I find it much easier to not talk about it all, with him at least. My outlet is here.
So in one sentence: Is it normal to not want to hear lots and lots of fluffy positivity during your first week? Is it a normal withdrawal symptom to want to take a Wiffle bat to your partner in the first days?
2. The Insomnia.
This past week my only withdrawal symptoms have been irritability and terrible insomnia. I am not working right now so I have somehow settled on a 6 am-2 pm sleep schedule. It's been great while my partner has been working everyday. Wake up, thankful that I slept at all.
Everyday when I wake up so late I feel a little embarrassed. It's way after lunch time. I wake up and feel bad that I've wasted so much of the day not looking for a job, which I really need right now.
But, then I stop, think, and remind myself that this is my first week.
One of my partner's biggest pet peeves is people who sleep in past 7 am. Another one is when he has no experience with other people's predicaments, problems. Insomnia for example. Every night at 10 pm he asks me, "So are you going to sleep soon?" I say "soon enough." He'll ask again "What time?"
"Soon!" One tip for significant others: don't ask us questions more than once during our first week. Take whatever answer you get and go with it.
Anyways, today was his first day off. He woke up at 6 am. As I dozed off to sleep I could hear him and dogs shuffling around the house. It felt great to finally sleep.
1 pm: Bedroom door opens. "Good afternoon" he said in a smart ass voice. I croak "good morning," (reaching under the bed for a blunt object). "It's almost 1 o'clock. What time did you go to bed?
Me: 6 am.I told you I have insomnia! I'm happy that I slept for as long as I did.
Him: Yeah but it's almost one o'clock. I thought you were going to sleep earlier.
Me: I've told you it's not easy to stop drinking . Look it up on the internet. It's a withdrawal symptom. Stop drinking, stop sleeping. Get it?
Him: Yeah, but you've slept the whole day.
Me: (getting really upset) I TOLD YOU>I stopped drinking and now I can't sleep. You've told me to stop drinking for a long time. Well now I have. happy? It's not like I work today.
Then he really lit the fuse to the Melinda nuclear bomb:::::
Him: Of course you're off. You don't have a job
I whirled out the front door, sped off and here I sit using Mcdonalds handy WiFi.
He is a good person. He means well. However, he is prideful, self-righteous, and not sure how to deal with me now. I've been drunk for three years.
I would love to hear your stories about your dealings with your significant others during your first week.
One more question: Do they sell Wiffle bats at Target?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
My suggestion is to focus on yourself, and just yourself.
Early sobriety is really hard and, for me it took all my energy to get through a day and to manage to do the necessary things around the house. You will find that you feel a bit better each day as you move along in recovery.
It's really hard for others to understand how hard recovery is, so coming here to talk to us is a good idea!
Early sobriety is really hard and, for me it took all my energy to get through a day and to manage to do the necessary things around the house. You will find that you feel a bit better each day as you move along in recovery.
It's really hard for others to understand how hard recovery is, so coming here to talk to us is a good idea!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 94
Hey Melinda,
I've just made it to one week sober and I chose the week my fiance has been overseas to do it! This is because although I love him so much, we can tend to fight over a lot of little things. He is a very laid back, take it as it comes sort of guy whereas I am neurotic, OCD stresshead!
I found the previous two times I tried to get to a week sober I would be feeling so crappy, he would do something to **** me off or just day to day life was so stressful in itself, and I wanted to uphold a strong front, so I was like screw it I'll have a drink whenever something stressed me out to my coping levels.
This week I've wrapped myself up in cotton wool, eaten heaps of chocolate, gone to bed when I feel I needed to, went out when I feel I needed to etc etc, without having to schedule my life around someone elses which has been a HUGE help for me.
It's not that I don't love him like crazy but he doesn't know what I'm going through, he's not an alcoholic and he is so understanding of my stress-head ways but at least this week i've been able to take the time to myself without worrying that he's upset about it.
So in short, yes its totally normal to want to take a wiffle bat to your partners head in the first week lol!
Lily xoxo
I've just made it to one week sober and I chose the week my fiance has been overseas to do it! This is because although I love him so much, we can tend to fight over a lot of little things. He is a very laid back, take it as it comes sort of guy whereas I am neurotic, OCD stresshead!
I found the previous two times I tried to get to a week sober I would be feeling so crappy, he would do something to **** me off or just day to day life was so stressful in itself, and I wanted to uphold a strong front, so I was like screw it I'll have a drink whenever something stressed me out to my coping levels.
This week I've wrapped myself up in cotton wool, eaten heaps of chocolate, gone to bed when I feel I needed to, went out when I feel I needed to etc etc, without having to schedule my life around someone elses which has been a HUGE help for me.
It's not that I don't love him like crazy but he doesn't know what I'm going through, he's not an alcoholic and he is so understanding of my stress-head ways but at least this week i've been able to take the time to myself without worrying that he's upset about it.
So in short, yes its totally normal to want to take a wiffle bat to your partners head in the first week lol!
Lily xoxo
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Lancashire, UK
Posts: 24
It may be hard for your partner to have to live with a new woman, he has put up with your drinking for 3 years and possibly become accustomed to it!
All I can say is that I am separated from my wife and children due to my alcoholism and I have come to realise you don't know what you have until it's gone. If you truly want to stay with your partner then forgive him for what comments he has offended you with and consider that because he doesn't and probably can't understand what your going through in the early stages of sobriety that they are from a well meaning but unknowledgeable mind. Stay sober and every annoyance/irritability will either subside or you can act upon it and come to a good solution.
BTW what is a "wiffle bat"?
All I can say is that I am separated from my wife and children due to my alcoholism and I have come to realise you don't know what you have until it's gone. If you truly want to stay with your partner then forgive him for what comments he has offended you with and consider that because he doesn't and probably can't understand what your going through in the early stages of sobriety that they are from a well meaning but unknowledgeable mind. Stay sober and every annoyance/irritability will either subside or you can act upon it and come to a good solution.
BTW what is a "wiffle bat"?
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 401
Congrats on your week of sobriety. I echo what others have said that he is probably in uncharted waters not knowing what changes to expect right now. Just make sure you're priority #1 right now and try not to analyze what others say right now.
I got off work last night and came through the door and my g/f asked me if I had been drinking. I got so very angry as ever day of my sobriety has been a struggle and to be accused of drinking when I was not was incredibly insulting to me. I reminded myself that me coming home under the influence is exactly been what she had expected every day for the past x8 years so it is going to take some time to trust the new "sober" me.
I got off work last night and came through the door and my g/f asked me if I had been drinking. I got so very angry as ever day of my sobriety has been a struggle and to be accused of drinking when I was not was incredibly insulting to me. I reminded myself that me coming home under the influence is exactly been what she had expected every day for the past x8 years so it is going to take some time to trust the new "sober" me.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers 
So in one sentence: Is it normal to not want to hear lots and lots of fluffy positivity during your first week? Is it a normal withdrawal symptom to want to take a Wiffle bat to your partner in the first days?
I also have no idea what a wiffle bat is, but I do know I'd like to hit my partner in the head with something that would make a lovely, satisfying thudding sound.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Clarification:
A Wiffle bat is a big, plastic, hollow kids toy. They make a big bop sound when you hit the plastic Wiffle ball. Truly harmless.
I apologize for any confusion. I do not condone any type of violence.
Just write it off as the The Diary of a Mad Sober Person.
A Wiffle bat is a big, plastic, hollow kids toy. They make a big bop sound when you hit the plastic Wiffle ball. Truly harmless.
I apologize for any confusion. I do not condone any type of violence.
Just write it off as the The Diary of a Mad Sober Person.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Melinda)) my DOC was crack, so I don't have experience with alcohol withdrawals, but as far as early recovery, my experience was irritability was an understatement!!
I had a nasty relapse, came back home with my tail tucked between my legs,close to $1,000 spent that I didn't have, had lost my job and was really sick with bronchitis....this after an 8-day relapse.
I was snapping at everyone in my family. I finally just told them I was sorry, I didn't mean it, but I also didn't seem to have much control of it. I tried to stay to myself as much as possible.
I started looking for jobs, online, as soon as I got over the bronchitis and woke up (slept for about 3 days...hadn't slept during the 8-day relapse). I worked WITH my dad on his job, some, and that was pretty humbling. At the end of the month, I "sort of" got my old job back....waiting tables for the same restaurant, but had to go to a different location.
I also understand what ((blue2)) said. I'd put my family through hell, and was filled with a lot of shame and remorse. However, though crack has no PHYSICAL withdrawals, the mental ones are pretty tough.
I totally understand wanting to get the Wiffle bat out
Your husband doesn't understand (my family didn't, either), but it DOES get better. Like I said, I snapped, apologized, snapped, apologized...went to my room. I also hung out on SR a LOT (once I got another laptop...mine was stolen during my relapse).
Hang in there, it really does get better.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I had a nasty relapse, came back home with my tail tucked between my legs,close to $1,000 spent that I didn't have, had lost my job and was really sick with bronchitis....this after an 8-day relapse.
I was snapping at everyone in my family. I finally just told them I was sorry, I didn't mean it, but I also didn't seem to have much control of it. I tried to stay to myself as much as possible.
I started looking for jobs, online, as soon as I got over the bronchitis and woke up (slept for about 3 days...hadn't slept during the 8-day relapse). I worked WITH my dad on his job, some, and that was pretty humbling. At the end of the month, I "sort of" got my old job back....waiting tables for the same restaurant, but had to go to a different location.
I also understand what ((blue2)) said. I'd put my family through hell, and was filled with a lot of shame and remorse. However, though crack has no PHYSICAL withdrawals, the mental ones are pretty tough.
I totally understand wanting to get the Wiffle bat out
Your husband doesn't understand (my family didn't, either), but it DOES get better. Like I said, I snapped, apologized, snapped, apologized...went to my room. I also hung out on SR a LOT (once I got another laptop...mine was stolen during my relapse).Hang in there, it really does get better.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Well, you've retained your sense of humor through this - so add another point to the tally! 
I've been irritable as well (and my two daughters are living with me - you can imagine there's always a little drama going on). I try to keep things at a minimum stress level - I'm not worried about the housework as much, for example. Maybe if you talked to your husband and told him that you needed ALOT of space because your emotions are all over the place, he would give it to you. When I was married, I discovered that my husband didn't respond very well unless I spelled things out exactly: like "I need to be alone/quiet right now for a couple hours. Let's go out to eat afterward."
Good luck!
I've been irritable as well (and my two daughters are living with me - you can imagine there's always a little drama going on). I try to keep things at a minimum stress level - I'm not worried about the housework as much, for example. Maybe if you talked to your husband and told him that you needed ALOT of space because your emotions are all over the place, he would give it to you. When I was married, I discovered that my husband didn't respond very well unless I spelled things out exactly: like "I need to be alone/quiet right now for a couple hours. Let's go out to eat afterward."
Good luck!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Hey Mel,
I think this is all completely normal - I also think your partner could be Gandhi and he'd probably still get on your nerves the first couple of weeks....like others have said SR is a godsend
I don't know if you've seen this before but there may be something here than can help with the insomnia...
Insomnia? 42 Simple Tips to Help You Get to Sleep - Insomnia treatment, cures
D
I think this is all completely normal - I also think your partner could be Gandhi and he'd probably still get on your nerves the first couple of weeks....like others have said SR is a godsend
I don't know if you've seen this before but there may be something here than can help with the insomnia...
Insomnia? 42 Simple Tips to Help You Get to Sleep - Insomnia treatment, cures
D
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
feel free to take A Wiffle bat to Mr.Happy any time you wish Melinda
seriously,you are probally right where you are supossed to be
I remember I could sleep because I was working a hard construction job and I was out of it when I got home.What got on my nerves was my wife pampering me and showering me with affection and I just wanted to be left alone
I was quite ill for some time and anything would get on my nerves
seriously,you are probally right where you are supossed to be
I remember I could sleep because I was working a hard construction job and I was out of it when I got home.What got on my nerves was my wife pampering me and showering me with affection and I just wanted to be left alone
I was quite ill for some time and anything would get on my nerves
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
I was at rehab the first week... well, the first eight!!
It was a little dicey those first few nights (months
) when she poured herself that white wine spritzer...
She keeps her distance, boundaries in other words... She really didn't know what to say, so she said little
It was a little dicey those first few nights (months
) when she poured herself that white wine spritzer...She keeps her distance, boundaries in other words... She really didn't know what to say, so she said little
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Hang in there and so glad you are sober. I thought the wiffle bat comment was so funny....lolol....I have shared that sentiment many a time...hmmm.
I echo the other posters that this is new and most people do not do well with change. He is trying to find his place as you are trying to adjust to sobriety.
Try and force yourself to stay up all day (doesn't matter if you are in pjs dragging) and then crash at 8 or 9pm. Sleeping all day used to make me very depressed. I had to get over it by sucking it up and staying awake all day. Then I would force myself up at 6am dragging and my life was a lot better.
I got up and out and ran errands and got a job
He sounds like a pretty good guy to deal with the crap he has had to so lets cut him a break. I remember those first days being so rough and that thankfully I was completely alone or heads would've been rolling.
All the best!
I echo the other posters that this is new and most people do not do well with change. He is trying to find his place as you are trying to adjust to sobriety.
Try and force yourself to stay up all day (doesn't matter if you are in pjs dragging) and then crash at 8 or 9pm. Sleeping all day used to make me very depressed. I had to get over it by sucking it up and staying awake all day. Then I would force myself up at 6am dragging and my life was a lot better.
I got up and out and ran errands and got a job
He sounds like a pretty good guy to deal with the crap he has had to so lets cut him a break. I remember those first days being so rough and that thankfully I was completely alone or heads would've been rolling.
All the best!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Mississauga, ON
Posts: 15
Hi Melinda- I know this may sound silly coming from someone who is 48 hours sober (yay!) but one thing I learned in counseling class required by my last course (even though I had NO interest in taking that class!) is:
Respect yours, and others, feelings
You are what you are, you feel what you feel. Identify it. Express it, and get it out.
I often have to tell my guy, when I'm venting about something, "hey man, just listen. I don't need feedback, just give me a few minutes and listen." and oddly enough, he has become a good listener, unusual for men I've been with...
Whatever you do, don't let his attitude get you down. You can't control his behavior, but you can control yours!
PS I would also suggest getting that wiffle bat and finding a friendly scarecrow or something to take the beating.
Respect yours, and others, feelings
You are what you are, you feel what you feel. Identify it. Express it, and get it out.
I often have to tell my guy, when I'm venting about something, "hey man, just listen. I don't need feedback, just give me a few minutes and listen." and oddly enough, he has become a good listener, unusual for men I've been with...
Whatever you do, don't let his attitude get you down. You can't control his behavior, but you can control yours!
PS I would also suggest getting that wiffle bat and finding a friendly scarecrow or something to take the beating.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 105
I would not recommend the wiffleball bat approach. They tend to bend in half if something is hit too hard...ok seriously
It is OK to have those feeling, take a walk, pray, go to a meeting, talk to a sponsor..something
I just hit six months today and constantly she is either being too nice or too critical. But I am also a different person today than I was 6 months ago. So I am going to be off to Walmart to get one of those stubby fat plastic bats
It is OK to have those feeling, take a walk, pray, go to a meeting, talk to a sponsor..something
I just hit six months today and constantly she is either being too nice or too critical. But I am also a different person today than I was 6 months ago. So I am going to be off to Walmart to get one of those stubby fat plastic bats
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