Omega060610

Two weeks ago today, I woke up badly hung-over. I did my usual attempt at rehydration with half a litre of diet coke (which took an entire hour to get down). I somehow managed to get a small cup of yoghurt with granola into me for breakfast. I had no appetite for lunch. I basically just tried to stay still until evening. Dinner was a micro-waved pasta dish that I got down at 5 PM, so I could get past my trigger event (dinner). I went to bed sober but barely slept, and I felt just as bad the next day, only in a different way.

Today I woke up after a good night's sleep. I have had a full day with a healthy appetite and three good healthy home-cooked meals. I have spent the day in the garden enjoying the sun and taking care of my vegetable garden gettings lots of things done. My body feels good, and I can feel its joy and vitality whenever I use it. I have so much more energy and am so much more balanced.

It isn't all a dance on roses though. I have anger issues, and I do get cravings every day, but I remind myself why that happens and what the consequence would be if I caved -- so I don't. I try to move a bit forward with my life each day and hope that step by step I will find myself in a better place even though I don't know what it will be.

Life is scary now though. Alcohol was such a big part of my life that I am not sure how I will fill the void, but I will learn. I am not quite sure what kind of person I will be at the end of this process. I know I don't want to be the person I was, but it is quite disconcerting going on a journey with an unknown destination -- especially when the destination is your new self.

I have only started on the SMART recovery program in the last couple of days but will work on it each day. And I know I should start doing exercises too soon.

To sum it all up, I love being sober!

Anna

Yes, that is exactly what the beginning of recovery feels like. I had anger issues also and I defintely did not want to be the person I had been. But, I was a control-freak and not knowing what I would be like, was very disconcerting. As it turned out, some of the things I believed about myself were true, and some were not. But, the journey is amazing!

Ghostly

Congrats on a big accomplishment Omega! Hang in there. A lot of things will get easier, sum may soon. Take it slow and enjoy the things that you feel are already better. Try to find things that can fill that void. That will help a lot. Exercise is a great idea too.