Cravings, a meeting? , dread
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 143
Cravings, a meeting? , dread
I am now on day 3 and want my wine so badly I can honestly taste it...I am drinking lots of watered down green tea and (I know this sounds crazy) but once in a while when go to drink it I panic for a second thinking it's actually wine.. aggh! and then I wish it was..
I haven't had any physical withdrawal symptoms that I can really pinpoint, but the cravings are now really bad.. I am on day 3, but the day before I had only had one Corona at a work function, so I guess my body has really been without alcohol for 4 days.. and this is after drinking at least a bottle of wine on average every day for 5+ years..
So, the cravings are really bad right now. I have been holed up pretty much all weekend reading this board and reminding myself of all the reasons I can't just run out and get the wine I want so much.. I have tried quitting once before - made it to 30 days. Have been drinking steadily since that time and it's been a couple years since then.
I went to a couple of AA meetings during those 30 days, but never talked there and never sought out a sponsor. I guess I kept hoping someone would just "see" my need and come over and save me. I haven't been to a meeting this time and know it's probably where I need to really start. I am very, very anxious about going - hate the idea of pulling up in my car, seeing other people standing outside, not knowing anyone, going in and finding a seat, everyone else knowing each other, then not talking, or wanting to talk, but not doing it and feeling like a failure, not knowing how to go about finding a sponsor...even though I NEED to connect to someone with this and have some support.. I don't even know which type of meeting I should go to or what the differences are.. the steps petrify me right now to even think about - thinking about dealing with all those I hurt from my drinking truly paralyzes me at the thought... fills me with dread, guilt, and an overwhelming urge to drink..
I feel selfish for starting a thread on myself, but I don't know what to do here and I am really struggling to not run out and get my wine.. it would all be so much easier to deal with if I could just have a drink...I truly truly know that's not the truth - but that's what my head is telling me today..just a bottle...relief... (just writing that sounds so ridiculous...just a bottle! who thinks like that? ME)
Ok, I appreciate anyone who took the time to listend to my babbling....and I do realize how pitiful it must sound.. I feel a bit better for just getting it out there. I am very very thankful that I have found this site - it has at least helped immensely in getting me through the last 3 days.
I haven't had any physical withdrawal symptoms that I can really pinpoint, but the cravings are now really bad.. I am on day 3, but the day before I had only had one Corona at a work function, so I guess my body has really been without alcohol for 4 days.. and this is after drinking at least a bottle of wine on average every day for 5+ years..
So, the cravings are really bad right now. I have been holed up pretty much all weekend reading this board and reminding myself of all the reasons I can't just run out and get the wine I want so much.. I have tried quitting once before - made it to 30 days. Have been drinking steadily since that time and it's been a couple years since then.
I went to a couple of AA meetings during those 30 days, but never talked there and never sought out a sponsor. I guess I kept hoping someone would just "see" my need and come over and save me. I haven't been to a meeting this time and know it's probably where I need to really start. I am very, very anxious about going - hate the idea of pulling up in my car, seeing other people standing outside, not knowing anyone, going in and finding a seat, everyone else knowing each other, then not talking, or wanting to talk, but not doing it and feeling like a failure, not knowing how to go about finding a sponsor...even though I NEED to connect to someone with this and have some support.. I don't even know which type of meeting I should go to or what the differences are.. the steps petrify me right now to even think about - thinking about dealing with all those I hurt from my drinking truly paralyzes me at the thought... fills me with dread, guilt, and an overwhelming urge to drink..
I feel selfish for starting a thread on myself, but I don't know what to do here and I am really struggling to not run out and get my wine.. it would all be so much easier to deal with if I could just have a drink...I truly truly know that's not the truth - but that's what my head is telling me today..just a bottle...relief... (just writing that sounds so ridiculous...just a bottle! who thinks like that? ME)
Ok, I appreciate anyone who took the time to listend to my babbling....and I do realize how pitiful it must sound.. I feel a bit better for just getting it out there. I am very very thankful that I have found this site - it has at least helped immensely in getting me through the last 3 days.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi super and welcome! You don't sound pitiful at all - you sound just like me! I lived on this forum for the first couple of days, too - (I still do to a certain extent).
The cravings were bad for me the first week. There's something about starting to feel better physically, too, that makes us want to drink again. I just kept reading everyone's posts when I started "forgetting" how much I wanted to stay sober. I learned that it could only get worse and that I could soon expect health problems, if I didn't have them already.
It takes a while to get used to living in our own skin again, so be patient with yourself, OK? Also, get something a little more interesting than watered down green tea!! Treat yourself to some lattes, or smoothies - hell, even a big old piece of chocolate cake! I found that snacking (and eating sweets, especially since the body is craving that sugar in the alcohol) helped SO much.
Glad you're here and congrats on choosing to stay sober!
The cravings were bad for me the first week. There's something about starting to feel better physically, too, that makes us want to drink again. I just kept reading everyone's posts when I started "forgetting" how much I wanted to stay sober. I learned that it could only get worse and that I could soon expect health problems, if I didn't have them already.
It takes a while to get used to living in our own skin again, so be patient with yourself, OK? Also, get something a little more interesting than watered down green tea!! Treat yourself to some lattes, or smoothies - hell, even a big old piece of chocolate cake! I found that snacking (and eating sweets, especially since the body is craving that sugar in the alcohol) helped SO much.
Glad you're here and congrats on choosing to stay sober!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 143
Thank you so much for your reply and support.. I guess it's just where I am right now, but it made me cry...got to get out of this funk! I love the green tea 
, but I have been treating myself to good food - haven't done much cooking in the last few years, but actually cooked for just me last night (kids are at their dad's this weekend) , it made me feel really good to do that.. and it was yummy. I am going to get off my butt and go do some very needed housework before my kids get back... hoping my house will benefit with my new sobriety.. certainly has not been on the top of my "to do" list the last few years.. THANKS again for your kind words. Meant more than you know to hear from someone. I can do this.
, but I have been treating myself to good food - haven't done much cooking in the last few years, but actually cooked for just me last night (kids are at their dad's this weekend) , it made me feel really good to do that.. and it was yummy. I am going to get off my butt and go do some very needed housework before my kids get back... hoping my house will benefit with my new sobriety.. certainly has not been on the top of my "to do" list the last few years.. THANKS again for your kind words. Meant more than you know to hear from someone. I can do this.
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Hi and welcome.
Can you find a local AA helpline telephone number to call?
Perhaps tell them everything you have told us about your anxieties about meetings. They should be able to recommend a meeting for you.....they may even put you in contact with someone to take you into the meeting.
Once you get there, all you need to do is say you are new and you need some help. Find someone who looks like they are doing a job like making the coffee, greeting people, taking the actual meeting. If not, say it to the person sitting next to you. People will always help a newcomer if they know they are a newcomer.
Good luck and well done for quitting. You will get the help and support you need at AA.
Can you find a local AA helpline telephone number to call?
Perhaps tell them everything you have told us about your anxieties about meetings. They should be able to recommend a meeting for you.....they may even put you in contact with someone to take you into the meeting.
Once you get there, all you need to do is say you are new and you need some help. Find someone who looks like they are doing a job like making the coffee, greeting people, taking the actual meeting. If not, say it to the person sitting next to you. People will always help a newcomer if they know they are a newcomer.
Good luck and well done for quitting. You will get the help and support you need at AA.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi,
You're going through a lot of change, physical and emotional at this point, so being patient is the key. I made sure to eat well, something I had neglected when I was drinking. I also started walking, a lot, which really helped me to get through that horrible after-dinner time for me when I was desperate to have a drink. The walking also improved my mental outlook enormously.
Take care of yourself and do something nice for you!
You're going through a lot of change, physical and emotional at this point, so being patient is the key. I made sure to eat well, something I had neglected when I was drinking. I also started walking, a lot, which really helped me to get through that horrible after-dinner time for me when I was desperate to have a drink. The walking also improved my mental outlook enormously.
Take care of yourself and do something nice for you!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
When my kids would be gone (to visit their dad or whatever), I sometimes didn't know what to do with myself and it was always an opportunity to drink alone without having to worry about keeping it hidden.
I'm only 51 days into this, but I can tell you it has gotten alot better. I still have those antsy times when I don't really want to be with a sober me, but they're really rare. And there have been so many rewards from sobriety that it's just not worth tossing it all aside for a drink anymore.
Keep posting. There's always someone here 24/7, so hopefully you'll get all the support you need!
I'm only 51 days into this, but I can tell you it has gotten alot better. I still have those antsy times when I don't really want to be with a sober me, but they're really rare. And there have been so many rewards from sobriety that it's just not worth tossing it all aside for a drink anymore.
Keep posting. There's always someone here 24/7, so hopefully you'll get all the support you need!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Its weird that feeling about going to AA isn't it?! I was exactly the same...i still havent figured it out why it almost paralyzed me with fear...im not sure whether it was because i didnt want to sit with people like me, whether i knew that sobriety would all kick off there and i was afraid of change or whether i just didnt really want to stop...dunno just theories of mine??
Anyways i liked intentions suggestion of giving them a call...maybe i could have mustered that but i had in my head that i had to turn up at meeting alone go in and start talking to people which isnt really the case...so yeah get a number and call it explain how you feel and ask to meet someone before the meeting or out of the meeting for a coffee nearby...they m,ight say come to the meeting and meet there but then all you have to do is turn up with a look of disgust on your face, like i did, and just follow the person you rung...
Most people that are ready for change do find their first meeting a real help and come out quite excited by the prospect of actually being helped by someone with multiple years of sobriety to achieve the same...
We took a new guy to his very first meeting last week and he was scared as hell...i got him off of the subject of the meeting a few times on the way there by talking about general stuff and before he knew it he was there;-) He had a great time, we got him a Big Book and dropped him off clutching his new book so much that his knuckles were white...saw him at meeting 2 days ago and its only been 2 weeks since his last drink but he looks like a different person....
Hope you make that call and keep posting and letting us know how you get on:-)
Anyways i liked intentions suggestion of giving them a call...maybe i could have mustered that but i had in my head that i had to turn up at meeting alone go in and start talking to people which isnt really the case...so yeah get a number and call it explain how you feel and ask to meet someone before the meeting or out of the meeting for a coffee nearby...they m,ight say come to the meeting and meet there but then all you have to do is turn up with a look of disgust on your face, like i did, and just follow the person you rung...
Most people that are ready for change do find their first meeting a real help and come out quite excited by the prospect of actually being helped by someone with multiple years of sobriety to achieve the same...
We took a new guy to his very first meeting last week and he was scared as hell...i got him off of the subject of the meeting a few times on the way there by talking about general stuff and before he knew it he was there;-) He had a great time, we got him a Big Book and dropped him off clutching his new book so much that his knuckles were white...saw him at meeting 2 days ago and its only been 2 weeks since his last drink but he looks like a different person....
Hope you make that call and keep posting and letting us know how you get on:-)
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 91
You sound just like me. I can go a few days without drinking and then the cravings is overwhelming. Then I drink. Everytime I go AA i'm thinking to myself that I will be glad to quit drinking so I could quit the meetings. I can't stand sitting around the table having everyone stare at me all at once. But, I go anyway and it is getting a lil easier.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 143
Thank you so much for all who have posted. I haven't gotten any housework done, but I DID make the call to AA. Talked to the woman for a bit and she is calling me back. She works at a shelter and had to do an intake... she mentioned when some of the soonest meetings are and I can't make the one tonight because my kids are coming back soon.. I hope to hear of one tomorrow afternoon that I can attend. She talked to me a bit about getting "temporary" sponsor at least in the beginning.. also told me that I should get as many women's phone numbers as I can while I am there.. can't imagine calling a stranger when I need help, but apparently that's why they give their numbers.. Still craving desperately and keep stopping myself from running up to the market.. keep telling myself I need this or that.. but know the underlying reason will be to pick up some wine..keep reading these tales of relapses and am starting to tell myself that I will relapse so I may as well do it today.. truly I guess I have relapsed every day before this new 3 days without alcohol..kept telling myself I would stop and then just didn't.. so, maybe I have used up my relapses.. that's what I am telling myself right now. Thanks again to all who have posted and to those who suggested calling - had no idea someone would be available locally to talk on the phone on a Sunday. I can do this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Saint Louis, MO
Posts: 285
Anxiety is a withdrawal symptom, so some of your fear in AA could certainly be related to that. The most important first step for recovery, in my opinion, is not admitting you have a problem--it is asking for help. Sounds like you did that this afternoon. Congratulations. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Welcome to the SR family , Super 71 !
Congratulations on calling about a meeting tomorrow, .....sounds like a great idea about the "temporary " sponsor too !!!
Keep us posted , ......as to how things are going.
Grateful in Carolina
.
Congratulations on calling about a meeting tomorrow, .....sounds like a great idea about the "temporary " sponsor too !!!
Keep us posted , ......as to how things are going.
Grateful in Carolina
.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 78
Hey there,
I'm right there with you - craving something fierce and so glad it's Sunday so I can't go out and buy the bottle of wine my mind is craving so much. Let us know how it goes when you go to an AA meeting. I'm here rooting for you.
I'm right there with you - craving something fierce and so glad it's Sunday so I can't go out and buy the bottle of wine my mind is craving so much. Let us know how it goes when you go to an AA meeting. I'm here rooting for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 143
Ran up to the market...but didn't get any wine! My ex has my car to go to work tonight because his wouldn't start.. so I am drink free for another day. I still am wavering about going to AA, seems like so time consuming and extreme..but I guess five years of drinking is a bit time consuming and extreme.. funny, I told my ex (we are good friends still) tonight about my alcohol consumption for the past 5 years and that I am quitting..his response was something like, That's not so much - I don't think that's such a problem.. Certainly not what I expected to hear - made me start thinking maybe I am overreacting - but deep down I know I'm not. Even though I really don't want to I am going to make myself go to at least one meeting and talk to at least one person there - and get phone numbers. Sending everyone thoughts of strength.
My ex has my car to go to work tonight because his wouldn't start.. so I am drink free for another day. I still am wavering about going to AA, seems like so time consuming and extreme..but I guess five years of drinking is a bit time consuming and extreme.. funny, I told my ex (we are good friends still) tonight about my alcohol consumption for the past 5 years and that I am quitting..his response was something like, That's not so much - I don't think that's such a problem.. Certainly not what I expected to hear - made me start thinking maybe I am overreacting - but deep down I know I'm not. Even though I really don't want to I am going to make myself go to at least one meeting and talk to at least one person there - and get phone numbers. Sending everyone thoughts of strength.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 78
Yeah...comments from people like the one your ex made make me think maybe I'm being a little dramatic. But, people who don't have drinking problems don't question whether or not they do - they just know they don't.
I know in my heart it's not 'normal' to drink a bottle of wine almost every night before bed, no matter HOW much I want to justify it by telling myself things like "In other cultures it's normal to drink this much" or "I know plenty of people who drink more than I do."
Keep your chin up - we're almost on day 4!
I know in my heart it's not 'normal' to drink a bottle of wine almost every night before bed, no matter HOW much I want to justify it by telling myself things like "In other cultures it's normal to drink this much" or "I know plenty of people who drink more than I do."
Keep your chin up - we're almost on day 4!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 411
Super -- almost EVERYONE feels the same exact way at their first few AA meetings. It's totally OK, just show up, be nervous and awkward, and the feelings will subside as you meet more people. We remember that we were all newcomers to the program once.
GG
GG
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Originally Posted by super71 
Thanks again to all who have posted and to those who suggested calling - had no idea someone would be available locally to talk on the phone on a Sunday. I can do this.
AA is just a group of alcoholics helping alcoholics. They are there on the phone lines 24 hours a day in a lot of places.
I am glad you made the call and got the information that you needed.
Your ex will try to diminish your problem because that is what he thinks the caring thing is to do. If he can make your problem smaller, you will be a lot happier. Maybe in the short term you will be ......but ultimately it could kill you. Of course, he doesn't realise that. This is where AA is so helpful - you can share about your problems with alcohol with people who understand.
Good luck
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