Putting those tools to work
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
Putting those tools to work
Happy Father's Day SR!
I got another good chance to put my tools to work this morning...
So my kids planned a breakfast in bed for me for Father's Day. As they were bringing the food upstairs, one of them got off-script I guess (e.g. said something about my gift prematurely), to which one of them said "Shut Up" quite angrily. After the angry retort, slamming doors, "I hate you", and being sent to their respective rooms to cool off, my Father's Day breakfast crashed and burned.
As I felt my blood pressure and heart rate rise, I had that all familiar feeling come across my mind "so this was why I drank -- to deal with how I feel right now."
But today, thanks to SR and my program of recovery, I took a different approach.
First, I reminded myself that this is pretty normal sibling behavior and "it's not about me" .. and besides, "who am I to get upset about it anyhow" ... "why am I so important?".
Second, I decided that I would go on to SR and read some posts + I read my Daily Reflections (which was about fear today). So what am I afraid of? Not getting a happy Father's Day? ... really?
Third, I am taking action (= posting), as by getting it down on paper, I can see how silly I sound, how my emotions are so temporary, and how this is a great opportunity to both learn myself and help my kids learn a bit more empathy. (I'm trying that "just focus on your side of the street" stuff with my kids, but it isn't quite working yet...
)
Finally, I took a personal inventory and asked whether my kids were modeling any of my own behavior (... I need to give my normy wife credit for suggesting this). I thought how I probably am a bit impatient with the little one -- and this is the behavior that my older kids are modeling ... leading to the angry retort.
So, for the newcomers, when you hear us talk about "needing to develop a set of recovery tools" ... here is one example of what we mean. Tools that help you deal with life on life's terms. Not drinking is really important, but the real growth comes from actively working on your recovery.
I know that drinking would not help this situation in any way...
And, by not drinking, I was given a chance to grow as an individual. This is probably the best Father's Day gift my kids could give me.
I got another good chance to put my tools to work this morning...
So my kids planned a breakfast in bed for me for Father's Day. As they were bringing the food upstairs, one of them got off-script I guess (e.g. said something about my gift prematurely), to which one of them said "Shut Up" quite angrily. After the angry retort, slamming doors, "I hate you", and being sent to their respective rooms to cool off, my Father's Day breakfast crashed and burned.
As I felt my blood pressure and heart rate rise, I had that all familiar feeling come across my mind "so this was why I drank -- to deal with how I feel right now."
But today, thanks to SR and my program of recovery, I took a different approach.
First, I reminded myself that this is pretty normal sibling behavior and "it's not about me" .. and besides, "who am I to get upset about it anyhow" ... "why am I so important?".
Second, I decided that I would go on to SR and read some posts + I read my Daily Reflections (which was about fear today). So what am I afraid of? Not getting a happy Father's Day? ... really?
Third, I am taking action (= posting), as by getting it down on paper, I can see how silly I sound, how my emotions are so temporary, and how this is a great opportunity to both learn myself and help my kids learn a bit more empathy. (I'm trying that "just focus on your side of the street" stuff with my kids, but it isn't quite working yet...
)Finally, I took a personal inventory and asked whether my kids were modeling any of my own behavior (... I need to give my normy wife credit for suggesting this). I thought how I probably am a bit impatient with the little one -- and this is the behavior that my older kids are modeling ... leading to the angry retort.
So, for the newcomers, when you hear us talk about "needing to develop a set of recovery tools" ... here is one example of what we mean. Tools that help you deal with life on life's terms. Not drinking is really important, but the real growth comes from actively working on your recovery.
I know that drinking would not help this situation in any way...
And, by not drinking, I was given a chance to grow as an individual. This is probably the best Father's Day gift my kids could give me.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Good post. Yer, I find that I deal with life and the situations that arise in my life totally differently now as to how I would have previously. The job I have been in for the last 9 months I would have never have stuck for even 1 month back in my drinking days. Not because I would have been drinking at work or anything but because I thought and acted completely different. I didn't have any program to work. Like most people don't have.
Today I went to mcDonalds and was looking forward to my chocolate Milkshake and I sipped it through the straw and it was banana!! Man I would have let that ruin my whole evening before, cursing the staff etcetc. Now I just used my recovery 'tools' and smiled to myself!
Peace
Today I went to mcDonalds and was looking forward to my chocolate Milkshake and I sipped it through the straw and it was banana!! Man I would have let that ruin my whole evening before, cursing the staff etcetc. Now I just used my recovery 'tools' and smiled to myself!
Peace
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 66
Wow, thank you for posting that. I do have a few "tools", although I've never thought about them that way. I do know I need to invent a few more, so this is a great reminder.
Love your positive attitude.
Love your positive attitude.
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