cscs

Have a family party and a BBQ tomorrow (yes, two in one day!). Both will involve heavy drinking. I am obviously terrified I won't make it - My extended family I am staying with usually stays up until 2 or 3 drinking wine - and that's after the bbq. Anyways, I need advice or tips on how to get through these events. I can't tell them I have stopped drinking because they are heavy drinkers and some would take it as a personal attack on them. They won't care that I am not drinking on one particular day, I just can't ask for support there.

I also need advice now, because it's Friday night, and the little voice is saying "You won't make it tomorrow, so why not just drink tonight!" (It's day 2)

Help!

1lastchance

hey fellow Marylander!
why not just say youre watching your calories and or sugar? alcohol is loaded with both.
and you can make it though this just keep remembering your worst hangover and how miserable you felt. the morning after I would always say to myself "why did I do that?"
its just not worth it

aasharon90

How important is it for you
to stay sober?

That is the first question.

aasharon90

Who are you staying sober for?

You or them?

2nd Question.

Draciack

Hi, cscs, why attend at all if you think the situations will cause you to relapse? There will always be more barbecues (this being the south ), more parties, and more Friday nights. Can you make other plans?

Anna

For me, honesty in early recovery became hugely important.

I simply say, 'No, thanks', and if pushed, I excuse myself and move somewhere else.

I have no advice for you for the weekend, as I know for certain, I could not have been around alcohol at that time.

RobbyRobot

Being sober is all about living sober. In your situation there is no easy way out. Being honest with yourself is the best policy. Getting on with being sober is the best way forward. Let things work out as they may, we're never in charge of what others do or dont do, we're only responsible to ourselves.

I have faced such situations. I made other plans.

RR

cscs

Thank you guys. 1lastchance, I love your advice on saying I am watching my sugar. They will believe that, an I won't burst into tears having to explain. They all drink so much, but they can turn it off. I can't. Draciak, I fear there is no way out, since it's out of town and if I stay at home alone, the results will be worse. Wish I could somehow talk my husband out of going. (It's his family and old high school buddies - a 40th bday party BBQ)

Aasharon90, I am not sure what you are getting at.

aasharon90

Ive learned that my recovery
is EXTREMELY important to
me. No one understands my
recovery and soberiety more
than I do.

And people in recovery like I.

You understand everything
about me even if we've never
met.

Today I have choices. I dont
have to feel uncomfortable
in any situation if i chose not
to.

I dont have to place myself
in the middle of a situation
that would interfere with my
sobriety.


Today I dont set myself up
for a situation I cant get out
of. Meaning I dont commit to
something i cant follow thru
with.

To protect mself in ur situation
if i have to make an appearance
then have a buddy system....or
go alone in ur car and have a
plan of escape. Something else
u need to go to....like a meeting.

Dont lie....be honest in what u
need to do or go....so u wont
have to feel guilty for lieing.

Say ..if u r going to a meeting...
u r but they dont have to know
what meeting u r going to.

Or if ur working....they dont
have to know u r working at
the office or in ur yard. Right?

cscs

Thank you! I am going to send my husband up there alone. I will have a better chance solo here. I will take a bath, read a good book and get myself to bed early. You have helped me calm my freaking out mind. THANK YOU!

Draciack

Cscs, another option is having an escape route. Bring your own mode of transportation and don't hesitate about leaving if things go bad. Most likely, everyone will be so drunk they won't remember the next day anyway

--

...Ah, just saw your post, very cool.

Btw, there's a meeting here tonight at 9PM EST if you're interested.

1lastchance

good for you cscs!!!!

Margareth

I'm sorry A,

I'm sure you're trying to make a sensible point but your texting shorthand makes it almost illegible.

While I understand the need to be economic with your time and energy when texting this is a forum were you have all the space and time to write in the more old fashioned long hand and make a little more sense. Any chance of that?

Thanks

Dee74

I think you made the right choice CSCS - well done.

D

Dee74

Just a note on posting styles...

if you really find someone else posting style an issue, it's simple - don't read their posts.

We have many different members here - the message is more important than the delivery to me - we do ask you consider others and try to be as clear as possible, but there is no standard or preferred posting style.

If you must comment - send a PM to the poster concerned, please don't send threads off on a tangent.

Lets get back to CSCS and BBQ situations thanks
D

artsoul

cscs - you can be proud of choosing to take care of you right now. If you were on the second day of quitting cigarettes and someone invited you to an All Day Smokefest, it would be perfectly understandable for you not to go.

As others have said, there will be plenty of occassions in the future. It was hard for me to turn a couple things down at first (felt isolated and a little P'd that I was missing out), but now I'm so grateful because I have enough days of sobriety that I'm feeling good and actually can enjoy social occassions even more than I did when I was drinking.

Kudos to you!!

coffeenut

Excellent choice! You'll wake up sooooo happy!

cscs

You guys are so awesome. Thank you for all of the support!

notnormal

Hi Cscs,
do whatever it takes, say your not feeling well (not much of a lie there). Normal people don't drink sometimes. Bring a book and go to bed early if need be. Staying up till 3 with people that are drinking is boring... don't put yourself in that spot.. the few hours you miss out on late in the eve. will not be missed when you get up early feeling good and you'll probably get to hear all you missed in the morning.. and it'll still probably be boring.. you can do it.

Margareth

Hi Dee,

I was merely pointing out that since CSCS, like me was having problems
understanding A's writing maybe the style was obscuring her message there was an easy way to remedy that. No criticism or put-down intended.