Tao

I posted a few weeks back about relationship struggles with my recovering husband, sober for 12 years, but suggesting divorce rather than discover how to be unselfishly intimate. I got such great perspective here and I thank you all. We have been in counseling and some interesting things have emerged.

Yesterday as we explored our lack of physical intimacy, our counselor got my husband to admit he's been porn/masturbation addicted for more than 25 years! Holy cow! I suspected something was up with this, in the inability to get fully aroused without porn, and inabilty to complete the act. I just didn't understand the connection.

So now that we've uncovered this...he's anxious and angry. He mentioned he's not sure he can face all the guilt for a lifetime of addiction. I'm sure he feels overwhelmed.

As for me....I love him and support him. I'm also so afraid of addiction, in that I'm starting to see how easily addicts can choose their addictions over everything else. I have no illusions that this may be the case with my husband. In some ways, I think he genuinely feels it easier to just stay self-absorbed in this long standing addiction, rather than do the hard work of breaking it and figuring out how to give and receive love.

What is the best way to suport him overcoming this without being any kind of enabler?

Thank you in advance.

Learn2Live

Not sure other than do not help him pay for or acquire porn.

LaTeeDa

From what you posted, he is not really interested in "overcoming this." So, until he is, there is no way to support him. That is the biggest problem most of us have faced. We want to help the addict "get better," when, in reality, the addict doesn't want to get better.

I'm sure there are lots of ways you could support him, if he wanted your support. However, until that time comes, the only thing you can do is take care of yourself.

L