likeastone

I have never really come out and told anyone that I'm an alcoholic. But I do have a little bit of a wild reputation at work. Today a coworker ask me "are you staying out of trouble or are you passing out in gutters near wherever it is that you drink."

Taken aback I responded "no i've been keeping out of trouble. in fact i'm not drinking anymore."

he said "yeah right."

i said "no seriously. never again."

He said "yeah right, you'll drink."

He asked why i stopped drinking. Feeling uncomfortable, I just said that I was being unhealthy in my drinking.

He said, "you should have never let it get to that point in the first place. i know i'm no preacher but..." and then began telling me that he stays out of trouble because he is a dad (kind of jabbing at the fact that i'm a mom) before walking away.

He doesn't know that extent of my problem but wow, it really twisted my heart and i had to try really hard to not be a crying fool at work. why do people make these comments? has anyone else had people say completely inappropriate things to them?

on the bright side, i'm 6 days sober now. it's the longest i've gone without drinking in about 2 years.

Dee74

Other people will always have opinions, likeastone.
It's up to us whether we own them or not

That being said, the guy sounds like a rude jerk to me.
D

mercurial me

Unless someone has walked a mile in your shoes they just won't get it. Stay strong and be proud of the x6 days you've got in so far.

Chops

some people just suck, prove them wrong by staying sober....

I stayed sober some days on pure spite

Congrats on 6 days

TwelveSteps

Jeez, what a jerk. Congratulations on your 6 days.

Luckily I haven't had to deal with comments like that but have been surprised at acquaintances' level of curiosity about my not drinking. I always assumed no one would notice or care, but I've been quizzed about it quite a bit. I still don't have a great rehearsed answer.

GG

spilledmilk

What a jerk. I'm lost at what to say to people in those situations too. And cringe when I think of having too be in social situations wondering if they know all the terrible stuff I did. Or if they found out would they still want to talk to me. Sounds like you handled it well with what you said, and hopefully he feels bad. I agree with what mercurial me said, they really don't get it. Take care

likeastone

thank you all for the support. it has definitely added to my drive to stay sober.

off the topic, how many of you consider yourselves addicts or alcoholics without being "officially" diagnosed by someone?

Atman

There are many people out there with that "high and mighty" attitude.

Funny thing is they will try to point out your flaws, and at the same time they don't realize how rude they are being themselves.

If you are reverting back to old ways and bad behavior, they will always have something to use against you.

However, as long you keep trying to better yourself and change your ways; You won't be able to give them that satisfaction.

Good luck and well wishes to you.

spilledmilk

I actually did get diagnosed with alcohol dependence which resulted in me losing my license for a year, my doctor told me he would write a letter to the dmv after six months if I stayed sober. I had a couple of relapses early on that he doesn't know about, but I still had withdrawals symptoms which reminded me how bad drinking was and helped me want to keep living the sober life. I just did my blood/urine tests a couple weeks ago, so hopefully I should get it back soon. However when I was drinking and undiagnosed I think I knew I had a problem I just didn't know how bad it was.

MelindaFlowers

Wow. What a tool. "I'm no preacher but....." Oh, something about this guy is making angry just thinking about it.

[B]Congratulations on your sobriety[B]

Severian

When someone is being rude to me I try to make them own it by asking, "Have I done something to offend you?" This is always met with a "No" so I follow up with, "Well, you're treating me rather rudely and I wondered if I had done something to deserve it."

That said, in your case it may not have worked. The man clearly knew something about your drinking habits. He could easily reply to part one with, "You're a drunkard, and drunkards offend me" or some such thing.

I find there are many people who want to help me stay sober, and only very few have any useful advice or assistance to offer. My wife misses the mark about 95% of the time, but I have to remember that she does not understand alcoholism, she doesn't like to feel helpless about it, and is clawing for ways to try to assist.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

mf150

That guy is a jerk. He's choosing to be abusive. I don't think you should waste your time explaining anything to that guy. He's not worth relating to.

By choosing to be sober, you've already shown how much strength you have. You're showing your character (something that that guy doesn't seem to have).

1lastchance

lets see I am a drunk an alcoholic an addict an obssesive compulsive self destructive personality that had 0 regard or respect for myself. I didn't need a Doctor or anyone else to diagnose this. I woke up 30+ years later bloody and bruised for the last time wishing for death. after all that I kinda just new.
however I suppose I could always get comfirmation on what I already know.
this is just my self awareness talking.
Peace.

sobermax

Hi Likeastone,

Poor guy doesn't get it - I guess it is like someone saying 'why don't you just cut down?' or 'surely you can have just one'. Sigh.

A comment like that can no have no motivation other than to damage your self-esteem and boost his own ego. Pitiable really. 'I'm no preacher but. . .'? No you're not, and even if you were you would still be being f*****g ignorant and rude.


He isn't worth your concern.

SM

least

"Take what you need and leave the rest." Ignore this guy, he's an idiot. Stay sober for yourself and leave the jerks to themselves.

Mark75

The time will come... and it may have already... though it doesn't seem like it... when "#1 Dad" will feel the humility, and the sting, that is the imperfection of our humanity. Pray for him (I'm serious)...

Great job on your 6 days...

Mark

Anna

So, you are learning that there are certain people who are not worth listening to.

Keep on focusing on your recovery!

Adepitice

I don't agree with all the comments here. He didn't sound rude to me, he just told you the truth straight in your face. I prefer this kind of behaviour to someone that says to you that everything is fine and then talks **** about you when you're not around (and that is what most people do).

Maybe he's the only one at work that helped you relize you might have a problem...

PizzaChef

While I agree he might not be the kind of person to find himself on my Christmas card list, but it was the harsh home truths that my boyfriend told me that made me look at myself at long last. I then asked my friends for their worst memories of me drunk and put them in all my word document (the thing I look at when I'm tempted to relapse). They don't make for comfortable reading. I thought my reputation was fun party girl, not drunken mess and not to be trusted not to blab secrets when pi**ed. Think how amazing you will feel if, in a year's time or so, the same person tells you how much you've changed......

Adepitice

I agree completely... the same happened to me too, only a few of poeple had the guts to tell me how unberable I was when i was drunk, and those are the ones i feel more grateful to today after almost one year of sobriety.