HLEP.....Traditional vs. Non-Traditional rehab

Old 06-17-2010, 04:12 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 76
HLEP.....Traditional vs. Non-Traditional rehab

Help??

Our son is 21 and has been using throughout his teen years with the last few years really spiraling out of control.
In the past he said his drug of choice was alcohol. Not so, he will use OTC, drugs to get a high... dxm, coricidron, sleep aids, lsa, acid, cocaine...and now these past 3 months he spent all of his money on heroin.

In the past he's been to inpatient rehab/12 step, a wilderness program and also a therapuetic community, even did a couple visits to jail, one stint for 4 months.
He has failed to stay clean, and his use has escalated to a point if he doesn't snap out of it he will not be around. He's been to the hospital 3x this month.

We know that he is the only one that can change himself and decide to stay clean.

He is currently in a crisis unit and will be getting out in the next couple of days. (I am scared to death for him)
The crisis unit is wanting him to go to an inpatient rehab, but he is not open to it at all. He is adamant about getting on suboxone and doing it his way.
Since he is no longer attending college he is no longer covered by our insurance. We all know how expensive rehab can be.

My question is how many people have had success NOT going through a traditional 12 step program?
How many have used this drug suboxone and how successful were you on it?
I have been reading all I can on this legal substitute.

My husband has told him he can not come to our home without a plan, and he can not use in our house. He has no job and no means at this point to support himself. You'd think what he's been thorough would scare him clean.

Are addicts that unemotionally dettached??? Lord I pray for him!
treadingwater is offline  
Old 06-17-2010, 04:20 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
(((hugs)))

Hi treadingwater. welcome. There are many parents of addicts here. You are not alone.

It's not about being scared clean. It's about being willing to do the work necessary to change. It's hard to stop using drugs. It takes more than just willpower. It takes work. It takes a plan of some sort. It takes the support of other recovering addicts.

It doesn't sound like your son is done using yet and your husband is doing the right thing by drawing firm boundaries and enforcing them. That's not easy but it's wise. It's hard for family members, particularly moms, to accept that they can't save their children from their bad choices.

I hope your son gets it soon. If this isn't his bottom, at least you can be assured that every day you don't enable his addiction is one day closer to his bottom.

Have you looked into Al-anon in your neighborhood? It may help you find recovery from what has to have been and continues to be a heartbreaking ordeal for you. Addiction is a sickness that affects the ENTIRE family. Not just the one who uses drugs.
hello-kitty is offline  
Old 06-17-2010, 05:19 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I agree with what hello-kitty said above, they're not ready until they are ready and we can't change that...but we don't have to keep a front row seat by allowing them to bring their addiction and chaos into our homes.

I know the pain in your heart, I've walked in your shoes.

Sometimes it takes more love to let go than to keep trying to "help" when it ends up enabling and giving them a soft place to fall.

Try some meetings, they literally saved my life and my sanity.

Hugs
Ann is offline  
Old 06-17-2010, 05:55 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 76
Yes, you are both right.
I am just worried sick. I really try to not get sucked in but it is so hard.
This is a double edge sword, so it seems.

I'm still wondering about recovery without the traditional 12 step. I totally understand what you are saying about him wanting to have help.
I would think if one is ready, one would take steps to grasp at anything that is offered.
He did not like the 12 step program.
But like both of you have said staying off drugs takes a lot of hard work and I believe a support system and a willingness to be ACCOUNTABLE.
My son has struggled his whole young life with accountability and also submitting to authority. He is the youngest of three boys.
treadingwater is offline  
Old 06-17-2010, 06:04 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Taking5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Did he mention what about the 12 step program he did not like? A lot of people struggle with the "powerless", the "disease" or the "higher power" concepts in 12 step programs.
Taking5 is offline  
Old 06-17-2010, 06:18 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 355
Hi Treadingwater

You will find alot of great people here. Read all you can. This place has literally saved my sanity.

My daughter is my addict. She has struggled with pain pill addiction since her teens. She is now 25. She has 2 beautiful children. I understand your fear and your pain for your son. My daughter has been on Suboxone 2 times. The first time it was with intense outpatient treatment. She remained clean for almost 8 months. She relapsed when she had to have dental surgery. The 2nd time on Suboxone she did not do any type of treatment. It was a nightmare. When she was unable to get the suboxone from her doctor any longer, she bought if off the street. If she could not find the suboxone she bought pain pills.

In my opinion, it has a place in recovery if used properly. But it has to be used in conjunction with a treatment program. If not it just becomes another drug. My daughter is now in an inpatient treatment facility for 6 months. She went to detox before rehab to be able to get off the suboxone and pain meds. They are both addictive. She says that she thinks that she could be addicted to anything that she takes and I think that is very true.

I just don't think our children have much of a chance at finding sobriety on their own. Their plan just doesn't work. I believe they must have some type of program. Left to their own devices..... well we know how that works out for them.

Saying a prayer for you and your son. It is so very hard to be a mom to an addicted child.

Gotahavfaith
gotahavfaith is offline  
Old 06-17-2010, 06:30 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 390
I have a friend who's son is struggling with herion. She called around to addiction counselors (got referrals from her own counselor) and find someone that helped people work on their addictions without the traditional program approach - however it involved weekly counseling and checkins. I am clueless to it all since my AH has never attemped any kind of rehab. But just throwing that out there as something that could be tried for him. Good luck. If you are like my friend, this is simply killing her emotionally. It breaks my heart. Hugs to you. (p.s. her son is almost the exact age and also dropped out of college because of this - sadly you are not alone.)
newnormal4me is offline  
Old 06-17-2010, 07:10 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
coffeedrinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
I'm sorry for the pain you are in, treading.

my opinion, is that suboxone is a kind of "last resort" intervention. when they have tried and repeatedly failed, it may be time to discuss using it. because, it is also addictive, and because some people have such a need to get those endorphins flowing that they continue to utilize what is at their disposal (e.g. opiates) so their brain may truly need the artificial help to do so.

i thought that finally, after 30 years of a heroin addiction, on the wagon, off the wagon, on, off, that my xabf would finally have the tool that had been missing, to help him succeed. he went on methadone maintenance. but he only went to a handful of meetings, a couple of health realization groups, and started therapy, but he didn't go "to any length". he is now pretty much just maintaining with the methadone, but mostly a shell of his former self. the mind, and will, is the most potent component in acheiving and maintaining sobriety. it sounds as if his mind isn't even close to being on board.

my hunch is that he believes that the sub will be the magic bullet that will keep him away from the street drugs, or possibly he doesn't even want to stay away from the street, and this will "help him along" so to speak. people do still abuse even while on suboxone.

i think you need to detach from his addiction, and if it's at all possible, do not allow him to live in your home. you guys say he has to have a plan, but the plan, at the start, is simply words spoken, or written on a piece of paper. it's the follow-through that matters, and once he's there and not following through....what alternatives will you two be left with? you'll be the drug/plan police, and your lives could very well be turned upside down even more than they are right now.

i think he has to do this on his own, with you two rooting from a distance.
coffeedrinker is offline  
Old 06-17-2010, 07:35 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 76
Again I agree.

Coffeedrinker...our son has no means of supporting himself at this point. He has a high school education and some college. This drug use has totally dismanteled his whole life. I look at what he has choose to do with his life and it makes me so dang MAD. How can he throw away his life like this??
He has an I don't care attitude, and even says he does not care. I want to believe in my heart he doesn't mean it.
I am worried about the suboxone and I do agree that he may think it's a magic bullet. He has a friend that has been on soboxone for a while and has been able to remain clean. (SO HE SAYS) I do worry that he is looking for an easy way out.
My son has said many times that he can not live his life being drug and alcohol free. He says he does not like the way he feels when he's not using.
I love him so much.... he's like a cactus not letting anyone close to him.
Telling him he can't live in our home is like a double edged sword.
I just keep praying he will see the light.
treadingwater is offline  
Old 06-17-2010, 08:07 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by dgillz View Post
Did he mention what about the 12 step program he did not like? A lot of people struggle with the "powerless", the "disease" or the "higher power" concepts in 12 step programs.

Yes, his first experience with rehab was at a well known drug rehab here in Atlanta. He did not like the group setting and he says the cult mentality.
I do know that he was a bit irritated with one of the counselor's that would shut him down when he would express himself in the sessions. He felt like they were not listening to him and that they weren't interested in listening to him.
My son is articulate and can express himself quite well, even if I don't agree with his reality. He felt like this rehab was not wanting any challenge/resistance and wanted everyone to conform especially in a group setting. So yes he felt like it was CULT like.
In fairness to the rehab... I think this experience gave my son the ammunition he was looking for to continue his denial. I truly believe if you really want to get better you will go the extra mile and take what is offered.


To, at this time we were just becoming aware of his problem and did not realize how bad it really was. At that time he was an underage drinker, and self medicating with OTC meds. He kept trying to fool us, and for awhile it worked.

Boy he had us fooled!!

Now it's been going on 3+ years and we have been through a lot with him. From our point of view he has exercised very little discipline in his addictive behavior and so it seems our roller coaster is very out of control.
treadingwater is offline  
Old 06-17-2010, 08:27 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
keepinon's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
I am the mom of an 18 year old heroin addict. We told her she had to leave..I will do anything to help her get better, but not do one more thing to help her live this way.Spent a ton of money on a fancy rehab, relapsed w/in weeks. Getting sober is HARD.. they have to want it. I'm amazed how low her bottom is, but i won't "love" her to death giving her aplace to live, food,etc. making it easier for her to continue her addiction..she didn't even graduate high school.. HER CHOICE. If she chooses to use, that is HER making the decision that she can't live here. The therapists at rehab helped me put it all back on her. I won't take responsibility for putting her out on the street..she CHOSE. Really helped me to look at it that way. Suboxone or no, maybe its time to have your son deal with the consequences of his addictions.Hope this doesn't sound harsh..I so wish all of us didn't have to go thru this!
keepinon is offline  
Old 06-17-2010, 11:19 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
The sun still shines
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
TW, my 24-year old AS is also very articulate and bright. The only problem is that their reasoning get rather messed up with drug use and whilst they think they understand the world like no one else, their challenges of what is are rather old and incoherent at times. My son went as far as justifying his growing of magic mushrooms by pointing out corrupt politicians! He almost convinced me. If I was a counsellor, I would discourage any such justifications in group settings too. This may be what happened to your son.

I was reading Larrylive's journey on the addiction forum and he started off sounding just like my son and as time progressed, he sounded like a normal, wise human being. He really, really gave me hope for my own son and the recovery possible when an addict puts his mind to it.

My son also refused to go to rehab and he "knows" so much more than anyone else. I finally realised that it is simply a sign that he is not ready to admit that he has a problem and that he is not prepared yet to get all the help he can get. He also doesn't have a way to support himself but I finally had to tell him to leave. He needed to experience the result of his addiction and not use me as a safety net anymore. It has been 3 months now and I know it was the biggest gift I could give him.
Sunshine2 is offline  
Old 06-18-2010, 01:42 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Taking5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Originally Posted by treadingwater View Post
I do know that he was a bit irritated with one of the counselor's that would shut him down when he would express himself in the sessions. He felt like they were not listening to him and that they weren't interested in listening to him.
I have never been to rehab, but what you described is not a 12 step program. There are no counselors at 12 step meetings, and there is no charge to attend a meeting. You can share anything you like, and I have never in nearly 5 years heard someone get cut off in an AA or NA meeting.

Heck if that was my experience in AA, I would never go back either. But since my experience with AA is so radically different from what you described, my question is, has he in fact attended 12 step meetings or not?
Taking5 is offline  
Old 06-18-2010, 08:22 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
outtolunch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by dgillz View Post
I have never been to rehab, but what you described is not a 12 step program. There are no counselors at 12 step meetings, and there is no charge to attend a meeting. You can share anything you like, and I have never in nearly 5 years heard someone get cut off in an AA or NA meeting.

Heck if that was my experience in AA, I would never go back either. But since my experience with AA is so radically different from what you described, my question is, has he in fact attended 12 step meetings or not?
Being in a 12 steps based recovery program is not the same thing as attending an AA/NA meeting. There are counselors at group rehab meetings and it's all about sharing and supporting each other. No doubt everyone gets cut off sooner or later. That's real life.

I choose to not believe everything my daughter told me about what happens at group within the rehab enviornment because my daughter at the time, preferred to be sticking needles in her arms instead of learning how to cope with life, as is.
outtolunch is offline  
Old 06-18-2010, 08:55 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Freedom1990's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by treadingwater View Post
He is currently in a crisis unit and will be getting out in the next couple of days. (I am scared to death for him)
The crisis unit is wanting him to go to an inpatient rehab, but he is not open to it at all. He is adamant about getting on suboxone and doing it his way.
Since he is no longer attending college he is no longer covered by our insurance. We all know how expensive rehab can be.
The Salvation Army: Adult Rehabilitation

The Salvation Army has a free program that has helped many people, if they want the help.

Your son is still wanting to do it his way.

You don't have to take a front row seat to his addictions when he is released.

There are also sober living facilities, and homeless shelters. He's got other options.
Freedom1990 is offline  
Old 06-18-2010, 01:00 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 76
Hi everyone. I can't disagree with anything you all have said.
Detaching is so darned hard.

KEEPINON.... your post along with the others rings so true. I guess I need to keep hearing it, that these are THEIR CHOICES. I'm not putting him on the street HE IS.

Lord JESUS how I pray for him.
My son like your daughter seems to have no rock bottom, he's like teflon.

Thanks everyone for all the needed encouragement, wisdom and support. This is a tough road to ho.
treadingwater is offline  
Old 06-19-2010, 01:49 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
coffeedrinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
salvation army rehab.
coffeedrinker is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:41 PM.