Just drank again -- ugh
Just drank again -- ugh
Well, I'm back on Day 1.
I'm sorry for letting down this community and for harming my body yet again.
Last night I had the overwhelming sensation of what I call "squeezebox heart" -- unbearable anxiety and tightness in the chest. The only way I know how to deal with it is to drink, so that's what I did.
What's most troubling to me is that I didn't call my sponsor before I drank, I didn't even try to go to a meeting, because I didn't want to be talked out of it -- I just wanted the wine.
I'm so angry with myself. I'm sorry to all of you.
GG
I'm sorry for letting down this community and for harming my body yet again.
Last night I had the overwhelming sensation of what I call "squeezebox heart" -- unbearable anxiety and tightness in the chest. The only way I know how to deal with it is to drink, so that's what I did.
What's most troubling to me is that I didn't call my sponsor before I drank, I didn't even try to go to a meeting, because I didn't want to be talked out of it -- I just wanted the wine.
I'm so angry with myself. I'm sorry to all of you.
GG
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: chico, ca
Posts: 321
Hey bro, welcome back.
This is alcoholism, and if that's what you have, you didn't disappoint anyone here. I'm glad you still want help. That's the first step to getting help. You gotta want it. But evidently something more has to happen to keep that overwhelming desire for a drink from taking over. There are AA meetings, professional help, church, SR, just keep looking and you'll find what fits for you, but if it's not working seek farther, don't stop before the miracle happens. God Bless
This is alcoholism, and if that's what you have, you didn't disappoint anyone here. I'm glad you still want help. That's the first step to getting help. You gotta want it. But evidently something more has to happen to keep that overwhelming desire for a drink from taking over. There are AA meetings, professional help, church, SR, just keep looking and you'll find what fits for you, but if it's not working seek farther, don't stop before the miracle happens. God Bless
You need to be sorry to yourself, not to us.
You're letting yourself down, not us.
I had a few false starts, but "relapse" doesn't need to be a part of getting and staying sober. One of my false starts or "relapses" resulted in another dui, so they are not without serious consequences.
The good news is...you never have to drink again.
The fact that you are coming here and in AA is a good sign. Keep trying, go get that white chip, and step up your recovery efforts.
What are you going to do to step up and stay sober today?
You're letting yourself down, not us.
I had a few false starts, but "relapse" doesn't need to be a part of getting and staying sober. One of my false starts or "relapses" resulted in another dui, so they are not without serious consequences.
The good news is...you never have to drink again.
The fact that you are coming here and in AA is a good sign. Keep trying, go get that white chip, and step up your recovery efforts.
What are you going to do to step up and stay sober today?
Thanks for the support. Kjell, the frustrating thing is that I don't have a plan.
I am at work suffering from shaking and overwhelming nausea. The last time I kept drinking because that was the only way I knew to stave it off. The nausea is the worst part. I can't stop throwing up.
I'm so afraid to tell my sponsor. She went to rehab and never relapsed. So why am I so defective? Why can't I just get it? I also can't tell my boyfriend because last time I relapsed he got really angry with me for leaning on him too hard, and his grandmother is extremely ill so I don't want to burden him with more. But I feel so alone.
I have a meeting tonight. Hopefully that will help my resolve. Thanks to all of you for being there.
GG
I am at work suffering from shaking and overwhelming nausea. The last time I kept drinking because that was the only way I knew to stave it off. The nausea is the worst part. I can't stop throwing up.
I'm so afraid to tell my sponsor. She went to rehab and never relapsed. So why am I so defective? Why can't I just get it? I also can't tell my boyfriend because last time I relapsed he got really angry with me for leaning on him too hard, and his grandmother is extremely ill so I don't want to burden him with more. But I feel so alone.
I have a meeting tonight. Hopefully that will help my resolve. Thanks to all of you for being there.
GG
Thanks guys. Really freaking out now. Overwhelming anxiety and nausea, and I haven't eaten since yesterday. Trying to at least keep water down. I wish I could just leave work but I can't. If you guys can stay sober, I can too -- at least that's what I keep telling myself.
GG
GG
No need to apologize to anyone. I am wondering if it would not be better to address the underlying problem for wanting to drink... your anxiety (squeezebox heart). Anxiety can overwhelm you, and a good doc will offer alternative ways to help you solve this. Good luck and stay positive!
This is when "one day at a time" really comes into play. I know the guilt, shame, and remorse well from thinking I've failed, yet again...
The "how the hell am I going to stay sober for the rest of my life?" thoughts. The anxiety is almost unbearable.
This is where you need the help of your sponsor and the fellowship. Let them do your thinking for a bit and help you to get through these couple days.
The "how the hell am I going to stay sober for the rest of my life?" thoughts. The anxiety is almost unbearable.
This is where you need the help of your sponsor and the fellowship. Let them do your thinking for a bit and help you to get through these couple days.
There's no shame in coming back. Alcoholism is a humbling disease, but it's not who WE are. I agree with AWOL that a doctor may be able to help with the anxiety until you get some solid recovery time again. I hope you're feeling much better tomorrow.
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