Here's your sign.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Florida
Posts: 115
Here's your sign.
Just wanted to share something from last weekend...I was outside praying for a sign of what to do because I have been going through increasingly difficult times with AH. I was hoping for some divine words of wisdom. Then I heard (probably my inner voice): “Are you kidding me??!!! Your husband is passed out on the living room floor after drinking non-stop for 3 days with his shorts p**d again. When he is awake, he screams at you, belittles you, calls you names, says he hates you. He threatens to drown your “stupid Siamese cat.” He calls up anyone of his family and friends who will listen to him and lies about how awful you are, how much of an alcoholic you are, how you beat him, how much he wants a divorce, etc. He refuses any help offered from church, family, rehab, AA, friends and lies about it. He drinks during working hours at the business you so dearly love. He steals your collector bottles of wine that you hid for 2 years because he just had to drink them. He clearly doesn’t care about you at all, it’s getting worse, yet you want a sign??? HERE’S YOUR SIGN!!!”
It reminded of Bill Engvall from Blue Collar. Maybe my HP is a comedian.
It reminded of Bill Engvall from Blue Collar. Maybe my HP is a comedian.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Florida
Posts: 115
Yeah, still with him. :-( VERY difficult to get out when owning a business together etc. But it is my fantasy. When I wrote this early today, he found my post by snooping. I can put nothing past this guy for what he will do to pick at and torture me. He won't leave me because he's having too much fun stressing me out. He's very vindictive. He's shut off my cell (business) phone (have no house phone) before and would not turn it back on for over a day meanwhile worrying my family by saying I was in jail and that's why I couldn't be reached. Right now I can't get him out of our business office and all of my employees are seeing him this way. I seriously am thinking of getting a temp. restraining order but I'm not sure if that will just make it worse. Police have not been helpful to me in the past.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
(((((Saint Francis)))))
Meh, let him snoop.....He sounds like quite a prize a mean drunk who pizzes his pants and threatens to harm innocent animals....really, what woman would not want that.
Yeah, I'd go restraining order for sure. Seems as though there is more than enough evidence and witnesses to make it stick! Things will get better!!!!! HG
Meh, let him snoop.....He sounds like quite a prize a mean drunk who pizzes his pants and threatens to harm innocent animals....really, what woman would not want that.
Yeah, I'd go restraining order for sure. Seems as though there is more than enough evidence and witnesses to make it stick! Things will get better!!!!! HG
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by Saint Francis 
Yeah, still with him. :-( VERY difficult to get out when owning a business together etc. But it is my fantasy.
Originally Posted by Saint Francis
I seriously am thinking of getting a temp. restraining order but I'm not sure if that will just make it worse. Police have not been helpful to me in the past.
L
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
MY HP is hilarious too, but yours sound concerned, as well we all should be. Those behaviors are classic domestic violence/abuser.
There is no business worth that kind of abuse. No husband worth that insanity, even if they guy looks like Tom Selleck.
I think I'm supposed to recommend you call a domestic violence shelter instead of telling you to put a plastic bag over his head while he's passed out. Yeah, that's what I"m suppose to do.
There is no business worth that kind of abuse. No husband worth that insanity, even if they guy looks like Tom Selleck.
I think I'm supposed to recommend you call a domestic violence shelter instead of telling you to put a plastic bag over his head while he's passed out. Yeah, that's what I"m suppose to do.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
I just noticed the join date on your profile. You've been coming here to SR for almost five years. I went back a read a couple of your earliest posts. Nothing has changed, except maybe for the worse.
I wonder what you are waiting for. Do you see yourself coming here and posting the same problems five years from now? Did you see yourself still posting the same problems five years later when you first joined?
You are the only one who can change things. You are the only one who can make your life better. I can almost guarantee that once you start making changes, you will wonder why it took you so long. That's how it was for me. What are you waiting for?
L
I wonder what you are waiting for. Do you see yourself coming here and posting the same problems five years from now? Did you see yourself still posting the same problems five years later when you first joined?
You are the only one who can change things. You are the only one who can make your life better. I can almost guarantee that once you start making changes, you will wonder why it took you so long. That's how it was for me. What are you waiting for?
L
aboutdone
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midwest
Posts: 191
Originally Posted by Saint Francis
Just wanted to share something from last weekend...I was outside praying for a sign of what to do because I have been going through increasingly difficult times with AH. I was hoping for some divine words of wisdom. Then I heard (probably my inner voice): “Are you kidding me??!!! Your husband is passed out on the living room floor after drinking non-stop for 3 days with his shorts p**d again. When he is awake, he screams at you, belittles you, calls you names, says he hates you. He threatens to drown your “stupid Siamese cat.” He calls up anyone of his family and friends who will listen to him and lies about how awful you are, how much of an alcoholic you are, how you beat him, how much he wants a divorce, etc. He refuses any help offered from church, family, rehab, AA, friends and lies about it. He drinks during working hours at the business you so dearly love. He steals your collector bottles of wine that you hid for 2 years because he just had to drink them. He clearly doesn’t care about you at all, it’s getting worse, yet you want a sign??? HERE’S YOUR SIGN!!!”
It reminded of Bill Engvall from Blue Collar. Maybe my HP is a comedian.
It reminded of Bill Engvall from Blue Collar. Maybe my HP is a comedian.
You wanted a sign, he gave you a sign, your a smart, strong woman, who was hit with the facts when you asked for a sign. Couldn't be any clearer, luv.
I'm growing
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Right where I need to be
Posts: 601
Please call a domestic violence hotline. They have FREE counceling there. This behavior is not ok. HP IS telling you something. Please listen and get out before it is too late. Take care of you.
Sometimes you have to let go of things to grab on to something else. You may have to lose the business....you may not, who knows what HP has planned. Talk to a lawyer about the legalities of the business.
If you get an order of protection, he won't be able to come to the business, so it won't be a problem
I recently got an order of protection for myself and my kids. If they violate the order you can call the police and they get charged with a misdemeanor.
Sometimes you have to let go of things to grab on to something else. You may have to lose the business....you may not, who knows what HP has planned. Talk to a lawyer about the legalities of the business.
If you get an order of protection, he won't be able to come to the business, so it won't be a problem
I recently got an order of protection for myself and my kids. If they violate the order you can call the police and they get charged with a misdemeanor.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I remember your posts from before, nothing changes, if, nothing changes.
Really don't know what to post that hasn't been posted B/4.
You've got your sign, maybe someday you'll see the light.
I sure hope so, take care.
Dolly
Really don't know what to post that hasn't been posted B/4.
You've got your sign, maybe someday you'll see the light.
I sure hope so, take care.
Dolly
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
What are you going to do? I'd really like to know. I know we're being a bit tough here, but will you please come back and tell us what your plans are?
I went back and read your previous posts too, you may want to try that.
Reading your posts made me realize something I never have before: Just like alcoholics give all sorts of reasons as to why they don't need to/can't/wont' stop drinking, we make excuses why we can't stop taking care of them and move out of this living hell. I am one determined woman, when I decide to do something -it happens! But I too stayed in a disgusting, horrific situation with my AH for years. I needed to hit bottom as well. Have you hit yours or are you still trying to figure out how to get him to sober up?
Maybe someone else can describe this better than I can, but I'm not sure what you're looking for here. What your describing, to me at least, is like a horror movie. But it must be just ok enough for you to not put him out.
Maybe you've been living in it long enough that you can't see a way out.
Here's one:
Call a lawyer. Call three. Start writing all of this down. Stop living in hell, if you want to get out, start walking. Become determined. What do you think your employees think OF YOU!?! You're lucky you have any employees or clients with that pants pissing monster roaming around all day.
So. I hope you closely examine both what your HP told you that day you asked for a sign, and what we're all trying to do here right now, which is help you. But, much like the alcoholics, we can only lead a codie to the water. You've got to drink it Girl. Become determined. Be bold.
Boca ***** Divorce Lawyer West Palm Beach Child Custody Attorney Florida Domestic Violence Law
I went back and read your previous posts too, you may want to try that.
Reading your posts made me realize something I never have before: Just like alcoholics give all sorts of reasons as to why they don't need to/can't/wont' stop drinking, we make excuses why we can't stop taking care of them and move out of this living hell. I am one determined woman, when I decide to do something -it happens! But I too stayed in a disgusting, horrific situation with my AH for years. I needed to hit bottom as well. Have you hit yours or are you still trying to figure out how to get him to sober up?
Maybe someone else can describe this better than I can, but I'm not sure what you're looking for here. What your describing, to me at least, is like a horror movie. But it must be just ok enough for you to not put him out.
Maybe you've been living in it long enough that you can't see a way out.
Here's one:
Call a lawyer. Call three. Start writing all of this down. Stop living in hell, if you want to get out, start walking. Become determined. What do you think your employees think OF YOU!?! You're lucky you have any employees or clients with that pants pissing monster roaming around all day.
So. I hope you closely examine both what your HP told you that day you asked for a sign, and what we're all trying to do here right now, which is help you. But, much like the alcoholics, we can only lead a codie to the water. You've got to drink it Girl. Become determined. Be bold.
Boca ***** Divorce Lawyer West Palm Beach Child Custody Attorney Florida Domestic Violence Law
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Divorcce is harsh when a business is involved (depending on where you live)--but splitting the business can be done. I also do not know why you are still with this guy. If your concern about leaving is solely your business get yourself into a lawyer and get the facts instead of making assumptions that may be incorrect. Even if it is bad news--you will know what you will be facing and prepare yourself for it.
I did this and it was harsh to discover stbxah can (and will try) to take half my pension--I work for the gov't so he would not only get half the $$ but half my years of service. I've worked 20 years so far--so he would get 10 of those years. Does it su** big time that after supporting his sorry a** I have to give him 10 years more. Yes. Can I do anything about it-to some extent.
What is more important to you-you or your business? Some times you have to walk away and start over. From what I have read you are the one running it anyway so if you need to--you know how to start over without him.
Why do you take his abuse? When will you put you first? What is your next step? From what you laid out I cannot figure out one reason why you are still with this guy--and it would seem you cannot either.
I did this and it was harsh to discover stbxah can (and will try) to take half my pension--I work for the gov't so he would not only get half the $$ but half my years of service. I've worked 20 years so far--so he would get 10 of those years. Does it su** big time that after supporting his sorry a** I have to give him 10 years more. Yes. Can I do anything about it-to some extent.
What is more important to you-you or your business? Some times you have to walk away and start over. From what I have read you are the one running it anyway so if you need to--you know how to start over without him.
Why do you take his abuse? When will you put you first? What is your next step? From what you laid out I cannot figure out one reason why you are still with this guy--and it would seem you cannot either.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
Oh, and take a look at my signature. Sometimes when I would lay out all the crap stbxah was putting on me and the kids people here would say...have you looked at your signature lately. Sometimes I needed a virtual smack upside the head!
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
VERY difficult to get out when owning a business together etc. But it is my fantasy
Fantasy can be turned into reality, but it takes actions--not words. When I read your post, the following decades-old words of wisdom came to mind:
Don't just sit there, DO SOMETHING!
Perhaps you could post this on your fridge as a daily reminder.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
St. F -
Threatening and/or harming a family pet is one rung on the ladder to abusing you and your children (if have children). You've already been emotionally abused for a LONG time. This often has longer lasting and more devastating effects than physical abuse. Physical abuse is probably not far off. This can mean anything from a light slap, to cuts and bruises, to murder.
Sorry... I know this is a frightening post, and it pains me to scare you. But I think you need it. I'd rather you be scared now, take action and be safe, than the awful possible alternatives. My friend Live did that for me, and I'll be forever grateful. She likely saved my life. Also, I know you don't know me since I haven't been on SR lately, but if you want, take a look at my early posts and you'll see I went through something quite similar.
Still, 7 months later, I don't go outside without constantly surveying my surroundings for STBX-AH attempting a drive by shooting or the like.
As somebody said, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
ANONYMOUS & CONFIDENTIAL HELP 24/7
It was after a call to them that I made my escape one Sunday afternoon during one of the brief times that AH let me out of his sight. I'm alive today to share with you.
Gods Blessings to you St. F!
Tigger
Threatening and/or harming a family pet is one rung on the ladder to abusing you and your children (if have children). You've already been emotionally abused for a LONG time. This often has longer lasting and more devastating effects than physical abuse. Physical abuse is probably not far off. This can mean anything from a light slap, to cuts and bruises, to murder.
Sorry... I know this is a frightening post, and it pains me to scare you. But I think you need it. I'd rather you be scared now, take action and be safe, than the awful possible alternatives. My friend Live did that for me, and I'll be forever grateful. She likely saved my life. Also, I know you don't know me since I haven't been on SR lately, but if you want, take a look at my early posts and you'll see I went through something quite similar.
Still, 7 months later, I don't go outside without constantly surveying my surroundings for STBX-AH attempting a drive by shooting or the like.
As somebody said, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
ANONYMOUS & CONFIDENTIAL HELP 24/7
It was after a call to them that I made my escape one Sunday afternoon during one of the brief times that AH let me out of his sight. I'm alive today to share with you.
Gods Blessings to you St. F!
Tigger
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
I am surprised you have a business at all, or that staff and customers haven't run out the door and kept running.
Surely you have enough evidence and witnesses to his drunken and obnoxious behavior, to hand over to a lawyer, and tell them to do whatever to get this problem sorted, and him out of the business and out of your life.
Til you take the first step towards ending this sick saga, it will go on and on.
God bless
Surely you have enough evidence and witnesses to his drunken and obnoxious behavior, to hand over to a lawyer, and tell them to do whatever to get this problem sorted, and him out of the business and out of your life.
Til you take the first step towards ending this sick saga, it will go on and on.
God bless
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