Severian

Tried a different meeting last night. It was a men's only closed discussion meeting. It was also packed full of good ol' southern boys. (I was born a yankee, but live south of the Mason-Dixon line now.) It was also an older group. Aside from the 4 lads who needed papers signed to prove their attendance, I think I was the youngest man present - and I am 45. None of that is a bad thing, I am just trying to paint a picture.

I felt about as comfortable there as I did in the other group I visited twice. The room is more comfortable, with more space and better chairs. The men only climate loosened up the language, with f-bombs dropping left, right and center. The attendance was about half of the size of the other group.

I briefly shared my history with AA going back to 1991, and told of last weekend's debacle that has me crawling back to meetings. A gentlemen shared his beginning in AA story and spoke of not getting it, but volunteering to help set up and clean up the chairs and coffee as a way to ease into getting to know people. (Chops here at SR mentioned something similar in a recent post.) I think I may do that when I settle on a home group. It is easier for me to get to know people a few at a time than to try to "work the room".

sobermax

Hi S,

I'm in a similar situation: been getting to as many different meetings as possible, some of which just feel better than others. The one I went to last night didn't inspire me to return - some people were sleeping, some left early, many left the room left to smoke as soon as the main speaker had finished, returning 20 mins later. It seemed like a chore for several. These don't affect my overall view of AA but interesting how individual meetings seem to have their own character. I guess part of 'getting in' is finding meetings where I fit.

I'm from the southernmost part of England, and Liverpool is quite an insular place: I am always aware of not being local, my accent and my own / others' prejudices. Not that I've ever been made to feel anything other than welcome. Something for me to work on I suppose.

Anyway, just wanted to say that feeling comfortable at meetings is turning out to be a case of 'suck it and see' for me also.

Hope you're doing ok today.

SM

TwelveSteps

Yes, please try some different meetings, I had to "shop around" a lot until I felt comfortable. The meetings I go to now are all women my age and I've met some amazing people.

GG

intention

The fellowship of AA is based on recovery, service, unity (you will see the triangle on literature). What you are talking about is what we call service. It will be good for you and for the other people in the room.

I'm glad you are getting out to different meetings. I find that even going to the same meeting will change from week to week - it is amazing how the atmosphere in the room can change just with a few different people there.

Stay close to the solution. Well done.

Norther

I've gone to well over 60 meetings in my 45 days, and I see some patterns in my reactions to meetings. At some meetings, the regulars are so happy to see one another that they pay little or no attention to newcomers. I'm not so much complaining on my own behalf - I'm kind of a loner anyway - as I am worried over seeing a number of obvious newcomers go ungreeted in the time leading up to the meeting, and after. The second aspect of my reaction to meetings is that I just get very little out of those who seem intent on giving advice as to how those present should "do" AA. I can't help it: I just get a big f**k you reaction when this preachy stuff goes down. I get much more out of those who share their ESH, say what worked for them and let me decide how that applies to me. I get more out of an honest newcomer - reminded what it was like - than I do out of some self-appointed expert in what I ought to do. I am able to let these resentments go - I have to for the sake of my own recovery - but it does take a little effort. Please feel free to regard this post as a confession if you like. Meanwhile, I continue to go to meetings and work the steps, maybe a little more insistently on my own terms than is advisable: I'll think about it.