Went to my first Al-Anon meeting last night
A Pirate looks at 40
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Southeast of Disorder (FL)
Posts: 264
Went to my first Al-Anon meeting last night
I guess I am still confused over what Al-Anon actually is, or it might be that there are different types of Al-Anon meetings out there and the one I attended might just not work for me. I guess my first question is this.
Is Al-Anon just a meeting where different people read a small paragraph or two out of a book for an hour then everyone leaves? I mean do not get me wrong as I said I have only attended this first meeting so there might be more to it than I saw last night, but... I did not hear any stories, or see anyone really giving advice, or anything. Just seems different people took turns reading out of some book for an hour, then meeting adjourned.
I plan on returning to the next meeting, and/or finding out about other meetings in the area to see if there are different types but just curious as to what others experiences are compared to what I witnessed last night.
Is Al-Anon just a meeting where different people read a small paragraph or two out of a book for an hour then everyone leaves? I mean do not get me wrong as I said I have only attended this first meeting so there might be more to it than I saw last night, but... I did not hear any stories, or see anyone really giving advice, or anything. Just seems different people took turns reading out of some book for an hour, then meeting adjourned.
I plan on returning to the next meeting, and/or finding out about other meetings in the area to see if there are different types but just curious as to what others experiences are compared to what I witnessed last night.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
At my home group, we usually start with the reading for that day as a topic for discussion. Then we go around the room (folks can share or not) talking about our experiences/difficulties with that topic as it relates to our "qualifier".
Different meetings, different styles....find one you like!
HG
Different meetings, different styles....find one you like!
HG
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
I went to an Alanon meeting last week too and the first 30 minutes were spent reading the steps, traditions, and other things I cannot remember. I really like hearing those, but it did consume alot of time. I assumed that was the way all meetings were.
A Pirate looks at 40
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Southeast of Disorder (FL)
Posts: 264
Okay, thanks for the replies guys (well gals), I figured there were different types. I received a pamplet last night at the meeting listing all the meetings and times for the surrounding area, and there are some little abbreviations next to some of the meetings indicating something different with each one.
I also liked the steps and other items they read during the meeting. Very good stuff there, I guess I was under the impression that I would have to stand up and state my name, and tell why I was there and stuff, almost like what you envision an AA meeting is like or something.
I also liked the steps and other items they read during the meeting. Very good stuff there, I guess I was under the impression that I would have to stand up and state my name, and tell why I was there and stuff, almost like what you envision an AA meeting is like or something.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
When I went to my first Alanon meeting, I did not know what to expect. I met people in the parking lot and they invited me into the meeting room. We sat down and someone with notebooks and books passed around extra copies of books and began the meeting.
The person with the books and notebooks was the evenings chairperson. The chairperson can change at each meeting as there is not a group leader but an opportunity for each member to chair a meeting and select a topic. This creates equality for all the members of the group.
Then we took turns reading the 12 steps, the 12 traditions, and then someone read the announcements. At the time, I thought to myself: "Gee, we sure are wasting a lot of our hour on reading things I could skip over and study at home!"
Next, the chair person read the guidelines for our group which included the suggestion that there be not cross talk. example: If sally says: "I felt like hitting my A in the head with a fry pan last night", then the other members do not address Sally specifically about the fry pan. They do, however, have the opportunity to share their own personal experience.
This is what that feels like in a room of 20 strangers: It felt odd at first. It felt like Sally was sharing her resentment and frustration but no one was addressing it specifically.
However, what was happening was this:
Sally was sharing her honest feelings. Sally was allowed to say what she felt without being cut off, interrupted, judged or minimized.
I learned to love the opportunity to say what I needed to say without being interrupted, judged, minimized and cut-off. It is refreshing after living with active alcoholism.
Ok, back to the meeting.....
The chair person shares the topic for the evening. Some topics are pre-selected like one step per month is a topic, and one tradition per month is a tradition in my community. But the topic is also open to be changed if there is a pressing concern of one of the members.
The group takes turns reading from Alanon books on the selected topic. The reader has the opportunity to share their personal ES&H about the reading or pass. The reader is politely thanked for reading and/or sharing. The next member may share also on that reading or choose the next reading and so on it goes until the end of the hour.
I was advised to try 6 meetings before I decide if Alanon is for me. I learned to appreciate the opportunity to sit still away from the chaos of my life and meditate on the reading of the 12 steps and traditions. I learned to appreciate the opportunity to share without interruption and I learned to appreciate others rights to share without interruption. I keep going back and learning more.
The person with the books and notebooks was the evenings chairperson. The chairperson can change at each meeting as there is not a group leader but an opportunity for each member to chair a meeting and select a topic. This creates equality for all the members of the group.
Then we took turns reading the 12 steps, the 12 traditions, and then someone read the announcements. At the time, I thought to myself: "Gee, we sure are wasting a lot of our hour on reading things I could skip over and study at home!"
Next, the chair person read the guidelines for our group which included the suggestion that there be not cross talk. example: If sally says: "I felt like hitting my A in the head with a fry pan last night", then the other members do not address Sally specifically about the fry pan. They do, however, have the opportunity to share their own personal experience.
This is what that feels like in a room of 20 strangers: It felt odd at first. It felt like Sally was sharing her resentment and frustration but no one was addressing it specifically.
However, what was happening was this:
Sally was sharing her honest feelings. Sally was allowed to say what she felt without being cut off, interrupted, judged or minimized.
I learned to love the opportunity to say what I needed to say without being interrupted, judged, minimized and cut-off. It is refreshing after living with active alcoholism.
Ok, back to the meeting.....
The chair person shares the topic for the evening. Some topics are pre-selected like one step per month is a topic, and one tradition per month is a tradition in my community. But the topic is also open to be changed if there is a pressing concern of one of the members.
The group takes turns reading from Alanon books on the selected topic. The reader has the opportunity to share their personal ES&H about the reading or pass. The reader is politely thanked for reading and/or sharing. The next member may share also on that reading or choose the next reading and so on it goes until the end of the hour.
I was advised to try 6 meetings before I decide if Alanon is for me. I learned to appreciate the opportunity to sit still away from the chaos of my life and meditate on the reading of the 12 steps and traditions. I learned to appreciate the opportunity to share without interruption and I learned to appreciate others rights to share without interruption. I keep going back and learning more.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 626
The meetings that I attend are much like Pelican describes. As a person with some codie/enabling tendencies(obviously) it was hard for me just to sit and listen. I wanted to fix this and change that because it's what I did.
But it is in those rooms that we begin to learn to model "normal" behavior. Each person owns their own stuff. They get to express it. They get to rave about it. And we each get to spend some time letting them be. I get to learn to keep my hands off of other people's problems.
We also get to spend some time meditating on the steps and traditions. I don't recall leaving a meeting where I didn't learn SOMETHING.
But it is in those rooms that we begin to learn to model "normal" behavior. Each person owns their own stuff. They get to express it. They get to rave about it. And we each get to spend some time letting them be. I get to learn to keep my hands off of other people's problems.
We also get to spend some time meditating on the steps and traditions. I don't recall leaving a meeting where I didn't learn SOMETHING.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 132
There is a meeting on sundays after church that I am considering. My hold back? It is really the only meeting i can do with my work schedule and it is down the street from AXBF's hang out (his friends live in that town) and close to his work.
I highly doubt I will run into anyone of them at a meeting-I just dont want the whole "i saw her driving around town" crap or a run in with the XABF.
I know...I need to get over it and worry about me.
I highly doubt I will run into anyone of them at a meeting-I just dont want the whole "i saw her driving around town" crap or a run in with the XABF.
I know...I need to get over it and worry about me.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
A good online meeting place is Step Chat.
Meetings all the time. The slow nature of typed meetings makes me antsy LOL, but it's so very nice to know I can join in a meeting any time.
Meetings all the time. The slow nature of typed meetings makes me antsy LOL, but it's so very nice to know I can join in a meeting any time.
A Pirate looks at 40
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Southeast of Disorder (FL)
Posts: 264
Originally Posted by Still Waters 
A good online meeting place is Step Chat.
Meetings all the time. The slow nature of typed meetings makes me antsy LOL, but it's so very nice to know I can join in a meeting any time.
Meetings all the time. The slow nature of typed meetings makes me antsy LOL, but it's so very nice to know I can join in a meeting any time.
Thanks for the link! I.T. has it filtered here (shakesfist!), but I will check it out when I get home.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
At my home group they say try as many different meetings as you can..go to at least 6 or we will gladly refund your misery! I definately have my favorite groups, people, etc. but do get something out of every meeting. Keep going back..it works if you work it..and your worth it!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: seeking sanity
Posts: 645
Pelican's description is very similar to what goes on in my group. Week to week it just depends on what is going on as to how much we read. Our moderator has someone read the welcome and then the steps and traditions. Then we go around the room and if anyone has anything to say they have an opportunity and if not they can simply pass. Sometimes not much is said and then we go to readings. Sometimes we never get to readings. I've never been to a meeting that I didn't get something out of. I am thankful for both SR and Alanon.
Climbing hills, flying down...
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: By the Sea
Posts: 565
Pie,
I'm right there with you. I tried a meeting recently that sounded very similar to the one you went to, and I decided that style wasn't for me. My therapist suggested I try a "beginner" meeting if there is one in my area. There is. So when I'm over this cold I'm going to see if that one is different.
Hang in there...hope you're well....
I'm right there with you. I tried a meeting recently that sounded very similar to the one you went to, and I decided that style wasn't for me. My therapist suggested I try a "beginner" meeting if there is one in my area. There is. So when I'm over this cold I'm going to see if that one is different.
Hang in there...hope you're well....
A Pirate looks at 40
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Southeast of Disorder (FL)
Posts: 264
Originally Posted by FarawayFromCars
Pie,
I'm right there with you. I tried a meeting recently that sounded very similar to the one you went to, and I decided that style wasn't for me. My therapist suggested I try a "beginner" meeting if there is one in my area. There is. So when I'm over this cold I'm going to see if that one is different.
Hang in there...hope you're well....
I'm right there with you. I tried a meeting recently that sounded very similar to the one you went to, and I decided that style wasn't for me. My therapist suggested I try a "beginner" meeting if there is one in my area. There is. So when I'm over this cold I'm going to see if that one is different.
Hang in there...hope you're well....
A Pirate looks at 40
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Southeast of Disorder (FL)
Posts: 264
Originally Posted by FarawayFromCars
p.s. Did you create the logo under your name? Very cute, that one...
Not sure where I found the mouse at, but changed the background to match forums, then added the text to it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 685
"I did not hear any stories, or see anyone really giving advice, or anything. " --
I think Pelican said this in more or less words - but, as I was reading my book on codependency issues last night, it was talking about "forming your own group" and one thing she emphasized was NOT to give advice. As co-dependents we're so wrapped up in other peoples issues.
It is about listening.
You are more than welcome to share what has worked for YOU, to make YOU in a happier place.
Sorry, if I'm just being redundant here. Still waiting on that first cup of coffee!
I think Pelican said this in more or less words - but, as I was reading my book on codependency issues last night, it was talking about "forming your own group" and one thing she emphasized was NOT to give advice. As co-dependents we're so wrapped up in other peoples issues.
It is about listening.
You are more than welcome to share what has worked for YOU, to make YOU in a happier place.
Sorry, if I'm just being redundant here. Still waiting on that first cup of coffee!
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