Vival

Last night I went to a company meeting with all my coworkers. My boss bought a couple pitchers of beer and I told myself I only wanted to drink a couple since I was with everyone I worked with and my boss. Before I knew it I had drank 10 beers and moved onto tequila probably taking five or six shots of that. Next thing I knew I had woken up on a couch in an apartment I'd never been to before. I looked down and saw that a girl that I like and worked with had texted me. The text was pretty much stating that I had pissed her off last night and that I pretty much was a bad drunk. After a little more research I found out that I went around telling everybody that me and her had sex the night before and was a bumbling fool mainly talking about how drunk I was. This I think ruined my friendship for good with this girl. I apologized of course but I don't think it helped. She said that this will change everything between us. I've been hearing new stuff that I did all day now and a lot of my coworkers don't want me to hangout with them anymore.

This got me thinking. Over the past year everything bad that has happened to me has involved alcohol. I've had to repair family relationships, think I lost a really good friend last night, now it's starting to effect my work, I've made a fool out of myself, and I've damaged property. Over the past year I've started to drink by myself when nobody else is around just so I can take the edge off of everyday life. I'm getting tired of regretting stuff I did the night before I hate hurting people that I care about. Thus I think I'm going to try and stop drinking.

I've come to realize I have nobody to blame except for myself for all this and I need to start making some changes before I loose everyone that is important in my life. I can't fix what has already happened but I believe I can learn from the mistakes of yesterday. Anyways any advice for a rookie at this?

Snarf

Welcome, Vival. This site is an awesome place with many wonderful people who can share with you lots of experience and strength.

I know the feeling of alienating yourself. I know very well how drinking can affect our relationships, careers, feelings about ourselves...Everything about our lives. I also know how much better everything can get when we remove the alcohol from our lives. Stick around. There's lots of good stuff here.

bcboy

Hey Vival

I personally have not went over the edge at a work related party. But I sure have been in your position where you end up waking up in a strange place not knowing how you left the bar.

Take this as a major wake up call. Try to mend what happened with the co-workers and stick around with all of us newcomers and listen to all the stories.

The good news is it could have been MUCH WORSE.

Taking5

My advice is to stop drinking. Not to only drink on special occasions, but to stop drinking period. If you have trouble doing this then I would look to AA or another support group.

spikeman

Welcome Vival.

It's good that you're making a decision now and not ignoring the problem for many years like some of us did. If only I had listened to myself 21 years ago (damn, is it really that long now?) I wouldn't have upset so many family and friends and I would be a lot richer!

You're in the right place. I've only been here 10 days or so myself and I have been given so much support and confidence from being here and listening to others who have been through the exact same problems as me (and you).

Best wishes all,

Spikeman.

NewBeginning010

to SR Vival, I have had very similar situations happen to me in the past when I was drinking. I understand how you might be feeling right now.

The good news is that nobody was seriously harmed (including yourself) and that this can be avoided by not ever picking up that first drink again.

I decided that I was sick & tired of being sick & tired, it sure is a heck of a lot of work drinking and avoiding all of the problems that you create while drinking. Talk about a vicious cycle.

You have found a great place for support, stay close and keep sharing & reading.

All of the best in your recovery,

NB

least

Welcome to the SR family. I can only suggest that whatever method you use to get and stay sober, you must work it like your life depends on it... 'cause it does.

I use a mix of some AA meetings, weekly counseling with an addiction counselor, and this site every day. I also try to always be grateful for what I have and that helps keep me sober 'cause I don't want to ruin what I have by drinking.

Read our stories and post your questions. I'm glad you are wanting to be sober. It takes some effort and sacrifice but the rewards are really worth it.

sobermax

Hi Vival,

I reckon most people here will have had similar experiences. I can only echo all the advice offered above. If you think you might have a drinking problem, then addressing it now before this sort of thing happens again and again and again would be a VERY good idea.

You're in the best place. Keep reading, posting and decide on a course of ACTION.

Welcome to SR!

SM

Severian

Hey Vival. Like you, I realized that my drinking wasn't like everyone else's. They'd have a few beers and I'd drink until I blacked out. Drinking was impacting some of my personal relationships and people at work were whispering about it behind my back.

That was in 1986.

Oh, how I WISH I had done something about it then. 24 years later and I am 3 days sober. Get help now, it only gets worse.

Almath

Hi Vival,

A very warm welcome to the SR Community

Your message definitely rang warning bells with me...I had a similar sort of experience at the beginning of February which scared the living daylights out of me and also brought me here to SR and sobriety... I'm still here 129 days on and haven't looked back since... The feelings of regret, guilt, embarrassment and despair have lessened a lot over the last few months..

I think that this is your warning bell to go sober - you don't have to feel this way again! You can start to enjoy having more time on your hands to do other things; no more blackouts; not waking up with thumping hangovers and you will make new friends, etc. You'll be surprised at how supportive your friends and family will be and you'll get a tremendous amount of support here on Sober Recovery! Keep reading and posting and we will be there to help you every step of the way!

Big hugs,

Almath

TwelveSteps

Welcome, Vival.

Recognizing that you might have a problem is a big part of the battle. Congrats on accomplishing that.

GG

DayTrader

What he said.


If you're not an alcoholic (and you may be), you should be able to always moderate your consumption and/or stop all together by simple will power. If trouble ensues each time or most of the time when you drink, just stop drinking and/or stop drinking so much and life will go back to normal.

I found out I just didn't want to stop.......no matter what the trouble and that I didn't like to moderate - I liked to get DRUNK...loved it in fact. The thought of never drinking again sounded ludicrous to me. So I kept drinking and tried to limit the level. That didn't work though, and I kept getting drunk and "over-drinking" at times when I didn't want to.

I was shown how I was powerless over alcohol....that it controlled me. I didn't like it at first, but AA saved my butt. Now, life's pretty darn cool most of the time. I don't "need" or even want to drink......ever. - Never thought that would be possible.

bochuck

That is probably how all of us felt before stopping you are not alone. We all probably pissed people off,embarresed ourselves etc....So you will feel better day by day and if you are not drinking maybe in time you can go out with your co-workers and not drink and just show them without trying to tell them . Things always turn around for the bestter without alcohol. But it takes time to turn others around to like you again. I think the best is not in words but in your actions.

notnormal

Vival,
It's likely no accident that you are posting on a recovery website. Nor is it likely that you will ever be able to control your drinking. "normal people" don't "normally" say I'm just going to have a couple beers and end up blacking out... you my friend are one of us...
just my opinion and of course you could in fact be a secret closet teetotaler and just have't come out yet....
welcome and I've blacked out some many times I can't remember

Grace2

welcome. I thing we've all been thier.

Kmber2010

Vival - Welcome to SR! You will plenty of great information and experiences and tons of support.

I have been there and done that too many times. Not so much at work functions but at parties and gatherings. I spent most of my time drinking alone at home though. I guess that was my solution in a way to avoid the chaos and drama but nonetheless.....I couldn't remember phone calls or emails/chats that I had. Feeling completely embarrassed by what was said and hating myself all the more for it. I drank heavier the next day to forget and cope with the previous day's drunk events.

Yeah it was a vicious cycle. I can't fix the the past either but I accept, forgave myself as best as I could, and have moved on. How? Getting sober. Putting down the bottle and working my recovery everyday.

The only way to live my life without regret is to live it without the booze.

Glad you are here so keep posting and take a look around. Many of us how stories just like you.

All the best!!

Vival

I want to thank everyone for the support and advice that you have given me. It really helps knowing that there are others that have gone through similar things as me and want to help out.

The first 24 hours have been harder than I thought it would be. With everything going through my head of what I have done and nervousness of today because this will be my first day of work since the company meeting. I used to just grab a beer and start drinking when I felt like this in order to help cope with reality. It took me all I could to not grab one. I also had a really difficult time sleeping.

It didn't help that one of my best friends called me last night while he was drunk trying to get me to come out and drink with him. I hate turning invitations to do things down but I knew that if I went out it would just turn into me getting drunk again and I know I don't want that. It was extremely tempting though and I must admit I almost did head out to drink with him. Anyways I'm now 24 hours sober hoping the next 24 hours will be easier.

Anna

Hi Vival,

I'm glad you're getting through the day.

I think, when we've used alcohol to help us cope with daily life, we need to make a lot of changes in order to get through each day. You can learn to cope with your nervousness and anxiety without drinking. And, you can learn to lessen your anxiety in recovery.

I'm glad you found us!

Kjell

Ahh...blackouts. You know, when I first started getting them, they were innocent enough and I thought they were sort of funny (you know, waking up on the couch, instead of my bed, saying funny things and not remembering...etc...)

Then, I started getting blackouts like the one you describe above (hurting other people's feelings, not remembering where I parked and if I drove, waking up in strange places with strange people...etc...)

...but then my untreated alcoholism became much worse and my blackouts resulted in major problems (duis, ruined relationships, drug finding missions I barely remember...etc...)

Please be careful. Only going for a few beers, then drinking and blacking out is not a good sign and in my experience, it only gets worse over time.

Do you think you're an alcoholic? I think that's a great place to start. Please let me know if I can help in anyway.

Vival

I might be an alcoholic I've just haven't thought about it until yesterday. I do know that I crave alcohol for any reason. A friend gives me a call and says lets play some Xbox-Live and before I know it it's turned into a drinking game, I get a call to go out, I had a bad day at work, or nothing at all happens I find myself reaching into my beer fridge that I have right next to my recliner. It's never just one beer either. This wasn't by far my first blackout situation. Like you I've found that my blackout situations have gotten worse as time goes on. I've even woken up with a broken hand not knowing how I had broken it.

Today at work was tough though for one I work at a bar so I'm always around alcohol. From the moment I walked in people saw me and laughed or I got these angry stares from some of the other coworkers. Some of them came up to me to tell me I was hilarious that night while others came up with stories that I wish I had never heard. Some of these stories made me realize I have a couple more things to mend then I thought. It could of been a lot worse though. I'm just sad I had to lose such a close friendship to me in order to realize what alcohol was doing to my life and people around me. Overall it's been a bad day I've had a headache that won't go away and nausea to the point that I haven't eaten anything for worry of throwing up.

Thanks again for all the stories and support they have already helped me a lot.