praiseHim

It keeps getting worse and worse and worse. I don't see a way out of any of the problems in my life and nothing ever makes it better. I can't take anything else, yet it is some new problem every day. Today was horrible and every day before that I just don't see anything good and feel like I'm drowning and I am! Just needed to vent. I know I have to keep going and keep things together, but for once I wish that I could get a little sunshine or a glimmer of hope. Please God, I can't take anymore! I'm already lost almost everything.

dollydo

It is not so much the circumstance(s) you are involved in, it's how you handle them.

Since your hubby left you have been on a real negative thought process.

You seem to be all consumed by negativity.

What specifically are the problems?

Is your glimmer of hope hanging on reuniting with your husband?

What are the real issues?

praiseHim

I'm not trying to be negative My life is a mess and it is hard to feel happy about it. I did hope that my husband and I would get back together, but I know I can't put hope in that. I guess I'm just messed up all the way around I just needed to vent, I know I'm feeling sorry for myself, I feel like I'm just going to blow. I don't know how not to feel negative. Now I feel worse for feeling negative. I didn't need advice, I just needed to vent. I'm working on grieving my marriage and my life, I've been seperated for a month from my husband because he was abusive physically and has an alcohol problem, I've been trying to work through all my feelings about my marriage and get the courage up to make a move, our finances are so bad we might lose everything, I'm dealing my my own stupid self and negativity codependent issues, mad that I even feel bad about wanting to be with my husband at all and wish I felt differently. I'm just freaking tired of my life and I'm trying so hard to make it different and work through steps and have support, but I still feel like a failure, lonely, alone, unloved, hate my life ! I'm sorry I was negative with my posts. I need to vent somewhere, or I'm going to go crazy. I'm trying to be positive for my kids and am not dragging them into this and I'm trying to do all the right things in my real life and hold it together and I'm not running back to my husband unless I see change and I know I need work too and I'm working on myself, looking for an alanon group, seeing a counselor, and reading books. Please, I dont' need anymore guilt. I understand your point, but I feel like crap and know that I'm probably to blame for everythign already.

ReadyToHelp

Praise,

God gives us no more than we can handle. You need to realize that this is a bunch of tests, to measure your stamina. (and your faith in Him!)

Dolly is so right - it's all about how you handle a problem, not necessarily how many you get. It rains. Do you put up your umbrella or do you stand soaked and and angry?

I'm not saying it's easy, but what we conquer makes us stronger. It's the journey that makes you see who you really are.

I'm sure if you posted your issues, members here would have suggestions. You can also pretend you are helping out a member with your very problems. You'd have to leave your negativity at the door and step up for this person who needs your help. How can this problem be solved? There are solutions.

I'd said just yesterday that heaven forbid I needed some expensive medical procedure. I'd drop cable tv, my cell, keep the lights off, drop Netflix...I'd make a deal with the doctor and pay him off for years, but I'd get it done. Living without the internet is not an option for me...until I make it one.

Keep strong and clear your mind. Be a part of the solution.

mrphillipctrs1

God's words to me and to you.
Jeremiah 29-11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

praiseHim

I feel like I don't even know how to get help right and I'm looking like an idiot on here now I guess I need to try harder. Sorry that I am being negative, I really thought I was trying and making improvements in my life. I guess I failed.

dollydo

I do understand, however, look at the real important aspects of life:

You are alive
You have children that love you
You have the ability to reason
You have have the capabilities to move forward

We all have dark moments in life, we all have challenges to overcome.

The key is not to let these challenges overcome us, we need to think outside the box.

Negativity is a learned habit, we were not born negative, we humans have honed our skills to embrace negativity.

Feed your subconcious mind a positive thought every night right before going to sleep, something so simple as "I will no longer thrive on negativity". Your concious mind will believe it and it will become fact. The subconcious mind is the controller of your body and mind. Your concious mind only believes what the subconcious mind tells it.

You are allowing your husband to drive your car, now jump back in the drivers seat, with the right attitude you can and will do this!


As ever,
Dolly

LaTeeDa

First thing--blame is useless. Blaming yourself for whatever is troubling you in the moment serves no purpose other than to make you feel worse. Blaming the alcoholic is not helpful either because it only keeps you stuck in the past.

You are here, right now. That's it. How you got here doesn't matter except for the lessons learned.

When I feel stuck and negative, I make a gratitude list. You can do it mentally or on paper, but I find paper is better because in the time it takes to write the things I am grateful for, I can contemplate them and appreciate the feelings of gratitude.

Here's a start:

I am grateful to be alive and breathing.
I am grateful for my two beautiful children.
I am grateful that I have food for dinner.
I am grateful for the trees and flowers and fresh air in my backyard.

What are you grateful for?

L

ItsmeAlice

I've been where you are and I was at my wit's end. If I was busy doing something I was okay but as soon as my focus slowed, all I could see was the never ending list of obstacles in my way, debts I will seemingly never pay off....on and on. My heart felt heavy every day and it was all I could not to burst into tears at any moment.

And then things slowly changed. Did the debts get paid, no. Did the obstacles stop piling up, gosh no. Do I often get up in the morning and think Oh, man I got a lot to do before I can get back in this bed, heck yeah. But I'm starting to get it now.

I started by forcing myself to find a positive in every negative. Paying a past due bill not matter how small got a happy dance and a bubble bath (granted it was with dish soap bubbles because I couldn't afford bubble bath but it was a reward just the same). Made it to payday without running out of toilet paper after rationing it got a $.50 candy bar at the checkout next shopping trip. etc.

I have an ongoing list of all the past due things I have to get done. I ride around on almost bald tires as new tires creeps slowly up on the list. I focus on what are must haves and leave the rest till I can get to it. My world will not stop spinning on its axis because I can't afford those new tires just yet, but if I don't budget first for gas money, it will defenitely get pretty rocky 'round here.

My point of this is that by putting my life into perspective and keeping in mind every single day what really matters (those I love, my health, my spirit), what's just life taking its twists and turns (bills, roommate drama), and what keeps me moving forward (goals set, rewards earned) make all the negative, heavy hearted sadness lift off me.

Please hang in there.

Alice

MissFixit

I want to add that wen I get caught up in anger or sadness I try to think about what there is to be happy about and how can I embrace those things. Health. I am healthy, so how do I work to maintain or improve my health. My dog. I love my pooch. MAybe he needs an extra walk or snuggle time.

hello-kitty

I'm sorry that you are feeling so awful right now. That sucks.

I'm not trying to make light of your problems because I know life can be overwhelming at times. But once I started focusing on me and my children (and the addict stopped sucking all my power), I was able to start improving my situation instead of stressing out over things I had know control over.

Can you make a greatful list right now? Of all the things you have to be thankful for. There must be a couple things. Today I have food on the table. Today I have a roof over my head. I don't live on a dump eating garbage - and most likely never will. And there are so many people who do in this world. I'm really blessed. No one is chasing me down right now trying to hack off my arms and legs. That's not even a challenge I have to face. Again, for many, they have to deal with that nightmare on a daily basis. I'm lucky that my child was born with both arms, both legs, all his mental faculties.

I can think of so many blessings. And it helps. Have you tried?

Also, creating an action plan helps me. Can you make a to do list? And start attacking it one babystep at a time.

Didn't you mention you are seeing a counselor? I hope she/he can help. Be really honest about how you are feeling. Perhaps some antidepressants will help you.

All things work for good.... (I'm sure you know the verse.) And there's many more verses just like it where that came from.

catlovermi

I'm sorry it's such a hard, dark place for you right now. Grieving is exhausting, really.

I remember being in the pit, and journaling helped me, because day after day it felt the same, but after several days, or a week, or longer, I could go back and read what I had made it past, and see where some progress had been made or small goals accomplished.

:ghug3

Hugs to you in your hours of darkness. Is there some little thing you can do to comfort yourself a bit? A bite of chocolate, a warm bath, a soothing scented candle?

CLMI

Seren

((((Praisehim)))) please be kind to yourself. Your emotions as you work through this will be all over the map, and there is nothing wrong with that. It's a perfectly natural and normal response to everything that has happened.

In early 2000, I found out that my then husband of 10 years had been having an affair with one of his students. He asked me for a divorce, then wanted to go to counseling, then would either call to cancel the appointment without telling me, or leave me sitting in the counselor's office by myself--a no show. I ended up having to move out of our home and finding a few apartment. I was only working part-time and trying to finish my Bachelor of Science.....no time, no money, I allowed Mr. Happy Pants to completely affect my self esteem, too. He took the divorce paperwork up until the point where all that was needed was the judges signature....and he just sat on it and did nothing for a long time. Finally, I had to tell him either you get it signed or I will.

Now that I am on the other side, I can tell you IT DOES GET BETTER....YAY!!!! Little by little, day by day, there is sunshine and laughter and joy again. It may not seem like it now, but it does, promise! I know you are experiencing a lot of problems right now...just tackle them one at a time. Ask for help from your family, your friends, your church. Surround yourself with loving and positive people.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs, HG

mrphillipctrs1

I like that, because it's the way my XAGF thinks, or doesn't think

theuncertainty

PH, please don't feel that any one here thinks you're an idiot. We don't and you most certainly are not. You are going through a terrible, rough, and painful time. We know that, we've been there, I've been there, some of us may be there now, some of us may be there in the future...

You've posted here instead of isolating yourself, so you are doing something to get help.

I've recently been feeling overwhelmed, lost and anxious when trying to look at the totality of what a mess my life is compared to where I wanted/want it to be. It's helped me to either:

1. Shift focus as others mentioned by making a list of good things. It can be as grand or small as the day takes: I have an amazing, sweet little boy. It was sunny today. It rained today. The idiot who ran the red light didn't hit my car even though I was already in the intersection....

2. Dial in the focus: pinpoint it on only one thing that feels negative and ignore the rest. Work out solutions for that problem or brainstorm ways to help fix it.

3. I often read my son's book, Zen Shorts by Jon J Muth. There is a wonderful mini story in it about The Farmer's Luck which is based on a Taoist story, where some thing happens that seems bad, but turns out to be good, which leads to more good vs. bad vs. good luck. (Google The Farmer's Luck and several short versions come up, but I really like Zen Shorts.)

And then some days, I really do just need to set aside time to grieve for my dreams that I'm still trying to let go or revise.

Hugs for you, PH.

isurvived

For me, things seemed to come in 3's, and sometimes more! Clusters of bad things to deal with, and it CAN seem overwhelming, that is true. Gets one down but fast!

My grandmother always said "This too shall pass." I often thought of that when I was in the midst of all those bad things. She was right, they do pass.

Best thing to do (like all the others have said) is "be grateful". Give thanks for all of the good things in your life. Even if it is just small simple things we normally take for granted. If you make a point of taking note of all the good, the bad lessens.

LisaJean1970

PraiseHim, I think someone mentioned this already, but I've been told that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. So for Him to pile so much on you... you must be a truly amazing person.

He's giving you more to overcome because He knows that you are one of the few people in the world who CAN handle it. All I can tell you is to stay strong, and keep in mind that everything passes.

Sometimes when I feel the way you feel now, I think back to another time I felt that way, and I remind myself that I got through it then, so surely I can get through it now.

Daisy30

You are dealing with a lot right now.
It helps if you can find someone you can talk things through with, a pastor, councelor, al-anon, domestic violence center, etc. You don't have to talk to just one person you can have a few people. It will help so much just to talk these feeling out (((hugs))).

aboutdone

My little 2 cents.

Serenity prayer, serenity prayer, serenity prayer, serenity prayer, serenity prayer.........

Some days we have to take it hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second, and maybe even moment by moment to get through the hard times.

There hasn't been anything I couldn't deal with, when I fall on the serenity prayer. And yes, I have said it so many times in a row I can't even tell you how many times it was, but it worked.

Its a prayer to HP, as well as reminding yourself, that if you can't control it....let it go.

I know its tough, but somedays, when I just want to kick rocks, it is usually because I am obsessing over something I have absolutely no control over anyways. Once I realize that, is gets easier.

Que Sera, Sera (Whatever Will Be, Will Be).

A person I know sold his house last summer, as part of the divorce agreement. They took $50,000 less than the original asking price, and all total he lost over $100,000, however they sold as the market wasn't good, and they were starting to fall behind on the payments. Man, was he bitter about the whole thing. Carried a lot of resentment about it.

Fast forward to now. He lost his job. His Ex is getting laid off soon. Now months later he is grateful, they sold when they did, or they would have been foreclosed on, and not only had nothing to show for it, but ruined credit as well.

It takes time for the positive to always shine through, yet I promise you, something good comes out of everything.

Don't beat yourself up. Do post. Do vent. Most of us have been in your shoes at some point or another. We get it. We know the feelings. We understand. We also know what steps it takes to make it better. What has to be done to crawl up out of the dark hole we find ourselves in at times. We are all different so we all have a unique perspective for what worked for us, and maybe something we have done will help you. Thats what we are here for.

(((hugs)))

bookwyrm

Have you been feeling like this for weeks now? Have you been to see a doctor about how you're feeling? I suffer from depression and the feelings you're describing sounds a lot like how I feel without my anti depressants. The right meds in the right dose helps lift the weight of my depression and gives me space to start dealing with things.

Remember that what you're feeling will pass eventually. I had a hard time realising that I would be happy again one day when I was in the midst of my blackest days. I believed I would feel like that forever. This kind of thinking leads to suicide - please seek help before then!