New - Lurker
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 73
New - Lurker
Hi. I am new here. I have been using this site for the last 4 months and it has helped with my 4 months of sobriety which I just wrecked. My problem is an angry husband (easy excuse to drink). When I first found this site I did not post because of his reaction (a bunch of losers - had same reaction to AA). I felt I could go it alone but realize it is too hard. I now know I need support and am reaching out.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Kody, do you think your husband would say you should "just stop"? That doesn't work for a lot of people if they reach a point in their drinking where they need to reach out.
Do you want to stop for yourself regardless of what he thinks about drinking or does he have an opinion about quitting too?
Do you want to stop for yourself regardless of what he thinks about drinking or does he have an opinion about quitting too?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 73
He is out of my control. But last night when he was doing his usual complaining I said well leave. His response was it was my house and you do not work. If I choose to leave him (which would be my best choice he will make my life hell). I have so much pent up anger with him.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
OK, I have to give him credit for understanding that it is something you have to deal with. I suppose I would be jumping to conclusions to think that he would have a problem with whatever option you chose to quit. And I don't know where he stands on his relationship with alcohol, if there is one at all.
I guess I would vote for you to keep using this site and see what you get out of it by interacting and not just lurking, as you have begun to do. I don't know if you have given AA a try as well. I'm hopeful you will begin to see it's worth it to share here, and I actually think you will get something good out of it.
I guess I would vote for you to keep using this site and see what you get out of it by interacting and not just lurking, as you have begun to do. I don't know if you have given AA a try as well. I'm hopeful you will begin to see it's worth it to share here, and I actually think you will get something good out of it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Edmonton, Alberta.
Posts: 398
Hi Kody, and welcome to SR!
Please keep posting here -it is a wonderful source of strength.
It seems that most people need support of some kind to stop drinking and stay sober. There are many options available - I'm a new AA member and have find the meetings and program invaluable. Others simply use this site, or their own program.
I lurked for ages (still drinking) but have found that posting and interacting with other people who understand me and my alcoholism is far more helpful.
Forgive me but from what you say, it doesn't sound as if you can rely on much support at home. Does your H understand the way you feel?
Quitters yes, losers NO!
SM
Please keep posting here -it is a wonderful source of strength.
It seems that most people need support of some kind to stop drinking and stay sober. There are many options available - I'm a new AA member and have find the meetings and program invaluable. Others simply use this site, or their own program.
I lurked for ages (still drinking) but have found that posting and interacting with other people who understand me and my alcoholism is far more helpful.
Forgive me but from what you say, it doesn't sound as if you can rely on much support at home. Does your H understand the way you feel?
Quitters yes, losers NO!
SM
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
hi kody - I agree that you need all the support you can get right now. I don't know what the situation is with your husband, but you have to do what is best for you. Is this typical of your relationship (alot of anger between you), or do you think it's come about with your drinking or quitting?
Hoping for the best for you.
Hoping for the best for you.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Welcome Kody. I couldn't do it alone either. I thank God for this site and for these beautiful, compassionate people here. I would not be sober today had I not found this place and reached out. You can do it. Reach out whenever you need to. Someone will be here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 73
Thank you for all your responses. My biggest support is my 17 year old daughter she has been wonderful through all of this. He tends to pick on her she takes it very well. Anyways to make a long story short he started keeping beer in the refrigerator in the basement (he feels this is my problem). His reason for having it is in case someone comes over (he is in no way an alcoholic). Well he knew I drank 2 days ago (have not drank since). So last night I went out with my daughter and when I get home he is sitting there in the driveway with the neighbor having a beer. Sometimes I think he wants me to fail because in his eyes it makes him the better parent. We have two other daughters. He does very little with them except to complain how messy the house is.
I'm just frustrated with the whole situation. I am not drinking for me and my daughters. I feel so much better when I don't drink.
In a way I let him wear me down. The day before I drank he was being his usual annoying self so I told him to leave (I meant just at that moment). His response was it is my house and that I don't work. Well I don't know what taking care of three kids is.
I'm just frustrated with the whole situation. I am not drinking for me and my daughters. I feel so much better when I don't drink.
In a way I let him wear me down. The day before I drank he was being his usual annoying self so I told him to leave (I meant just at that moment). His response was it is my house and that I don't work. Well I don't know what taking care of three kids is.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Kody, it sounds to me like there is a power game going on. Your observation of him in the driveway as an opportunity to point out an eventual failure at sobriety in you could be true or could be fabricated in your mind; either way, it comes from the way you two relate to each other, and it doesn't sound like there is a lot of good communication or consideration. I'm happy with you not wanting to drink, because you would only fill yourself up with false hopes and false anything good and harm yourself in the process.
As you continue to stay away from drinking, don't worry about the idea of associating yourself with losers (here or in AA). Quitting is too important for it to weigh in at all, and that's what the so-called "losers" are for. I am guessing that you could also make use of talking with people about the relationships in your family, and not just in this site, but maybe other sites or in person.
As you continue to stay away from drinking, don't worry about the idea of associating yourself with losers (here or in AA). Quitting is too important for it to weigh in at all, and that's what the so-called "losers" are for. I am guessing that you could also make use of talking with people about the relationships in your family, and not just in this site, but maybe other sites or in person.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: London
Posts: 266
Please contact the closest Women's organisation you may have around. Alcohol is not your only problem. He is using your problem to treat you badly. Do you want to stay in this relationship? What is this relationship giving you?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,774
Welcome to the SR family! 
YOu'll find lots of support and useful info here. It is hard to stop drinking when there's no support at home, but it can be done. You have to want to stop for yourself, your own well being.
I hope we can help you stay sober. This site has been a huge help to me. I hope it is for you also.
YOu'll find lots of support and useful info here. It is hard to stop drinking when there's no support at home, but it can be done. You have to want to stop for yourself, your own well being. I hope we can help you stay sober. This site has been a huge help to me. I hope it is for you also.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 76
IMO....Your husband is DEFINITELY on a power trip. It is obvious he has a lot of anger towards you, but this is just darned wrong. Buying beer and putting it in the basement fridg for company is blantantly inconsiderate and a backhanded way of abusing and sticking it to you.
Many husbands pull this type of power play....especially when their wives don't work outside of the house. They put little value on what you do at home, the years you put into being there for your kids...etc....., since there is not a monetary contributition being made by you towards the household. YES, definitely a power trip.
I am so sorry for you and your situation. You need to get better for you, don't let him continue to sabatoge you and drag you down. It sounds like he has a lot to do with your continued drinking problem and you need some outside support.
God bless you!
Many husbands pull this type of power play....especially when their wives don't work outside of the house. They put little value on what you do at home, the years you put into being there for your kids...etc....., since there is not a monetary contributition being made by you towards the household. YES, definitely a power trip.
I am so sorry for you and your situation. You need to get better for you, don't let him continue to sabatoge you and drag you down. It sounds like he has a lot to do with your continued drinking problem and you need some outside support.
God bless you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 237
Your husband sounds like a bully. You really dont need someone trying to sabatoge your sobriety for his own selfish gain. And if he is rude or mean to your daughters as well then I would think that you are better off on the street than in that house with him. Staying sober will help you see more clearly so that you can do whats necessary for you and your daughters. I would recomend AA (do it in secret if you have to) His biggest worry is probably losing you or his control over you - its alot easier to control a drunk than a sober person. And let me guess - he probably says all your friends are losers too. Because, he probably realises that anyone you get close to is going to try to help you and make you see who the real 'loser' here is.
Your in my thoughts
Your in my thoughts
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Up, Up and Away
Posts: 434
I agree with the other posts about your husband. And I would recommend that you ask him to remove the beer. If he won't, then throw it out yourself.
If throwing out the beer causes major problems, you need some support from a women's organization.
Just my opinion, best wishes.
If throwing out the beer causes major problems, you need some support from a women's organization.
Just my opinion, best wishes.
Wandering Student of Life
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: MSP MN
Posts: 126
Hey Kody,
I hope you don't feel bad or nervous about coming here to SR. I think it'll be a good place for you to just hang out - make reading the threads and posting here a hoby
Remember, though he's a significant part of your life, your first duty is to yourself. Whether he attempts to understand/support you or not, this place always will.
I'm glad you're here and posting - best wishes!
WW
I hope you don't feel bad or nervous about coming here to SR. I think it'll be a good place for you to just hang out - make reading the threads and posting here a hoby
Remember, though he's a significant part of your life, your first duty is to yourself. Whether he attempts to understand/support you or not, this place always will.
I'm glad you're here and posting - best wishes!
WW
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