its a good day:)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 83
its a good day:)
I always called myself a functioning alcoholic. I start my day at 3am get my day done as good as I can (I know I can do Better) then 3pm hits and I get the same old urge always at the same time everyday. I have been thinking alot about that time of the day I can set the clock by when my body wants booze so I am turning my thoughts to something else anything else whether it's just closing my eyes and concentrating on relaxing. taking my dog for a walk or coming here to spill my guts to you fine people
I know now that if I can get passed this time of day I can make it.
the last few days I have been feeling euphoric, sleepy and just plain weird but its in a good kinda of way a sense of contentment yet every morning I suddenly wake up and the first thought in my head is OMG! did I drink last night?? then I realize no I made it thru another day man what a relief.
I feel bright eyed and happy but not yet energetic I hope in time that will come. I have noticed I am hungry where before I would go without and have a liquid dinner instead of food my stomach is growling I guess it's not drunk anymore it never used to make noise or really even function and it doesn't burn anymore can all this be happening after only four days? I have been a hardcore drinker all my life I remember when I started at age 11 being so drunk I couldn't ride my bicycle and I continued to drink as much as I could. booze was everywhere and still is I find it sad going thru this struggle with alcohol and I can't seem to get away from it it's all over the place on TV commercials, movies you name it! well I guess that is something I will need to just deal with.
I think sobriety and healthy living go hand in hand I am finding myself eating healthy food and caring about myself in general now that's a switch.
I want to call around and see if I can find a sponsor hopefully someone like me that has been drinking a lifetime and started when they were a kid maybe then the person can understand the root of my problem.
thanks for listening I hope my posts are not too long maybe I should buy a diary? I need this outlet right now. pardon if it all sounds silly
my new signature...
alcoholism it a progressive disease. what used to knock me on my butt won't even give me a warm fuzzy now.
I'm going to get high on life!
I know now that if I can get passed this time of day I can make it.the last few days I have been feeling euphoric, sleepy and just plain weird but its in a good kinda of way a sense of contentment yet every morning I suddenly wake up and the first thought in my head is OMG! did I drink last night?? then I realize no I made it thru another day man what a relief.
I feel bright eyed and happy but not yet energetic I hope in time that will come. I have noticed I am hungry where before I would go without and have a liquid dinner instead of food my stomach is growling I guess it's not drunk anymore it never used to make noise or really even function and it doesn't burn anymore can all this be happening after only four days? I have been a hardcore drinker all my life I remember when I started at age 11 being so drunk I couldn't ride my bicycle and I continued to drink as much as I could. booze was everywhere and still is I find it sad going thru this struggle with alcohol and I can't seem to get away from it it's all over the place on TV commercials, movies you name it! well I guess that is something I will need to just deal with.
I think sobriety and healthy living go hand in hand I am finding myself eating healthy food and caring about myself in general now that's a switch.
I want to call around and see if I can find a sponsor hopefully someone like me that has been drinking a lifetime and started when they were a kid maybe then the person can understand the root of my problem.
thanks for listening I hope my posts are not too long maybe I should buy a diary? I need this outlet right now. pardon if it all sounds silly
my new signature...
alcoholism it a progressive disease. what used to knock me on my butt won't even give me a warm fuzzy now.
I'm going to get high on life!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Edmonton, Alberta.
Posts: 398
Hey 1LC,
What a great post, thanks.
So glad that things are looking brighter for you. I feel the same way, being a newbie myself - was amazed at how 'things' seemed to start improving almost immediately. I have been wondering how much of this is about the way I see things now (ie not in double vision and with a filter of contempt for everyone around me) - don't care really. Life is immeasurably better and more doable sober. Period.
Keep posting, please!
What a great post, thanks.
So glad that things are looking brighter for you. I feel the same way, being a newbie myself - was amazed at how 'things' seemed to start improving almost immediately. I have been wondering how much of this is about the way I see things now (ie not in double vision and with a filter of contempt for everyone around me) - don't care really. Life is immeasurably better and more doable sober. Period.
Keep posting, please!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 66
Please keep posting. It's important to vent those thoughts and we've all had them ourselves so we know just what you mean! They are certainly not silly!
I'm glad you are thinking about the part of the day when you usually drink. I'm only on my third day of sobriety from a relapse, and this time I'm paying particular attention to my triggers and the times of day that I used to drink because that's where I screwed up last time.
Don't try and solve every problem at once, just don't drink today and enjoy the good feeling that comes from that. Finding a sponsor sounds like a great idea.
I'm glad you are thinking about the part of the day when you usually drink. I'm only on my third day of sobriety from a relapse, and this time I'm paying particular attention to my triggers and the times of day that I used to drink because that's where I screwed up last time.
Don't try and solve every problem at once, just don't drink today and enjoy the good feeling that comes from that. Finding a sponsor sounds like a great idea.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by sobermax 
Hey 1LC,
What a great post, thanks.
So glad that things are looking brighter for you. I feel the same way, being a newbie myself - was amazed at how 'things' seemed to start improving almost immediately. I have been wondering how much of this is about the way I see things now (ie not in double vision and with a filter of contempt for everyone around me) - don't care really. Life is immeasurably better and more doable sober. Period.
Keep posting, please!
What a great post, thanks.
So glad that things are looking brighter for you. I feel the same way, being a newbie myself - was amazed at how 'things' seemed to start improving almost immediately. I have been wondering how much of this is about the way I see things now (ie not in double vision and with a filter of contempt for everyone around me) - don't care really. Life is immeasurably better and more doable sober. Period.
Keep posting, please!
myself long enough to feel anything. I thought life was supposed to be altered because mine has been that way for 33 years I never gave quitting a second thought and it took literally years for the whole thing to progress to this point. my biggest wish is for others to wake up sooner than I did and not waste a moment of being on this beautiful planet.
when I say I am a functioning alcoholic what I mean by that is by all outward appearances I was normal. I didn't get dui's or any troubles with the law or marital troubles or financial stuff to cause me to come to this point its like I woke up and started seeing my health declining and just feeling bad. I think its my midlife crisis and I think for me its a God send I wish I would have had the midlife thing sooner. I don't know your story but if you ever need to talk I will listen
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Edmonton, Alberta.
Posts: 398
Hi L,
Me too - still got my job, house, marriage . . . just woke up one morning with a certainty in me that 1. Things were going to get worse if I kept drinking and 2. That I couldn't do it on my own.
I've had quite long periods of abstinence in the past, but always went back because just not drinking isn't enough. I'm beginning to see that this isn't about booze so much as my own head. Got to make some changes.
Someone posted here the other day that being 'functioning' isn't a type of alcoholic, but a stage of alcoholism. Loved that.
So glad that things are going well for you.
Me too - still got my job, house, marriage . . . just woke up one morning with a certainty in me that 1. Things were going to get worse if I kept drinking and 2. That I couldn't do it on my own.
I've had quite long periods of abstinence in the past, but always went back because just not drinking isn't enough. I'm beginning to see that this isn't about booze so much as my own head. Got to make some changes.
Someone posted here the other day that being 'functioning' isn't a type of alcoholic, but a stage of alcoholism. Loved that.
So glad that things are going well for you.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi 1lastchance! It took me a good week, even two, to start feeling like I had any energy again. It was weird because I'd feel so tired, yet had problems getting to sleep. But gathering from the posts here at SR, it's very common. Also, I was ravenous for almost a week after getting sober. I had a stack of take-out menus on the side table by my bed!
Thanks for the post - sounds to me like you're doing great!
Thanks for the post - sounds to me like you're doing great!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by artsoul
Hi 1lastchance! It took me a good week, even two, to start feeling like I had any energy again. It was weird because I'd feel so tired, yet had problems getting to sleep. But gathering from the posts here at SR, it's very common. Also, I was ravenous for almost a week after getting sober. I had a stack of take-out menus on the side table by my bed!
Thanks for the post - sounds to me like you're doing great!
Thanks for the post - sounds to me like you're doing great!
I think my body was so used to being pumped with JD and hard apple cider which I know is loaded with sugar to getting next to none would cause kind of a low blood sugar shock along with dizziness and a surreal feeling yet content if that makes any sense. I have been getting so sleepy everyday about the sametime to the point of just passing out and I sleep really good better than I have in years and whats really cool is I'm dreaming!
I haven't had dreams since I was a kid.I am at the start of another great day. I feel oddly awesome yet I know I still will not be all that productive due to lack of energy and my mind being preoccupied and I'm really focused on my sobriety and teaching myself how to live but thats ok I decided to just let nature take its course let my mind and body heal and in time it will come. really strange I have never been this easy on myself I was always hyper and always pushing myself to the point of being miserable so it's high time I learn to relax.
you know that song? I'm in a hurry to get things done I rush and rush until lifes no fun all I really gotta do in live and die but I'm in a hurry and don't know why..that fits me "the old me"
Thanks for listening
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 83
yes! it's me. how ya doing me? I'm talking to myself again lol
after many many years of self abuse with one poison or another on a daily basis why is it that I only started getting the shakes recently and thats after a really huge quanity of liquor the morning after? I hear people say they shake when they need a drink and they have only been drinking for a short time by comparison? I have not had a drink since last Thursday and so far besides eating everything in sight and feeling weird I am doing good calm as a cucumber and goofy as h*ll but I feel better than I have in so long. is the booze still in my system? I have asked this before but never got an answer how long does it take to clear your system of the poison?
I feel like I am waiting for a bomb to drop and all the sudden I'm gonna start getting super bad cravings or start having hellacious withdrawls I dono?
Hmm maybe this is all just a good dream if it is I never want to wake up.
after many many years of self abuse with one poison or another on a daily basis why is it that I only started getting the shakes recently and thats after a really huge quanity of liquor the morning after? I hear people say they shake when they need a drink and they have only been drinking for a short time by comparison? I have not had a drink since last Thursday and so far besides eating everything in sight and feeling weird I am doing good calm as a cucumber and goofy as h*ll but I feel better than I have in so long. is the booze still in my system? I have asked this before but never got an answer how long does it take to clear your system of the poison?
I feel like I am waiting for a bomb to drop and all the sudden I'm gonna start getting super bad cravings or start having hellacious withdrawls I dono?
Hmm maybe this is all just a good dream if it is I never want to wake up.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: out there
Posts: 114
ye I wonder what the root of my problem has been. I mean why is it that some of us keep drinking. Through the years my friends in high school and college who use to get wasted with me don't drink anymore I mean some do but only a few drinks. I wil meet up with them after not seeing them for years and maybe go to lunch ,reunion whatever. They stop after a few but i haveto keep going. They don't have a problem with it. WHY! Maybe they secretly went to AA or do have a problem I don't know.
The root of our problem is....................?
The root of our problem is....................?
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: out there
Posts: 114
yes I feel good. day 5 for me. I am waiting for the hard stuff to happen maybe it is all a good dream. Would be nice. I haven't been through the part yet where I have to meet with people in a drinking enviroment. I mean my friends go out for lunch and usually have 2-3 glasses of wine. What will I do What will I say. Because I know if I do have 2 glasses I will buy more on the way home. BUT....FEELING GOOD ALSO Hip hip hoorah for us.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by bochuck
yes I feel good. day 5 for me. I am waiting for the hard stuff to happen maybe it is all a good dream. Would be nice. I haven't been through the part yet where I have to meet with people in a drinking enviroment. I mean my friends go out for lunch and usually have 2-3 glasses of wine. What will I do What will I say. Because I know if I do have 2 glasses I will buy more on the way home. BUT....FEELING GOOD ALSO Hip hip hoorah for us.
I think its genetic some people can have one or to and be fine with it and their done some can't. I can't. for instance I'm obsessive about all aspects of my life I dont do anything just a little for me its all or nothing and thats where the trouble starts. I know what you mean waiting for a bomb to drop just be prepared and wear a full metal jacket thats what I am gonna do I can't always avoid friends who drink or other similar situations so I won't it's just unrealistic although I'm not gonna go bar hopping either. when I find myself in a situation like yours going to lunch with friends I will already have a plan in place and I will stick to it. if you dont want to tell them of your problem dont just say youre sticking with ice tea and alcohol is fattening but if you can't trust yourself at this point then don't go until at some point when you're more sure of yourself after all we both are in the infant stages of how to deal with such temptations
for me its become do or die and I sure as heck am not ready to die. keep up the great work! we can do it!!! and we will....
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Originally Posted by 1lastchance
I feel oddly awesome yet I know I still will not be all that productive due to lack of energy and my mind being preoccupied and I'm really focused on my sobriety and teaching myself how to live but thats ok I decided to just let nature take its course let my mind and body heal and in time it will come. really strange I have never been this easy on myself I was always hyper and always pushing myself to the point of being miserable so it's high time I learn to relax.
you know that song? I'm in a hurry to get things done I rush and rush until lifes no fun all I really gotta do in live and die but I'm in a hurry and don't know why..that fits me "the old me"
you know that song? I'm in a hurry to get things done I rush and rush until lifes no fun all I really gotta do in live and die but I'm in a hurry and don't know why..that fits me "the old me"
I've been doing the same thing you have, which is to try to let things go. I think the whole "one day at a time" is really helpful in general, not just for keeping sober. It's also great not to have that horrid anxiety every morning.
Thanks for the post - I can relate!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 83
My DH and I celebrated our 27th Anniversary last night!
He arrived home with a beautiful bouquet of flowers in one hand and a bottle of Champagne in the other at first I was startled,shocked and upset because we are both seeking sobriety together!
no no he said its non alcoholic apple cider
well after I picked myself off the ceiling and I recovered from my coronary we had a wonderful dinner and enjoyed the most bubbly non champagne I ever had
this is our first sober anniversary and to my amazement the most enjoyable
and memorable(of course). here's to a new beginning! we had some wonderful conversations last night.
and have decided that ever 100 days of sobriety we will reward ourselves and decided the first reward will be a trip to Mammoth cave in October to camp,fish and just get back to nature. we figured out that what we were spending on booze weekly will more than pay for a trip every 100 days with funds to spare I went through the check book and was in total disbelief how much we spent on alcohol! 800 + a month!! holy cow!! then came the feelings of well if only we would have??? coulda woulda shoulda bla bla bla and a huge feeling of digust and then the phone rang it was my Brother a long time abuser of everything he could get his hands on
the conversation started out as the norm but it was the first time we have talked in 8+ months he soon told me that he is sick from all the years of abusing himself and that he had just gotten out of the Hospital due to congestive heart failure and we now know he has severe liver disease and a host of other problems and is on tons of drugs to keep his heart going. the Doctors said he could go at anytime and will be lucky to see age 52 in OCT. I feel very sad for him but at the same time not surprised at all. he said lil sis this is your wakeup call and this is what can and will happen if you don't take care of yourself please don't follow in my steps I just told him I love you Brother....(a loss for words what can I say?)
we come from a long line of substance abusers my sisters the heroine addict another brother oded on lsd years ago and has never been all there since. father,mother both drunks(amazing in their 80's and still kicking I think thier pickled) and uncle commited suicide a long with my brother inlaw thats when my sister went to her doc. yet in all this darkness I feel strength too not do what they have done I feel like a higher source has dropped this in my lap as an example to straigten up and fly right or follow them to an early grave. the choice is mine and I have more then made my commitment to stay clean.
this is a reminder to myself and to all the young souls out there that have so much life to live on this beautiful planet. Please don't don't waste a minute of it......
He arrived home with a beautiful bouquet of flowers in one hand and a bottle of Champagne in the other at first I was startled,shocked and upset because we are both seeking sobriety together!
no no he said its non alcoholic apple cider
well after I picked myself off the ceiling and I recovered from my coronary we had a wonderful dinner and enjoyed the most bubbly non champagne I ever had this is our first sober anniversary and to my amazement the most enjoyable
and memorable(of course). here's to a new beginning! we had some wonderful conversations last night.
and have decided that ever 100 days of sobriety we will reward ourselves and decided the first reward will be a trip to Mammoth cave in October to camp,fish and just get back to nature. we figured out that what we were spending on booze weekly will more than pay for a trip every 100 days with funds to spare I went through the check book and was in total disbelief how much we spent on alcohol! 800 + a month!! holy cow!! then came the feelings of well if only we would have??? coulda woulda shoulda bla bla bla and a huge feeling of digust and then the phone rang it was my Brother a long time abuser of everything he could get his hands on
the conversation started out as the norm but it was the first time we have talked in 8+ months he soon told me that he is sick from all the years of abusing himself and that he had just gotten out of the Hospital due to congestive heart failure and we now know he has severe liver disease and a host of other problems and is on tons of drugs to keep his heart going. the Doctors said he could go at anytime and will be lucky to see age 52 in OCT. I feel very sad for him but at the same time not surprised at all. he said lil sis this is your wakeup call and this is what can and will happen if you don't take care of yourself please don't follow in my steps I just told him I love you Brother....(a loss for words what can I say?)we come from a long line of substance abusers my sisters the heroine addict another brother oded on lsd years ago and has never been all there since. father,mother both drunks(amazing in their 80's and still kicking I think thier pickled) and uncle commited suicide a long with my brother inlaw thats when my sister went to her doc. yet in all this darkness I feel strength too not do what they have done I feel like a higher source has dropped this in my lap as an example to straigten up and fly right or follow them to an early grave. the choice is mine and I have more then made my commitment to stay clean.
this is a reminder to myself and to all the young souls out there that have so much life to live on this beautiful planet. Please don't don't waste a minute of it......
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
WOW, 1LC - you certainly have seen some heartache up close and personal. It's very sobering (literally) to know what addiction can and does do to destroy lives everyday. I am so very sorry about your brother.
I LOVED your story about your anniversary dinner. aaawwwww.
ani
After reading the rest of the post, I think you truly deserve this new sense of happiness in your life. The travel fund (formerly alcohol fund) sounds like a WONDERFUL idea!
Keep up the good work!
I LOVED your story about your anniversary dinner. aaawwwww.
aniAfter reading the rest of the post, I think you truly deserve this new sense of happiness in your life. The travel fund (formerly alcohol fund) sounds like a WONDERFUL idea!
Keep up the good work!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 83
TGIF!
Today is day 8 in my journey to sobriety and I am learning to deal with all of lifes little issues that trigger my self destruction.
I feel powerful and more determined than ever to kick the living s**t out of my addiction. my eyes are bright my mind is clear I even shaved my legs lol its amazing to me when I was drunk all the time how I neglected and abused myself I am my own worst enemy. I will walk into the weekend with a new sense of control that I never had before. in my former life Friday was stock the liquor cabinet day and get ready to trash myself.
instead I have made plans and will be spending it in the great outdoors breathing the fresh air and reflecting on the last week and how I can make next week even better tomorrow marks the 9th day without booze and for me is a huge milestone because I have never went more than 9 straight days Ever! wow that sounds sick to me but thats ok that was then this is now.
I wish you all a peaceful weekend.
Today is day 8 in my journey to sobriety and I am learning to deal with all of lifes little issues that trigger my self destruction.
I feel powerful and more determined than ever to kick the living s**t out of my addiction. my eyes are bright my mind is clear I even shaved my legs lol its amazing to me when I was drunk all the time how I neglected and abused myself I am my own worst enemy. I will walk into the weekend with a new sense of control that I never had before. in my former life Friday was stock the liquor cabinet day and get ready to trash myself.
instead I have made plans and will be spending it in the great outdoors breathing the fresh air and reflecting on the last week and how I can make next week even better
tomorrow marks the 9th day without booze and for me is a huge milestone because I have never went more than 9 straight days Ever! wow that sounds sick to me but thats ok that was then this is now.I wish you all a peaceful weekend.
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