tikisgirl

So my alcoholic left us. What is wrong with us. The one's that truly love him. I know I am still his rock. I know he is soso close to a bottom and I know he hates himself right now. Why does he want to look for someone else. Is he looking for someone better. I know he loves me with the capabilities he has to love with. What can someone else offer him that we can't? He knows how much he is loved at home. Help. I am tearing myself up inside thinking I am not good enough for him.. crazy I know, but........

suki44883

Nothing is wrong with you. You just get in the way of his buzz. It has nothing to do with whether or not you are good enough for him. Chances are, he's not good enough for you; at least not at this point.

nodaybut2day

Hi there and to SR!

I know you've probably seen these before, but I'll repost them just in case. They're the 3 C's of addiction:
You didn't CAUSE it.
You can't CURE it.
You can't CONTROL it.

The last two are rather relevant to your post, because you seem to equate your worth as a person to the "solution" to your alcoholic's addiction. It's very hard for the partners of alcoholics to realize that priority #1 for them is the booze, not us. Also, your partner leaving you may not simply be a symptom of his alcoholism, but a symptom of his "qualities" (and I use the term very loosely) as a partner. He left to find himself a new enabler, someone who won't "control" him or make him look at himself...it has nothing to do with you.

Please have a look at the stickies at the top of the F&F board. There's some gooooood reading there.

In the meantime, welcome. Keep posting. SR is a good place to find support.

dollydo

Hi,

Glad you are reaching out for support.

There are no easy answers when one is dealing with an alcoholic. To be honest, you really don't know what he is thinking, if you are taking what he says and hanging you future on it, you will be very disappointed. Alcoholics very seldom tell the truth and are not in touch with their true feelings. They are self medicating themselves.

You cannot love someone sober, the alcoholic must want soberity more than anyone or anything in life.

Work on yourself, are you going to meetings? It sure won't hurt. Keep posting it will help.

Learn2Live

There is nothing wrong with you.

FarawayFromCars

There is nothing wrong with you. Sending you hugs; we're glad you are here.

theuncertainty

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. IMO, he's not looking for some one better, but he may looking for something you can't offer him: another way to justify his drinking - another way to justify hating himself, proof that he's not some one worth loving and therefore a reason to continue his downward spiral into the disease.

The active alcoholic's behavior is not about the ones who love them, but about themselves and their drinking.

Welcome to SR. There is so much information and support here.
Best wishes.

catlovermi

Addicts escape reality; this is what they do. When they can't cope, when they can't get what they want, when life isn't on their terms, they simply escape, whatever method they can.

It isn't about you. It's simply an addict, escaping.

CLMI