KeepingItReal

I recently ended a 3 1/2 year relationship. I hesitate to call my ex an alcoholic. All I know is that I've had a problem with her alcohol usage for a majority of the time we were together. She loves me very much...would have done anything for me, except quit drinking. I loved her...still do, and until the past year, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She has had many losses and health problems in the past couple of years,with some of these losses/difficulties being related in some form to alcohol.

While my family and closest friends are breathing a collective sigh of relief, I can't help but feel guilty. Did I try hard enough? What if I hadn't become so emotionally distant? I was so focused on avoiding her+alcohol that I found little to no enjoyment in life. Even when we spent time together and she was sober, I looked at her in disgust. I tried to not sit in judgment, but I failed miserably. There was no love in my detachment and I know I hurt her terribly.

It seems easier to acknowledge her pain than my own. I sometimes forget that it's ok for me to admit to feeling angry or hurt.

I'm here.

KIR

Bolina

You really couldn't stop her drinking. That was entirely her decision.

And we can share your anger and hurt. Of anywhere, this is a safe place to share that. Lok around - 75% of the posts are exactly that!

Welcome. I hope you find what you are looking for here.

dollydo

Living with a person who drinks to an excess, is difficult at best. I found that the "A" was detached from me at all times,as, the priorty was not the relationship, but, the next drink. Alcohol in itself creates indifference, it creates a divide, that is the nature of the disease.

Don't second guess yourself, it is up to the alcoholic to find and embrace recovery.

I do understand, you cannot remain emotionally attached to one who's first priorty is the drink.

Take care, it will be ok.

Pelican

Welcome to the Sober Recovery family!

Lots of support and information here for you! I recommend reading some of the sticky (permanent) posts at the top of this forum. Some of our stories are posted there and lots of wisdom from members that have walked the same path.

I assure you, as a recovering alcoholic, that your actions were not powerful to get or keep her sober. Sobriety and Recovery has to start with the individual. It is an inside job. It helps to have support along the way from other recovering addicts or professionals. You were setting yourself up for failure as her support system.

We are here to support you as you begin your recovery from loving an alcoholic. Have you attended any Alanon meetings?

Let us know how we can help you. Make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.

KeepingItReal

Thank you for the warm welcome. I think I like it here.

KIR