Some thoughts from today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Edmonton, Alberta.
Posts: 398
Some thoughts from today.
Hello everyone,
Today was my 6th wedding anniversary and I went shopping for a couple of presents, and out for dinner with my wife - really lovely day.
Am noticing both positives and challenges I hadn't counted on.
Felt able to look people in the eye and smile in shops. I even HAD AN ENJOYABLE CONVERSATION with someone.
Realised that my whole physical bearing has become habitually apologetic and inward. In fact, there are a range of physical traits that I've developed to hide my drinking from people:
I breathe sideways and avoid talking to people head on.
I generally keep my distance from people, hold my breath and go stiff in a hug to make it end.
Generally, I'll keep my eyes to the floor and hunch to avoid attracting any attention to myself in public.
I don't hold others' gaze.
More generally:
I cultivate a general eccentricity to excuse any erratic behaviour.
I delegate work wherever I can. Not because I'm lazy, but because the less I'm around, the less chance there is of me screwing up.
I delegate work, also because I'm lazy.
I seek out projects that will not challenge me.
I find ways to blame my shortcomings / mistakes on others.
I am manipulative.
And have spent months sitting with a bottle cursing everyone around me for being such b*****ds!
All of this can change with a shift in mental attitude, and that was the original point of what has become a rather confessional post!
Am starting to think of sobriety like my guitar: without doing the scales every day, you'll never play like xxxxxxxxxx (insert favourite guitarist). Stevie Ray Vaughan.
Thanks everyone.
Max
Today was my 6th wedding anniversary and I went shopping for a couple of presents, and out for dinner with my wife - really lovely day.
Am noticing both positives and challenges I hadn't counted on.
Felt able to look people in the eye and smile in shops. I even HAD AN ENJOYABLE CONVERSATION with someone.
Realised that my whole physical bearing has become habitually apologetic and inward. In fact, there are a range of physical traits that I've developed to hide my drinking from people:
I breathe sideways and avoid talking to people head on.
I generally keep my distance from people, hold my breath and go stiff in a hug to make it end.
Generally, I'll keep my eyes to the floor and hunch to avoid attracting any attention to myself in public.
I don't hold others' gaze.
More generally:
I cultivate a general eccentricity to excuse any erratic behaviour.
I delegate work wherever I can. Not because I'm lazy, but because the less I'm around, the less chance there is of me screwing up.
I delegate work, also because I'm lazy.
I seek out projects that will not challenge me.
I find ways to blame my shortcomings / mistakes on others.
I am manipulative.
And have spent months sitting with a bottle cursing everyone around me for being such b*****ds!
All of this can change with a shift in mental attitude, and that was the original point of what has become a rather confessional post!
Am starting to think of sobriety like my guitar: without doing the scales every day, you'll never play like xxxxxxxxxx (insert favourite guitarist). Stevie Ray Vaughan.
Thanks everyone.
Max
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Wow, very interesting post, Sobermax and very insightful.
You are already getting a good perspective on your recovering self!
I also found things about myself that were both positive and negative, when I stopped drinking and looking inward. It surprised me so much that things that I had believed about myself for my whole life, were not true - both positive and negative things.
You are already getting a good perspective on your recovering self!
I also found things about myself that were both positive and negative, when I stopped drinking and looking inward. It surprised me so much that things that I had believed about myself for my whole life, were not true - both positive and negative things.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 66
sobermax, I think it's great that you can recognize changes in yourself. It's healthy and shows you are really taking this seriously. I've introspected (too much, really) and found lots of things (just like you) that my drinking made me do, changes to my life that are only there because I'm a drunk.
I think the biggest mistake someone can make is to stop drinking but don't change their life along with it. It's like someone dying; you are wrapped around them in a certain way and when they are gone, you don't know what to do. It takes time to reshape your life that used to be around them. It's the same with any addiction, if you don't change your life around it, the only thing that fits that hole is the addiction. So it's just constant pressure to fill it up again.
When we can step out of our rut and look around it's amazing. Keep looking for the changes, sobermax. I know it helps me to do so.
I think the biggest mistake someone can make is to stop drinking but don't change their life along with it. It's like someone dying; you are wrapped around them in a certain way and when they are gone, you don't know what to do. It takes time to reshape your life that used to be around them. It's the same with any addiction, if you don't change your life around it, the only thing that fits that hole is the addiction. So it's just constant pressure to fill it up again.
When we can step out of our rut and look around it's amazing. Keep looking for the changes, sobermax. I know it helps me to do so.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Thanks for a great post, sobermax. 
You've brought up some things I hadn't thought of, but are true for me.
It feels good to want to be a better person again, and also to begin to forgive and love myself. I may not be able to change my reflexive behavior right away, but understanding it is a leap beyond just ignoring it altogether.
You've brought up some things I hadn't thought of, but are true for me. It feels good to want to be a better person again, and also to begin to forgive and love myself. I may not be able to change my reflexive behavior right away, but understanding it is a leap beyond just ignoring it altogether.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: British But live in CA, USA
Posts: 30
Really Great Post!
Now i am sober i see how different i am, from the way i talk to my husband, to the way i talk to the other moms in the street! I also used to talk sideways (amazing how i can now smell booze a mile off! lol), not give hugs to my husband and try and talk not with a slur to my parents while on the phone.
What a breath of fresh air sobriety is!!
Again, great post!
Now i am sober i see how different i am, from the way i talk to my husband, to the way i talk to the other moms in the street! I also used to talk sideways (amazing how i can now smell booze a mile off! lol), not give hugs to my husband and try and talk not with a slur to my parents while on the phone.
What a breath of fresh air sobriety is!!
Again, great post!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 1,130
Great post
Thanks for that. Can relate to a lot of what you're saying there. One other avoidance tactic for me. I live a tall apartment block and when someone else got in the elevator, I used to try to jump out of it as soon as possible so that they wouldn't have to share a ride with a stinking drinker! Won't do that this morning. Happy to smile and chat to my neighbours.
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