I'm new here - Hi
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 66
I'm new here - Hi
Hello all. My first post, and my first public admission that I am an alcoholic.
Alcohol has been my only addiction. I started with beer, but quickly was drawn to Scotch. I’ve drank for almost 20 years, but to excess for about the last 10. I’ve wanted to quit for about the last 5 years. I used alcohol as an escape hatch from life. At the peak of my drinking, around 4 years ago, I was suicidal. I finally hit bottom last year and on June 1st I quit drinking for 4 months. I can’t say I was very happy being sober, (I don’t think I knew what to do with it) but quitting drinking was fairly easy for me. I resumed drinking after an exceptionally happy day, and I figured two beers would cap the day off. That was 9 months ago, and I have not quit drinking since.
I tried to quit again on June 1st this year, and made it 9 days this time. It was like watching someone else buy the alcohol, and I felt bad about breaking my goal. I’m starting again today with sobriety, and now with the added incentive of finally admitting it.
I realized today that most of my stressful life situations have resolved themselves, and I no longer need an escape hatch. I’m drinking out of boredom and habit, not necessity. I spend so much time planning and orchestrating my drinking around my life. I’m tired of it. I just need a little push to remind me that I don’t need to drink today. Posting here will help.
I also think last year when I was sober it just took me by surprise. I really didn’t have any trouble staying sober after a few weeks, but I didn’t realize how easy I would relapse. It was my first time quitting, after all. I see now that I probably can’t have a few beers, or at least not until a few years go by. But now I’m scared that if I have a few I’ll fall back into that pit, so now once I get sober that may be it for drinking. I’m not scared by that like I used to be. Last year I was terrified to give up drinking! It was my safety net. However, I’ve explored all that drinking can offer me, and really it’s just not fun anymore.
Sorry to ramble so much, and thanks for any support. The next few weeks will be hard, but one day at a time. Peace.
Alcohol has been my only addiction. I started with beer, but quickly was drawn to Scotch. I’ve drank for almost 20 years, but to excess for about the last 10. I’ve wanted to quit for about the last 5 years. I used alcohol as an escape hatch from life. At the peak of my drinking, around 4 years ago, I was suicidal. I finally hit bottom last year and on June 1st I quit drinking for 4 months. I can’t say I was very happy being sober, (I don’t think I knew what to do with it) but quitting drinking was fairly easy for me. I resumed drinking after an exceptionally happy day, and I figured two beers would cap the day off. That was 9 months ago, and I have not quit drinking since.
I tried to quit again on June 1st this year, and made it 9 days this time. It was like watching someone else buy the alcohol, and I felt bad about breaking my goal. I’m starting again today with sobriety, and now with the added incentive of finally admitting it.
I realized today that most of my stressful life situations have resolved themselves, and I no longer need an escape hatch. I’m drinking out of boredom and habit, not necessity. I spend so much time planning and orchestrating my drinking around my life. I’m tired of it. I just need a little push to remind me that I don’t need to drink today. Posting here will help.
I also think last year when I was sober it just took me by surprise. I really didn’t have any trouble staying sober after a few weeks, but I didn’t realize how easy I would relapse. It was my first time quitting, after all. I see now that I probably can’t have a few beers, or at least not until a few years go by. But now I’m scared that if I have a few I’ll fall back into that pit, so now once I get sober that may be it for drinking. I’m not scared by that like I used to be. Last year I was terrified to give up drinking! It was my safety net. However, I’ve explored all that drinking can offer me, and really it’s just not fun anymore.
Sorry to ramble so much, and thanks for any support. The next few weeks will be hard, but one day at a time. Peace.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 401
Hi! It sounds like you're kind of bored with the alcoholic lifestyle. If nothing else staying sober lets you see the world again from a different perspective and appreciate and notice things you never might not have while drinking.
I definitely can relate to your statement of "orchestrating my life around drinking." It's a lot less stressful and energy/time-consuming when you don't have to worry about that.
Welcome & stay strong!!
I definitely can relate to your statement of "orchestrating my life around drinking." It's a lot less stressful and energy/time-consuming when you don't have to worry about that.
Welcome & stay strong!!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Cheshire, N.W England
Posts: 6,803
Welcome to S.R. You will get loads of support and empathy here. I had a relapse on Friday, after nearly 1 month and am so gutted. You can do this! I went to my first A.A meeting today and you know what? It was good and has given me much hope. I didn't say anything, just stayed at the back and cried, but I could relate so much to what the other members were saying. Made me feel not quite so alone!
Toro Solo
Join Date: May 2010
Location: san francisco
Posts: 103
Hi KC,
Welcome. I already know we have much in common. "t was like watching someone else buy the alcohol" that is so how it has been for me when I've started again. Unbelievable how we can simply shut out any thoughts that might dissuade us from our objective once we decide we want a drink...
I also don't have a terrible time stopping, until of course I want to drink again.
We do differ in that I've been on this roller coaster for 30 years... I've gone years without a drink only to find myself one day drinking again without much recollection of how it happened..
I hate the cliches but the whole "one day at at time" is necessry for me so if you need to beleive that in a few years you can have a couple beers so be it just keep it to a few years from now or at least not today..
My doctor gave me hard time about my smoking and told me to quit and that I could start again when I'm 80 (he said that's what he's going to do) well haven't quit the smoking but when it comes to drinking I like the idea of leaving myself the option that at some time I can drink again... maybe tomorrow or maybe when I'm 80.. just not today.
nn
Welcome. I already know we have much in common. "t was like watching someone else buy the alcohol" that is so how it has been for me when I've started again. Unbelievable how we can simply shut out any thoughts that might dissuade us from our objective once we decide we want a drink...
I also don't have a terrible time stopping, until of course I want to drink again.
We do differ in that I've been on this roller coaster for 30 years... I've gone years without a drink only to find myself one day drinking again without much recollection of how it happened..
I hate the cliches but the whole "one day at at time" is necessry for me so if you need to beleive that in a few years you can have a couple beers so be it just keep it to a few years from now or at least not today..
My doctor gave me hard time about my smoking and told me to quit and that I could start again when I'm 80 (he said that's what he's going to do) well haven't quit the smoking but when it comes to drinking I like the idea of leaving myself the option that at some time I can drink again... maybe tomorrow or maybe when I'm 80.. just not today.
nn
Persevere, Never give up!
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Stellenbosch, South Africa
Posts: 882
Hi and welcome to SR, i am proud of you for taking your first step to admitting you have a problem, that is a good start, well done on your 9 days, it just makes the next time so much easier. Perhaps you need to find something else to occupy your mind. Keep posting.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Hi and Welcome,
I'm glad you found us!
I know that drinking again is not an option for me. It's actually a relief for me to know that because I no longer need to spend energy on that aspect of life.
I hope you keep reading and posting because there is much support here.
I'm glad you found us!
I know that drinking again is not an option for me. It's actually a relief for me to know that because I no longer need to spend energy on that aspect of life.
I hope you keep reading and posting because there is much support here.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Sydney
Posts: 168
Hello, welcome to SR!
I'm only on day 5 but what's been helping me is the realization that i'm a drug addict, my body is addicted to the ethanol in booze. If I pick up a drink soon my body will crave more and more. Reading the forums here and going to an AA meeting have helped me enormously the past few days. Keep posting!
I'm only on day 5 but what's been helping me is the realization that i'm a drug addict, my body is addicted to the ethanol in booze. If I pick up a drink soon my body will crave more and more. Reading the forums here and going to an AA meeting have helped me enormously the past few days. Keep posting!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 66
Thanks for the kind words. I feel physically terrible as I come off another binge, but I'm an old pro at this, and know by Friday I will be feeling fine, but that's going to be when the old habits show up as well, and that's when I'll be visiting the SR board the most. If I can make it for 2 weeks I think I'll be ok. I did it last year, I can do it again. Still scared though.
I'll try and help others in the meantime. I certainly have lots of experience with Alcohol.
I'll try and help others in the meantime. I certainly have lots of experience with Alcohol.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome KingsCross! I was really scared, too, when I first came to SR. After a couple weeks, I started to gain confidence, but there's a bit of that fear still lingering in the background. I think a little fear isn't a bad thing.
- That's exactly how I feel. I know what it is to be obsessed with the last/current/next drink, and I also know that I don't want to end up in the hospital in order to stop the madness. At some point we'll have to stop (or die), so for me, it's a pretty simple deal.
Glad you're here! Hang in there ODAAT!
I’ve explored all that drinking can offer me
Glad you're here! Hang in there ODAAT!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Welcome to SR; KC !!
Thanks for your post.
I can relate to soooo ... much of your experience.
It's great you recognize just how easy it is for us to trick ourselves into thinking "this time it will be different " ...after some sober months (or in my case , years) have gone by.
Reading and posting here at SR has made a real difference in my recovery the last couple of months.
Again , .......WELCOME !
.
Thanks for your post.
I can relate to soooo ... much of your experience.
It's great you recognize just how easy it is for us to trick ourselves into thinking "this time it will be different " ...after some sober months (or in my case , years) have gone by.
Reading and posting here at SR has made a real difference in my recovery the last couple of months.
Again , .......WELCOME !
.
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