Omega060610

Like many others, I am dealing with a lot of anger and irritability during my withdrawal. But I also read posts from people at e.g. 90 days who still experience these emotions. Currently, I can go from calm to anger in a very short span of time. I really don’t like this about myself. In my previous attempts at sobriety they filled me with shame and disgust. They actually made sobriety more difficult. This time, I fortunately have learnt to accept that this is who I currently am.

But this morning, watching Judge Judy no less, I suddenly saw how anger could be the mind’s refuge from other emotions (beyond the acute withdrawal stage). Could it be that it is easier for the mind to deal with anger than emotions such as shame, sorrow, regret, fear, etc.? With anger we can lash out. We can get all worked up and get the feeling that we are somehow dealing with the emotions. And we can of course also blame external factors…

With those other emotions, there is no real fighting back. It is all about acceptance and learning. And as we go from active addicts into a new sober life, I guess we have to deal with the shame of what we did, the sorrow of losing the image of who we were before we accepted we were addicts, the regrets of wasted years, and the fear of life without our DOC.

I don’t know. I am no expert. But it does ring true to me at some level.

If it is true, I wonder whether anger can hold back our recovery. Does it enable us to avoid dealing with the emotions that we probably have to?

I would love to hear about other people’s views on these things.

endlesspatience

I think your comments are very perceptive. Last night I had an arguement with my girlfriend and there was a lot of anger but I sense this was hiding other emotions for me.

Basically, I had been doing something wrong. I had been speaking to my ex girlfriend on the mobile phone and although I admitted this to the other girl, of course she was upset. When I fell asleep, my girlfriend checked my cell phone and found messages from my ex.

When she woke up to confront me about it in tears, I reacted with anger that she had checked my phone in the middle of the night. Every time my girlfriend criticised for me being a liar, I felt myself becoming more angry even though it was true. If I think about it, the other emotions are shame and guilt but I can't react to them. Anger seemed easier.

Now the aguement has finished and the girl has gone, the other emotions are coming back. I feel terrible.

However, at least I was sober last night when the trouble came. If I had been drunk, I think that my anger could have turned to madness, or even violence. And I am really, really don't want the problems to lead me back to the bottle today. In the past, I would have responded by getting drunk but that will make the problems much worse, I know.

I just have to work out the emotions now and accept the consequences. It's a bit too early to think about solutions.

sailorjohn

Yeah, I think anger is 'easier' than other emotions, especially those that cause us pain.

And anger, Imo, gives us the illusion of control. Not so true with those other painful emotions.