transformyself

We live across the street from a family we are very close with. My son and their only child, daughter, play together constantly. I really care for this couple, and the woman is a vet who has helped me recently when my cat attacked my 4 pound chihuahua. I faint at the site of blood, but she gets more calm.

They also have a huge dog that is dangerous. He gets out every now and then and attacks other dogs. When people come over, they hvae to put him in a special room. I don't understand keeping an animal like that and never will. He's a menace, but the woman treats him like a baby.

The daughter has no rules, they let her do what she wants, which is annoying but not my problem.

We live in a residential area, on teh corner of an intersection. My 8 year old that plays with her has had to be grounded from his bike for the last two weeks, at 2 day intervals, to convince him to a) ride on the right side of the road and b) stop at stop signs.

I've come out into the front yard and seen both children blowing through teh stop sign into the intersection where cars drive past at 35 mph. It was driving me crazy until i finally slapped some sense into my son but simply not allowed him to ride his bike, then going on rides with me to assure he is following the rules.

This morning, I went out side and my son was on the right side, where he's suppose to be, but their daughter was in the oncoming lane turning the blind corner (we have a huge hedge obstructing view of oncoming cars) and an oncoming car had to slam on its breaks come to a stop to prevent hitting her.

I talked to the father. He is frustrated because the mother won't take her bike away. He told me, "well daughter doesn't want to ride on the right side of the road because she has to keep looking over her shoulder for cars." When I told him my issue is this intersection, that she doesn't stop for stop signs or get out of the oncoming car lane, he rolled his eyes and said, "why are you always over reacting." The mother has also told me she used to ride her bike in the road when she was a kid.

Ultimatly, if they want to let their daughter play russion roulette wtih her life, that's not my business. But my kid plays with her and our rules are vastly different (ask before you leave the house, don't go far without checking in, follow rules of the road)

I want my child to learn how to be responsible, I want him to be comfortable but safe. I"m pissed as hell that they're accusing me of over-reactin (pushes my family of origin buttons) but also just need to keep communicating to my son what OUR rules are and how essential it si that he follow them.

Grrrrr...
guess i"m just venting after all.. thanks for letting me....

transformyself

Actually, what's bothering me most is being judgemental about a woman I truly respect for so many reasons. I hate feeling like she's not doing the right thing. My son seems to be finally getting it. I just hope her daughter doesn't get run over..

Kittyboo

I think that you did and said things out of a concerned and very caring neighbor, woman, and parent.

Often people can take things very personally, and though you were just trying to bring attention to a dangerous situation, it could have been interpreted as criticism of their parenting skills. I mean, that's probably a deeper psych analysis..lol...but it's just what popped into my head.
It may have taken a moment for them to get away from internalizing the advice you were trying to offer, and separate it and in turn apply it to instructing their daughter....which is hopefully what they will do!

You were just protecting their precious child...and that was the RIGHT thing to do!

Jadmack25

Road rules are there to make order out of what could be chaos, and to STOP folks running into and over each other. My blood didn't run cold, reading your post Trannie, it froze.

You are perfectly within your rights to make comments about this girl's lawless action on her bike, after all your son is with her, and has been influenced by her. Don't know how old this girl is now, but she will be probably be a tearaway when she is older, if she manages to avoid being splattered all over the road, that is.

Dad is frustrated because mum won't take the bike off the kid? What about dad taking the bike away, and reading both mum and kid the riot act?

Sounds like you are going to have quite a time if your son and this girl are pals, as you try and enforce standards of behavior on him, while she gets away with anything.

Sorry you have this stress, as if you needed any more in your life.

God bless

transformyself

Thank you Ladies. Here's what's happened.

To clarify-I really love this woman, the parent of the little She-Ra Princess Smarty Pants Queen of The World. I love her, I love her husband, I love the little girl. She's smarty, funny, very VERY creative and a they are more permissive than I am.

What's really bothering me is how judgmental I"m being. It's hard cause I'm friends with this family. Not hard because we have to interact, but hard because I do love and respect them in so many ways. I choose to spend time with them. I learn a lot from them and in some ways they're better parents than I am. We learn from each other.

My friend brought this up. She oh so sweetly announced that they would be enforcing the rules of the road. We talked about it and came up with mutual rules for the kids, to be enforced by all of us, all the parents.

I feel so great about it. I think a huge part of my stress was being afraid to talk to folks about all of it. But she put me at ease.

We talked to the kids. Told them the stop sign is like a gate coming down in front of them. Every time. They listened.

I also realized i didn't want to yell at their daughter, which is what I am inclined to do to my son. I sort of went off when I saw him blow through that stop sign, and was freaked to see her and that car face off.

I told her mom about that and she was also concerned, but showed it less outwardly than I do. She's cool like a cucumber. That's one of the things I lke about her.

I"m rambling. does this make sense to anyone? I think I'm damaged by dealing with alcoholic parents and husband for so long. It will be a struggle for me to have normal relationships, with open communication.

catlovermi

I really enjoyed this post - to see the coming together of two vastly different styles, and how you blended them and made the combination work.

We often judge ourselves, comparing ourselves to others, wishing we were more like them, thinking then we would be more worthy.

But what I see here is - to put it into a midwestern flavor since you are from the midwest - a pot of stew. You see, you need the potatoes - the folks who are even keeled and steadfast and don't show too much outwardly (I'm a potato). But you also must have the onions - the folks who add zest, and flavor, and zing (you remind me of an onion, as does anvilhead). Stew just would be useless without either, but by combining all different things - potatoes, onions, carrots, meat, etc. - the end product is whole, and satisfying.

And both your families will be richer from having been around the other.

Thanks for this post.

And BTW, even though I'm a potato, I adore spicy and ethnic foods. And most my best friends in life have been onions.

CLMI

transformyself

Anvil! We're onions! I knew it!!

Thanks catlover. A bunch. I like that I"m able to continue to put the focus on myself in situations outside of my alcoholic. It really is the trick to not burning dinner!

MaryGoRound

glad it worked out transform!

what a great ending, and I can relate to being damaged after dealing with that.
i'm just now not questioning people and whether or not its the truth when they say they are going to the "store" lol.

you did good.

catlovermi

Layers, ladies!! Layers! (Ever see Shrek?)

Can you IMAGINE stew, without onions?? I can't.

You're both awesome blossoms.

CLMI