NoHo

So, today I'm feeling a bit isolated. It's world cup time and I've already declined my first "want to grab a beer?" to go watch the games. So much of my social life has been connected to alcohol and bars. It seems meetings could be a good way to deal with the feeling of isolation, but for some reason I have a real prejudice against the idea of AA. It seems cultish to me. While I don't doubt the severity of my addiction, I am also not sure that I buy into the 12-step program. Socially, however, I could see it being a positive to relate to similarly situated people who had to move away from the bar scene in order to stay straight.

Absolutely no intention to offend anyone with this post, and I can't imagine I'm the only one to feel this way. Just looking for your thoughts.

Dee74

I've never been to AA, but with the difference of opinions between AA members here, I find it hard to accept it's a cult, NoHo

Personally I think AA (or whatever programme you prefer) sounds a great idea if you're feeling isolated. If you don't like it, don't go again.

Apart from that, I think it's normal to feel isolated in the early days...eventually I relaxed a little and naturally gravitated to those friends of mine who were sober, and away from the drinking buddies whose lives revolved around drinking or the pub.

Give yourself time to adjust - you're changing yr life
D

Anna

Hi,

I think that early recovery requires very big changes. It sure did for me.

I am not an AA person, but I was lucky enough to fall into an amazing volunteer position that brought into contact with some of the most wonderful people I'd ever met. Interestingly, when I removed a few of the toxic people in my life, a couple of new people appeared and became close friends and mentors.

Bamboozle

And it does take time. D sums it up perfectly as always.

Just give it a chance. I'd hang out with a bunch of recovering alcoholics.

ninja7

Before I quit drink, I thought drunk is very honest. After quit drink, I heard that sober is very honest in AA meeting. I really think it is true now. New honest relationship will come to you soon. Just be patient for a while.

sobermax

Hi Noho,

I'm newly sober, and it seems to me that loads of people get sober in different ways. Almost everyone who is successful though seems to have some sort of ongoing program and/or outside support, and they have to be prepared to make real changes in their lives and their thinking. I'm really struggling with this myself.

I went to AA briefly in 2004 and have tried and failed at various methods of controlling / abstaining since then. I'm back now and there is a big bit of me that says 'I really don't want to spend X nights every week in draughty church halls hearing the same s**t for the rest of my life'. But my whole adult life is proof that I can't do this on my own - simply not capable of it - and without a support system to constantly remind me of this, I'll drink, and If I drink It'll kill me.

Have you looked at the non-12 step bits of SR? There are plenty of alternatives to AA.

Severian

I mentioned in a thread yesterday that after having attended 70-ish AA meetings that it was not a good fit for me. Several members here challenged me to try to further explain why I thought/felt that way, so I have been thinking about it quite a lot today. Here is what I have come up with:

It's not AA or 12-stepping that I am not comfortable with, but rather some of the actual people that I have met who make it feel - as you said - cultish. I think they mean well, and AA probably saved their lives, but the "you're a slimy worm and if you don't start 12-stepping in the next 2 hours you'll choke to death in a pool of your own vomit by week's end and if you don't believe me you're in denial and if AA doesn't work for you it's because you screwed it up" attitude they project can be rather off-putting.

AA has saved millions of lives, and I am very happy for the folks it has helped, but some of them need to throttle back when presenting it to us noobies. The fire and brimstone evangelical approach draws the focus to the messenger, and the message gets lost.

I did meet a few folks at AA who were more laid back about how they presented me with information, and I very much appreciated their company and support. If I could find a group where they were the majority, I'd probably attend regularly.

Mark75

There are people in AA I have no desire to hang out with. There are some I have met in AA that I enjoy hanging out with... I have bicycled, fished, hunted and canoe camped with more than a couple AA's...

Sort of like anybody... Ya know? We are just like eveyone else... Some you'll want to spend time with, some you won't. And yea, you meet most of them in church basements... Instead of bars

You can do anything you want, except drink. And, no, you are not the only one who feels like you do... I did once.

topspin

NoHo,


I may not be the biggest advocate for certain aspects of AA, but I wouldn't discount it or judge it unless you have actually tried it (say; 10 or 15 meetings at least. ) No one makes you say a thing , if it's a small meeting , you can simply say , " I'll pass " Easy as can be really.


I'm a non theist, but have not one problem in the world with attending a Church Mass or a Pentacostal Tent Revival . For me, practicing acceptance means: accepting , when someone says something ; ....they really mean it. Nothing to get my feathers ruffled over, .....certainly nothing to shake up my strength, hope , or experience in Sobriety.


I just think, for me , to judge , before investigation, .....well, I did plenty of that when I was drinking .


Stay strong , my friend



.

intention

Maybe it would help you to question what it is you are actually frightened of about the "cult". It can help to get our fears out of our head and down on paper to see what they actually are - very often we can see when they are written down that they are not actually true (Fear - false evidence appearing real)

I can only tell you that AA is not a cult - you can walk in and walk out whenever you like. You don't have to believe in anything you don't want to , you can have different beliefs than other people in the room.

Most imporantly for you, you will have somewhere to go and people to be with during the rest of the World cup. Perhaps you will even meet others who want to watch the matches in groups without alcohol. Surely that has to be worth giving it a try or at least being honest with yourself about what the fear of going really is.
good luck

intention

Hi Severian,

If you ever do decide to go back, then I really would suggest trying out different meetings. You do get a whole range of people in AA - the one common bond we have is that we are alcoholics.

I have never experienced what you have. I work the 12 step program. It saved my life and as you can imagine, I am passionate about that. I love the way that I live now that I work these steps. I have a great deal of enthusiasm for it and I do tell people - it's actually Step 12 that I am working when I do tell people.

But there are plenty of people in AA who don't work the 12 steps. Although it didn't work for me, for them it works just to go to meetings and be around the fellowship. I have friends in AA like that - I give them just as a big hug as I do those who are working the 12 Steps.

intention

LOL, very good, Dee

Severian

I have been to meetings in at least 20 different locations. I have been to every meeting listed on the local AA website that is within reasonable driving distance from my house. My experience was not satisfying.

I am considering trying them all again, though. Its been several years and there may have been a significant turnover in people at some or all of the regular meetings.

Mark75

My experience with meetings usually parallels my progress and work in the program of AA... step work, in other words.... If I have had a breakthrough, or I have become blocked, I can't wait to get to meeting. If I have not been working my program, I am not looking forward as much to attending a meeting... until I get there, and I am reminded of this great program.

I don't think I would enjoy AA meetings too much if I weren't trying to work and live the program of AA... I'd never feel truly connected... Know what I mean?

Mark

Chops

Stay sober in AA to prove them wrong, its what I do. It's fun too........

intention

Hi Severian,

I said to you in the other thread that people only go into AA and do the work when they have no other option.

And when they have no other option, walking into AA is life saving - and surprisingly it can be very joyous and uplifting. Yes, the odd meeting or person at a meeting may not be desireable, but going to at least 20 locations, I would know for sure that you would have been around people that I know in AA - kind, loving, accepting, caring, understanding - but understanding enough to allow you to be what you want to or need to be in AA.

I would suggest to you that at the time, you had other options of sobriety (or drinking) still in your mind. And that's OK just as it is Ok now for you to be doing what you are doing to get sober.

AA will always be there. You may never need it but if you ever do, you will be welcomed and if it really is your last option, I know you will see it very differently.
Well done on another day sober.

sobermax

Yeah Mark, think I know what you mean.

Returning to AA, my initial thoughts were 'hey - this isn't how it was last time, AA has changed a lot'. Of course, it was me that has changed, the meetings are identical. I guess our perceptions of AA or any recovery program reflect our own state of mind. There are plenty of people I like there and plenty I wouldn't necessarily want to spend a weekend with, but that's just the world?

littlefish

At my Friday meeting, the room was buzzing with talk of the world cup and I think some people were going to get together to watch some of the games. I doubt they picked a bar as the venue; the only cult feeling I got at the meeting was football cult!

Tommyh

booze was so bad and my life was so crummy,I would have joined anything that would have kept me sober

Tommyh

I think it was great also!

lmao...

:-)