I gave him the "here's all the reasons it's not working" letter
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
I gave him the "here's all the reasons it's not working" letter
So, we have tried to talk - to no avail.
After our 3-year anniversary, he wrote me an email saying I don't love him and I just dredged up all the f**ked up things about him and am pissed off and won't ever forgive him. (we've been fighting now for...9 months?)
I wrote him a loonnnggg email outlining how I feel, what happened (in my perspective) why I feel the way I do, what I want in order to stay with him, and that I am considering giving up and being done with our marriage.
You know, for me to write that letter, I had to get to a place of letting go, because the risk felt so high (given that when I bring those kind of things up in person, he FREAKS out).
I have been viewing it as the "letter before the goodbye letter".
I was waiting for the **** to hit the fan, if you know what I mean.
Then, I get an voicemail from him sounding...cute/sad. Saying he misses me and he's sorry he is so bad for me and he just didn't know. That he loves me and wants it to be good, etc. etc.
My feeling upon hearing it?
Tired.
Maybe he's turning over a new leaf and is ready to face reality.
Maybe he feels I've "said my piece" and now we can play nice.
Maybe it's just more of the same denial.
I hate to say it, but I don't care that much today.
I feel overcooked.
Seriously? I say all that (about his drinking and hiding and sneaking and lying and awful communication) and he calls and mentions the details not one whit?
Oh, am I TIRED.
So, a part of me says I don't want to discourage him turning over a new leaf if he is willing.
A part of me is UBER-WARY that it is just more of the same.
A part of me is OVER IT.
Honestly? Today (I AM hormonal; I admit), I am mostly OVER IT!!
AHHHHHHHRRRRGGGGG!!!
So I have feelings running all about the room.
The great thing is I see them like little mini-mes at different ages. The tantruming 6-year-old that just wants to be grumpy and throw things and stomp and say, "NO!!" and the depressed 15-year-old that wants to hide in bed and cry and avoid the world...and meanwhile I am plugging on at work like normal.
Thank goodness I can make space for all those moody kids and still function.
And I am working on being in the NOW and just doing my day.
Hugs,
Peace
After our 3-year anniversary, he wrote me an email saying I don't love him and I just dredged up all the f**ked up things about him and am pissed off and won't ever forgive him. (we've been fighting now for...9 months?)
I wrote him a loonnnggg email outlining how I feel, what happened (in my perspective) why I feel the way I do, what I want in order to stay with him, and that I am considering giving up and being done with our marriage.
You know, for me to write that letter, I had to get to a place of letting go, because the risk felt so high (given that when I bring those kind of things up in person, he FREAKS out).
I have been viewing it as the "letter before the goodbye letter".
I was waiting for the **** to hit the fan, if you know what I mean.
Then, I get an voicemail from him sounding...cute/sad. Saying he misses me and he's sorry he is so bad for me and he just didn't know. That he loves me and wants it to be good, etc. etc.
My feeling upon hearing it?
Tired.
Maybe he's turning over a new leaf and is ready to face reality.
Maybe he feels I've "said my piece" and now we can play nice.
Maybe it's just more of the same denial.
I hate to say it, but I don't care that much today.
I feel overcooked.
Seriously? I say all that (about his drinking and hiding and sneaking and lying and awful communication) and he calls and mentions the details not one whit?
Oh, am I TIRED.
So, a part of me says I don't want to discourage him turning over a new leaf if he is willing.
A part of me is UBER-WARY that it is just more of the same.
A part of me is OVER IT.
Honestly? Today (I AM hormonal; I admit), I am mostly OVER IT!!
AHHHHHHHRRRRGGGGG!!!
So I have feelings running all about the room.
The great thing is I see them like little mini-mes at different ages. The tantruming 6-year-old that just wants to be grumpy and throw things and stomp and say, "NO!!" and the depressed 15-year-old that wants to hide in bed and cry and avoid the world...and meanwhile I am plugging on at work like normal.
Thank goodness I can make space for all those moody kids and still function.
And I am working on being in the NOW and just doing my day.
Hugs,
Peace
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Humble, tx
Posts: 82
Welcome back! You've been missed.
I know what you describe here. It's part of the dance.
Thing is, I'm not dancing with or for him anymore!
You've got to this point because the dance he does is hurting you. I'm so pleased for you ( and me too) and want to tell you, we will be here for you whenever you need us! The support of these friends herecat SR is amazing. I'm so grateful!
I know what you describe here. It's part of the dance.
Thing is, I'm not dancing with or for him anymore!
You've got to this point because the dance he does is hurting you. I'm so pleased for you ( and me too) and want to tell you, we will be here for you whenever you need us! The support of these friends herecat SR is amazing. I'm so grateful!
k
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
