Sammypoo456

Last couple days have been hard. I am trying to find myself and i came to realized that it doesn't happen over night. I don't know how to take advice or even criticizm. I never really could. It's great he is in rehab, and we really dont talk. We talk once a night for like 10 minutes, so i already feel like I have left him. My son is teething and lord is that a hard stage especially alone. I am broke and feel like i really have hitten my bottom. So everyone keeps askin how much more do you think you can take and i can't take anymore. I finally am standing my ground to him, and the only thing i need to work is besides myself is bein able to also stand up to him when were face to face. I let him know if he relapses again after rehab or does not stay he has no home. And he wasn't welcomed with us. This is actually really freaking hard. I have actually had a mother and father for an addict and now i fell in love with an addict. It feels like i can't get away from them. I think its amazing how i have gotten away and not gotten addicted to anything.

My one love now is my son. I don't want him to grow up in the same lifestyle i did and i don't want him to become an addict. I know there ain't much i can do to stop it, besides get him away from his father if he can't get his act straight. I want to get out of this hell i been in all my life. From getting hit, to getting talked down to, to all the lies, getting stole from. The close people in my life were addicts and for awhile i thought it was just me, but the thing is its not me. I'm not the problem they are. I have my own problems to fix and i thank SR for letting me know that. They need to figure themselves out and i'll figure me out. And if they can't all stay sober then they don't deserve me or my son.

This is actually one of the hardest things i have ever had to do and i pray that i can get through this. I know they say things get worse before they get better and yes they do keep getting worse but i know soon it will get better. And thats the only thing that keeps me going everyday. My son and hope!!

Freedom1990

They say it's darkest before the dawn, and that has been true for me over the years.

I can appreciate what it's like to have a baby teething, and being by yourself.

I raised two daughters by myself for the most part.

My second daughter was born my second year of recovery from alcoholism/addictions.

My mother had done another one of her 'disowning' stints after I had told my parents I was pregnant.

Thank God for my 12 step home group and the loving people in it because they were my family, and continue to be to this day.

There I was, now a single parent of two girls (my oldest was 10 when my youngest was born), and I was terrified. I had no idea how I was going to do it.

Although neither of my parents are addicts, my father is an untreated adult child of two alcoholics, and my mother is a severe codependent (she had two brothers who were addicts).

I had to learn a whole new way of living, and I definitely wanted to be a good parent.

Have you checked into Naranon or Alanon meetings in your area?

You need a way to heal, especially having had two addict parents. There are a lot of deep wounds there, hon.

We don't have to be defined by our past.

We have the choice to seek recovery for ourselves, and break the cycle.

I hope you continue to post, and know that you are among friends, okay? :ghug3

Chino

Sammy, did you ever read/see Alice in Wonderland? You were lead down the rabbit hole but you will come out because you want to. At the end, when the Queen shouts "off with her head" because Alice was too tall, Alice wasn't afraid and laughed at the cards. Then she woke up.

You've been dealt a hand of cards that you don't have to keep. Now that you're awake, you get to determine who you want to be and what you want to do.

If you keep working on yourself, I promise you're going to laugh again, too

NoelleO

I think there is A LOT you can do to help keep your son from being an addict himself. Make sure you keep open communication throughout his life. Teach him about drugs and what they do. Be open with him and allow him to be open with you. You know a lot about it already, I assume, with being around addicts for so much of your life. Break the cycle.

I don't know how you feel about it but one of the best ways, IMHO, to keep your son straight as he gets older is to become involved in a good church. My daughter and I have a wonderful church family and they help me and her so much.

Good luck. And keep being strong. You are doing the right thing with your ABF. Just follow through with your threats. :-)

coffeedrinker

Sammy,

You can't believe that you had addicts for parents, then you got involved with one. Believe it.
It happens more often than the other way.

The famous "Twins Study" in the 80's ended up with a finding that what we do, how we are, etc, are primarily hard-wired in us. Like 70% nature, 30% nurture. I know that can be, and is being, disputed, but what I'm saying is that a large part (my opinion) of addiction can be explained by genetics. That's not giving people a pass though!

For you, and for me, for some reason, it passed us by. So far. We are never immune. But my thought on this, is that - just as my oldest daughter has turned to alcohol to deal with life, my middle daughter seems to have chosen food, and I chose people. As someone else here said recently (was it you, Hammerhead?) -- different branches on the same tree.

Yes, this stuff is incredibly hard. But we're here to help you go through it.

I do have to take issue with you saying you feel like you've already left him, and that you hardly talk. Then you said you speak once a day, but only for 10 minutes or so. I guess I think that's a lot, considering the current situation. I'm not scolding you or telling you that you're wrong to do so, just an observation.

Keep posting, keep takin those baby steps, that's just the way it is.