Puccibird

What do you do when you are at work and your husband who has the day off goes to pick up your son at daycare with the car and he has had 4 beers?

nodaybut2day

Next time you're aware of your husband drinking and driving, report him to the police. Has he had any DUIs?

Puccibird

Yes he has had one a few years ago. You would think that with all the trouble he went through to get his named cleared that it would make him be super careful of not getting another DUI.

nodaybut2day

Puccibird...the only thing that matters to him is the booze. Nothing else. It's harsh and sad to hear, but the Booze comes first.

PaperDolls

Report him. Your son's safety comes first.
To your husband, alcohol comes first.

Puccibird

But I am afraid that if I report him, he will get raging mad at me. Even last night when he apologized and said that he would quit, I started to explain to him that it is okay if he wants to drink when alone but don't do it when looking after our son and right mid -sentence he yelled I SAID I AM GOING TO QUIT.

PaperDolls

He doesn't have to know it was you reporting him.

nodaybut2day

Puccibird...it sounds to me like there's more than just alcohol in your marriage...it sounds like there's some verbal/emotional abuse. I used to live in FEAR of my X, because he could outyell anyone, and do so with choice swear words, put downs, and of course, while breaking things in front of me. Even when he didn't get physical (he never touched me), I was petrified.

However, when I imagined him losing it at my little girl, it was enough to push me into Mama Bear mode. I couldnt--WOULDN'T, let him make my baby girl afraid. So I left him. It took some time, but I did it.

Have you considered getting some individual counselling for yourself?

nodaybut2day

Not to be hyper negative here, but what if you DON'T do anything, and just wait around for things to somehow change, while he keeps yelling promises at you, and god forbid he someday picks up your child while drunk and has a car accident? There are things in life that are preventable...that's one of them.

Freedom1990

Some suggestions...get your hands on a copy of the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. It's an excellent starter book for those of us who have/had loved ones in active alcoholism.

Start educating yourself on the disease of alcoholism. You say that having had one DUI, he should be more cautious about driving while under the influence. You're not dealing with a rational, logical person. You're dealing with an alcoholic.

Find local Alanon meetings and start attending for yourself. There you will find friends who have lived with active alcoholism in their lives. You will find support and caring.

Read the sticky posts at the top of this forum. You will find a wealth of information there.

HoopNinja

I also heard the verbal abuse in your post. He is very controlling and of course he is going to yell because he does not want to admit he needs treatment. If I had a dollar for every time stbxah said he was going to quit or lied and said he had quit (alcohol and/or drugs)-well I could probably pay my mortgage for a few months at least.

They do not tell the truth and as today noted--do you want to get a phone call saying your daughter was in a horrible accident. He drinks. He does not think. He drives. He drives with your child in the car. He does not care. Would you get in a car after you had 4 beers and drive around with your child?

Tell the daycare to call you if he arrives drunk and tell them not to allow him to take your son. If he puts up a stink they can call the police.

He is going to apologize--he wants to keep drinking so he needs you to be his codie again. He is going to get mad--he does not want to stop drinking. That would mean he would have to admit their is a problem and it sounds like he does not really think there is a problem.

DON'T let him drive with your child in the car when he has been drinking. If the day care will not call the police--you do it.

nodaybut2day

Legally, they may not be able to prevent him from taking the child, even if he is drunk, but they can A) call you or B) call the police. I think that talking with the daycare director about this is a good first step. Your first concern should be your little one. After that, you can worry about your boundaries with regards to your husband's drinking.

hello-kitty

What would you do if your child was killed in a drunk driving accident with your husband at the wheel?

e20561

I have a friend who lost her child to her drunk husband's driving. Don't let this happen to you! What's more important... keeping the peace with a man who only cares about himself and his feelings, or keeping your child around so that you can see your grandchildren?

suki44883

I really don't mean to sound like a witch, but I have a real problem when children are involved. Who cares if your husband gets angry??????? It is your responsibility to make sure your child is safe and if your husband gets mad about that, then screw him! No one ever thinks the worst will happen to them, but trust me, it can. So, how WOULD you feel if your child was killed in a drunk driving accident with your husband at the wheel?

wuzzled

I am a licensed child care provider in Kansas, and I don't know the regulations where you live, but here, unfortunately, we are not able to stop a parent from taking their child, regardless. However, we are ALSO required to report any suspected abuse, neglect or endangering of a child. This means, that if a parent arrives intoxicated to pick up their child, I ask them to please leave child here and find another means of getting the child home. If they refuse, and insist on taking child, I immediately call police with description of vehicle, tag #, and name and address of parent.


I would hope that if the childcare provider doesn't call police to report that a intoxicated parent just left with a child, you would be finding other childcare!