Serenebynow

I am angry about the lies. We are split up for good. I just want to continue my recovery. Why does it bug me so much when he lies? It's what he does. He's a liar. I feel compelled to tell his family and expose him. It's a matter of my job afterall. His family is used to his lies, they seem to not be affected at all. He lied to me last night, telling me he's to beat to go to work, so I had to go do the closing. No big deal. But the lying is. He had been on craigslist sending letters to try and attempt to hook up with nasty women. So, one of them may have replied, but maybe he was just hoping one would. Whaterver. Ok, I have no right to look in his sent folder. He seems to have forgotten, I taught him how to email, set up his acct for him. I know his password. I have got to stop doing this, I know. On one side it confirms my belief of what a scuz he is. On one part I want to scream. He even uses a fake name.
I tried to share this with some program friends and the last one said what does your sponsor say? I don't have a sponsor anymore. I need a sponsor. I need to recover and get past this.
I guess what my sponsor would have said is the reason I'm so offended by his consistent lies, is that I'm deceitful too because I read his emails.
I don't know. I'm so sad, angry, confused, and still hurting. Besides all of those feelings I'm really scared. What if I never find a roomate? What if I lse my job, and he gets to keep my job? What is going to happen to me?
So, this is my dumping this crap. I do have so much going on now and I want to get out of this limbo land. 22 days till he's out of this house! How long till he's outta my head?

stella27

it takes a while to get them out of your head. but I can't imagine how awful it is having him in your house. I am sorry.

One thing that helps is to create a life that is totally separate from him. Different friends, groups, clubs, activities, etc. It gets easier when you don't see him/run into him/hear about him.

Getting into his business will make you crazy (take it from me!); so as a means of self-preservation, don't do that anymore. Good luck to you.

JenT1968

so you two work and live together? yuck, that's some disentangling to do. and stressful to wait around for the separation.

I'm confused, do you job-share? or run a business together? why would you have to pick up his work if he is "too beat up?".

If this happens again, say "that's too bad, shame I can't cover for you" and go out/go to bed/leave him to sort his own mess out.

STOP electronically stalking him, it does you no good, it doesn't matter if he lies/seeks out other women/uses a false name, that is all his business and will all fall on his head when people stop propping him up by covering his *ss. every minute is another minute closer to freedom, go get some fresh air and some space away from him. dance if you can, and smile

Jenny1232

I'm so sorry serene... I am in a very similiar situation as you, and I know how deep it stings.

"Besides all of those feelings I'm really scared. What if I never find a roomate? What if I lse my job, and he gets to keep my job? What is going to happen to me?"

I kind of think being scared is good. It offers change, and change can offer excitement! You won't know until it happens, but good things could follow. As they say, one door closes, another one opens. I consider that to be extremely true.

What if you lose your job? - You could very well get a better one
Never find a roommate? - Never... say never!
What is going to happen to me? - I think you'll find happiness, in all honesty. Once you fully detach from him.. and the lies.. and you can see the light! It will be beautiful

mrphillipctrs1

Besides all of those feelings I'm really scared. What if I never find a roomate? What if I lse my job, and he gets to keep my job? What is going to happen to me?"

What if you find the perfect roomate?
What if you get a promotion?
What if he gets fired and you never see him again?


What if you have a great life and you meet someone new and fantastic and you live happily ever after?:ghug3

Serenebynow

Big hugs to you ladies! I called a male program friend and he offered me a job on the phone! We shall see. Work at home. Sounds pretty simple.

I put my music on loud, I danced around the living rooms, and I got really weird looks from my dogs.

We run a buisness together owned by his brother. The decision will be made at the end of this month as to who leaves it.

Here's more enmeshment. The b & sil bought this house for us, and we pay the mortgage to them. When I asked him to leave he called them and said he wants me gone. His bro said whoa, you just want to dump her even after she has done so many good things for you? He said yep, got no more love for her. What about she ( me) was the only one to take you to cancer treatments every day for 4 months and etc. Etc. He said that's in the past. Doesn't matter. Well surprise surprise, they said I get to stay, he has to go. So I am thinkng maybe the same will hold true at the end of the month. But maybe just maybe I'll tell them, I don't want it. Let him have it! I've got better things to work at. I dunno. I still want to expose him and the stuff he has done to his brother, but I know, that is petty and I know he'll still screw up, and they'll discover that he shouldn't be trusted with keys let alone the business.

Ok, I'm going there and I don't want to.

I do appreciate you all. You brought tears to my eyes with your responses.

I'm off to work. But I will keep coming back here too!

Serenebynow

Correction thank you ladies and gentleman!
Exactly, this is my problem. I lose my peace, and become negative Nellie, or anal Annie.
I need these reminders to turn it over. There are such things as good endings, right?
I do have a nice home, in a good location with tons of recreational activities. I will find a roomate or possibly make enough money to make the mortgage on my own.
I live near Houston, and it's been hot! I have so many tomatoes in my garden that I have to start giving them away, or do some canning!
There's abundance everywhere if I take the time to notice it! Logically, if the universe can supply so much abundance, why shouldn't I accept the gift with gratitude. Just for this moment I am serene.

Jenny1232

Thats awesome! His brother sounds like a great guy!!! I'm really happy, they didn't side with him and completely screw you over! Let us know how things turn out!!!

Unless you LOVE your job - taking on a new one could probably be a cool change! As long as financially, it's do-able!!!

FarawayFromCars

Hi Serene,

Gosh, I completely relate to your post. My AS tells the most fantastic lies--I mean, borderline delusions of grandeur--and my parents blindly believe her. It used to frustrate the crap outta me. I found myself seeking out ways to prove that she was a liar; I even considered at one point getting a private investigator! And then I had a "whooahhh" moment. What the hell was I doing to myself?! Talk about getting enmeshed in her issues.

I had to step back and accept that she is an active alcoholic, and active alcoholics lie. They lie a lot about many things. And some people will choose to believe them. And I can't change either thing!

It helped me to step back and realize that lying is a core component of the disease, and just like I can't stop her from drinking, I can't stop her from lying, and I can't stop my parents from believing the lies. All I can do is detach.

You are on the right track...baby steps. Some days are easier than others. Know that you are not alone and keep posting. Hugs.