Thanks, SR
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 14
Thanks, SR
I've wanted to stop drinking for well over a year now. My little wine indulgence has turned into something I feel I can no longer control. Every morning I wake up angry, frustrated & defeated at the fact I drank a bottle the night before when I swore I wouldn't drink that night.
I struggle through the morning, head aching, drinking water like a fish, eyes burning & itching determined that tonight will be the night I don't drink. Nodding off at my computer because I'm so tired from staying up way too late waiting for that blessed buzz so I can fall asleep without having to try. Then about 2 or 3 p.m. I start to feel a little better and by 5 p.m. I'm thinking about how good that first glass of wine is going to taste. But I tell myself that tonight, I'll only have one maaaaaaaaaaaaybe two glasses and that's it!
And so the cycle continues...
I've (mentally) beaten myself up, threatened myself, bribed myself, read about moderation management, AA, self-help, you name it. Then two days ago I stumbled across Sober Recovery during one of my usual Google searches on alcoholism. I've been glued to it ever since! Through the heartfelt sharing of the SR community, I saw myself past, present and what I fear could be my future if I don't stop drinking now.
Tonight is my first night sober in probably over two years. I'm doing okay because I'm tired from being up late drinking the past 3 nights but fear tomorrow night will be the true test. I will have gotten a good night's sleep and feel like I'm good to go!
I am determined to make a go of this though. I am tired of feeling sick & tired. I'm tired of dreading that trip to the liquor store because every employee there must know I’m an alcoholic. I'm tired of taking out two garbage cans on recycling day and being awakened by the clanging bottles when they're dumped into the truck. I'm tired of my daughter thinking it's normal to have a wine glass glued to your hand. I'm tired of planning my evening around my drinking and dreading when I have to go somewhere because I won't be able to drink until I get home. I'm tired of looking like I got hit by a truck every morning. In short, I am just plain tired.
So thank you (again) for offering me the strength, through your experiences, to help myself. And for reading this quite lengthy post or thread or whatever it's called!
It is my hope that one day I can help someone and pay it forward.
I struggle through the morning, head aching, drinking water like a fish, eyes burning & itching determined that tonight will be the night I don't drink. Nodding off at my computer because I'm so tired from staying up way too late waiting for that blessed buzz so I can fall asleep without having to try. Then about 2 or 3 p.m. I start to feel a little better and by 5 p.m. I'm thinking about how good that first glass of wine is going to taste. But I tell myself that tonight, I'll only have one maaaaaaaaaaaaybe two glasses and that's it!
And so the cycle continues...
I've (mentally) beaten myself up, threatened myself, bribed myself, read about moderation management, AA, self-help, you name it. Then two days ago I stumbled across Sober Recovery during one of my usual Google searches on alcoholism. I've been glued to it ever since! Through the heartfelt sharing of the SR community, I saw myself past, present and what I fear could be my future if I don't stop drinking now.
Tonight is my first night sober in probably over two years. I'm doing okay because I'm tired from being up late drinking the past 3 nights but fear tomorrow night will be the true test. I will have gotten a good night's sleep and feel like I'm good to go!
I am determined to make a go of this though. I am tired of feeling sick & tired. I'm tired of dreading that trip to the liquor store because every employee there must know I’m an alcoholic. I'm tired of taking out two garbage cans on recycling day and being awakened by the clanging bottles when they're dumped into the truck. I'm tired of my daughter thinking it's normal to have a wine glass glued to your hand. I'm tired of planning my evening around my drinking and dreading when I have to go somewhere because I won't be able to drink until I get home. I'm tired of looking like I got hit by a truck every morning. In short, I am just plain tired.
So thank you (again) for offering me the strength, through your experiences, to help myself. And for reading this quite lengthy post or thread or whatever it's called!
It is my hope that one day I can help someone and pay it forward.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 83
Welcome to SR friend, it's a great start on the road to sobriety!
I really enjoyed reading your post, it reminded me of the insanity and horrible pattern I used to live in and now am by the grace of god, 10 days away from, hang in there and keep posting, we need to hear about your progress!!!
Lithobid
I really enjoyed reading your post, it reminded me of the insanity and horrible pattern I used to live in and now am by the grace of god, 10 days away from, hang in there and keep posting, we need to hear about your progress!!!
Lithobid
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Looking , Thanks for sharing , .....and welcome to the family of SR !!
This place has been the best thing in the world for me the last two months.
Wonderful bunch, .....so supportive and helpful
I'll always remember what Least wrote to me the first day I was here;
"Congrats on deciding to stop drinking. Stopping now means eliminating that huge pile of risk from drinking. All the bad things that can happen WON'T happen if you stop now. Are you doing anything else for support in your sobriety ? There are many programs and methods out there for staying sober, this site included.
I wish you well. Sobriety rocks ! "
Grateful to be sober in Carolina
.
This place has been the best thing in the world for me the last two months.
Wonderful bunch, .....so supportive and helpful
I'll always remember what Least wrote to me the first day I was here;
"Congrats on deciding to stop drinking. Stopping now means eliminating that huge pile of risk from drinking. All the bad things that can happen WON'T happen if you stop now. Are you doing anything else for support in your sobriety ? There are many programs and methods out there for staying sober, this site included.
I wish you well. Sobriety rocks ! "
Grateful to be sober in Carolina
.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Edmonton, Alberta.
Posts: 398
Hey Looking,
Climb on board - SR is a godsend!
Someone spoke to me of 'the gift of desperation' as what brought them to recovery. Same for me and you too by the sound of it.
Congrats on making the decision to quit, looking forward to your posts.
Climb on board - SR is a godsend!
Someone spoke to me of 'the gift of desperation' as what brought them to recovery. Same for me and you too by the sound of it.
Congrats on making the decision to quit, looking forward to your posts.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Welcome to SR Lookingforme
and you've already helped someone - this took me right back
Thanks
D
and you've already helped someone - this took me right back
I am determined to make a go of this though. I am tired of feeling sick & tired. I'm tired of dreading that trip to the liquor store because every employee there must know I’m an alcoholic. I'm tired of taking out two garbage cans on recycling day and being awakened by the clanging bottles when they're dumped into the truck. I'm tired of my daughter thinking it's normal to have a wine glass glued to your hand. I'm tired of planning my evening around my drinking and dreading when I have to go somewhere because I won't be able to drink until I get home. I'm tired of looking like I got hit by a truck every morning. In short, I am just plain tired.
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Lookingforme I can relate to everything you said in your post, a lot of us here can.This first step can be the start of a truly amazing journey of a new sober life for you & your family/friends. You can do this... you truly can.
If you transfer all of the effort & energy that you have been putting into your drinking & hiding it (and dealing with all of the crap that goes with it) you will find that sobriety really isnt that hard after the first couple of weeks.
Stay close to SR & keep sharing, we are all with you on this one
Take Care,
NB
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Looking - I could have written your post, too. Every morning, after I finished off another bottle, I wondered WHY I did it AGAIN. The good feeling got less and less and the hangovers got more and more. I knew it was insane, but I just couldn't stop on my own. What a relief to make that first post here at SR!
Take it a day at a time, try to post and read alot. ( I just about burned up my laptop the first couple of days!) Glad you're here!!
Take it a day at a time, try to post and read alot. ( I just about burned up my laptop the first couple of days!) Glad you're here!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 14
Thanks to all for the warm welcome!
It is very much appreciated, as is the outpouring of support and encouragement.
Fortunately I wasn't a heavy enough drinker (yet) to warrant any physical withdrawal symptoms...mine will apparently be all mental. So my mindset is, "I learned the behavior to drink, I can unlearn it." As NewBeginning010 said, "If you transfer all of the effort & energy that you have been putting into your drinking & hiding it (and dealing with all of the crap that goes with it) you will find that sobriety really isnt that hard after the first couple of weeks."
So I continue my journey with you all beside me...thank you!!!
Fortunately I wasn't a heavy enough drinker (yet) to warrant any physical withdrawal symptoms...mine will apparently be all mental. So my mindset is, "I learned the behavior to drink, I can unlearn it." As NewBeginning010 said, "If you transfer all of the effort & energy that you have been putting into your drinking & hiding it (and dealing with all of the crap that goes with it) you will find that sobriety really isnt that hard after the first couple of weeks."
So I continue my journey with you all beside me...thank you!!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome Looking - you describe my drinking habits too. Only that was many years ago, and I just kept going. Be proud that you've made this decision to have a healthier life. You'll never have to go where many of us have gone. It was a terrible fight to dig my way out of hell, and if I'd followed my instincts many years ago, none of the chaos would've happened.
Keep posting & let us know how it's going. You've helped me, too, with your honest & heartfelt post.
Keep posting & let us know how it's going. You've helped me, too, with your honest & heartfelt post.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to the family! 
Congrats on deciding to live sober. It's really worth the effort and changes it takes. Goodbye to all the bad things drinking brings and hello to a better life.
Congrats on deciding to live sober. It's really worth the effort and changes it takes. Goodbye to all the bad things drinking brings and hello to a better life. Guest
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: uk
Posts: 464
Hi Looking...you described my drinkin habits also to a T, except weekends..which were full on overload...if it werent for this place,i think i would be in big Trouble...Breakin this painfull torment of a drinkin cycle/habit, is doable..as so many here have done so, only a few weeks in here...though happy as larry with the progress...
, wish you well.
, wish you well. Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Land down under
Posts: 433
Ditto - like others have said, you have pretty much described my drinking life. This site and the friends I have made have also made this journey a little less challenging.
All I have to add is that for me, it wasn't just about the drinking. It was about the soul searching too. Your name says it all "lookingforme". That's exactly how I feel. I want to get to know myself without alcohol as a crutch.
I think keeping busy is the key too. Too much thinking time allows the brain to start playing those tricks on us.
Welcome, and well done on making the steps to sobriety
All I have to add is that for me, it wasn't just about the drinking. It was about the soul searching too. Your name says it all "lookingforme". That's exactly how I feel. I want to get to know myself without alcohol as a crutch.
I think keeping busy is the key too. Too much thinking time allows the brain to start playing those tricks on us.
Welcome, and well done on making the steps to sobriety
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Originally Posted by artsoul 
Hi Looking - I could have written your post, too. Every morning, after I finished off another bottle, I wondered WHY I did it AGAIN. The good feeling got less and less and the hangovers got more and more. I knew it was insane, but I just couldn't stop on my own. What a relief to make that first post here at SR!
Take it a day at a time, try to post and read alot. ( I just about burned up my laptop the first couple of days!) Glad you're here!!
Take it a day at a time, try to post and read alot. ( I just about burned up my laptop the first couple of days!) Glad you're here!!
in 2009 I went 9 days without wine..(.because I was in the hospital, not by choice).
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: lincolnshire, england
Posts: 7
hi looking for.....................you took the words right out of my mouth (sorry meatloaf) uve done so well already. uve seen the problem and are dealing with it early...how fantastic is that!!! well done u. i got a lil further down the street b4 i admitted that there was a problem, as far as running out of alcohol is the house after opening that 1st bottle and going out to find it, and would happily keep male company to get my next drink (i am married). my drunk times spoil my sober times and its the sober ones i want and need, like you. keep up the good work 'looking for' but find another thing thats healthier so when u have a 'bad day' you have a safe crutch to hold u up to stop u reaching for your old crutch. take care of u
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