spinwc

So my XABF who told me two weeks ago "I need just a little bit of space" informed me last night, via text, that he "was not in love with me and its unfair to you to act like i am". Now, He has ended this relationship 4 times in the last 10 months but that was the first time i heard that. He also told me "you live your life, dont worry about me". I simply replied "i plan to". He did not reply back.

On one hand, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me. I feel like the anxiety i have had the last two weeks are gone, which is great. I know in my heart that I DO NOT need this man in my life and I will never have a life as long as I am playing his game.

On the other hand.....that hurts like hell. Maybe my pride is a little bruised, because really deep down, i should not be suprised by it. He treated me like crap for so long. I was demanding love and respect from someone who doesnt have either for himself.

I am hoping that the hurt turns to anger soon.

My friend gave me some advice this morning when i told her about it and it kind of has me a little worried:

"You said you feel like you have been punched in the stomach...well remember this feeling a few weeks from now when he is texting you again"

Wow. Really? How could you possibly say something like that to someone and expect to come back? Maybe he meant it. I guess my question is this how the addict plays the game? Is it time to hurt me now that the manipulation is no longer fun?

I have made a promise to myself today. No more replys to texts, no looking at Facebook or Myspace pages (or that of his friends either). But I want to have the strength IF he does text me again to put on the NO CONTACT hat.

I feel pretty strong today and i am hoping that continues. I am sure there will be days where i need a kick in the ass...I am hoping for better days ahead!

dollydo

No contact is the beginning of your journey, it is not the end!

Absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder with No Contact; it makes it grow wiser.

He just clarified the confusion of the last months. He did you a favor, take advantage of the gift he has given you, move forward with your life.

And yes, I agree, he will contact you, they always do! Be strong.

Learn2Live

Alcoholics and addicts can be very indecisive people. Often, they are indecisive with us because they are weighing their options, trying to determine whether or not they can do what THEY want to do and still get what they want from US. Every time you take him back, you make him think this is normal and good behavior. You teach people how to treat you. And you have taught this person that it is OK, normal, and even DESIRABLE for him to dump you over and over and over again. You have taught this person that whatEVER he likes or decides to do, you will be waiting with open arms for when HE decides to come back. So, how does it feel to be a human yo-yo?

Let me guess, you have sex with him each time he comes back, yes? Do you make him go get STD-tested each time he dumps you and then comes back? (It's free, you know, in almost EVERY city across the U.S.). If not, you should START. Doing this ONE thing for YOURSELF, for your own health and well-being, will help you to remember what you are dealing with. Demanding that he go get STD-tested the next time he tries to come back, will allow you to see just how much he really cares. And it will bide you enough time to come to your senses.

Honor yourself by beginning to stand up for YOU and start taking full responsibility for YOU. HE is not going to take care of you by NOT TEXTING, not calling, and not trying to draw you back into this sick relationship he wants to have. ONLY YOU can take care of you. Please start TODAY.