Torrenn

I recently realized my fiance is an alcoholic. The signs were all there, and people kept telling me so, but it took a long while to admit it to myself. He's lied over drinking and hidden it from me before, and I've had to confront him about it twice already. He recently lost a job from being hung over and loosing his temper. He promises he knows that it is a problem and that he's working on it. He said he'd go to AA meetings, but now a week later says he'd rather work on it himself. I just don't know if I can trust him at this point, or if this will always be a problem. Everything else about him is perfect for me - we've been together over a year, and my kids love him, and he's great with them. I just feel so lost and out of control.

sleepie

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time. I have a drinking problem but I am single. I understand that Al- Anon is for friends and family of alcoholics, to learn how to cope and deal with these kinds of situations. I know someone involved in it and she says it helps her cope. So maybe you can find some meetings to go to on your own- to get you through it, too.

smacked

Sounds like he wants to keep drinking.. question is, how long is that going to be ok with you?

Chops

Beat me to the punch:-)

When I said I was going to go to AA then decided to do it myself I wanted to keep drinking.

If he is an alcoholic it's a chronic disease and will always be a problem.

Starburst

Hi and welcome to SR, it is really tough this A, but when they tell u they are going to work it themselves, I wouldnt bank on it, yes he may do it a week or two, all looks well to you and he stops, all the old patterns come back. If he is bad he wont truely be able to stop on his own. Look at the stickies on top of the threads, read others views, i am sure u will find lots of support. I wouldnt rush into any marriage, until you are sure u can live with him as he is, u don't want to expose your kids to an unstable environment. Yes, he may recover, but as I found out 8 years later, he has relapsed and back to step 1. (((HUGS)))

ChristinaW

Hi Torrenn -

I myself am an alcoholic and have attempted to get sober many times for other people. Until I wanted to get sober for myself, was I able to actually get sober. I have also been given ultimatems (sp) before from past relationships and when i said I would stop drinking for that relationship, the sobriety would only last but so long and then i would just learn to hide it even better. In the end, when i finally was emotionally broke and had no where else to turn, was when i gave up and asked for help from AA. If he thinks he can do this himself, and can, more power to him, but for me, when i would do things "my way" it always led me back to drinking, so i had to find a new and different way, which was AA>

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

As others have said, he will need to decide to stop drinking for himself. If he doesn't use AA, he will still need to work on his recovery every single day.

I hope that you continue to seek support for yourself.

least

Welcome to SR! The question to ask yourself is how much of this (lying and hiding) are you willing to take? Is this the way you want to start a long term relationship? Take a look around our Friends and Families of Alcoholic forum. Lots of good info and advice there from people in your situation.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Kmber2010

Welcome to SR and definitely read through the posts/info on the Family/Friends Board.

It is so hard to believe what an alcoholic says as the alcoholic doesn't know what to believe.

Huggs for going through this but there is tons of support here and Al-Anon.

Just know that whatever he does.....it is not your fault and no you can not change him. Change comes from within.

All the best!!