jacksdaughter

My son tells me he doesn't go to meetings any longer because he finds them boring etc... and I asked if his girlfriend was still going and he tells me she doesn't want to. What are the chances they are still clean as I have my doubs about it??

Sammypoo456

I can only tell you from my personal experience.


i'm personally not an addict but my boyfriend is and currently went away to rehab. and before this he kept goin to meetings on and off and kept sayin he wanted help but would never actually go to rehab. When my boyfriend stopped goin to rehab he was usually off using again. He would lose interest in wantin to go and until he just hit his bottom recently he would say he wanted the help but his actions proved different.

Someone up here once told me she was an addict that she would tell her family and friends she wanted help just to get them close to her again and pull them right back in.

dollydo

If you are seeing signs, and are concerned, I would say slim and none.

I've learned to trust my gut, it is alot smarter than I am!

Christen

There are people who stay clean without meetings. I am married to an addict, & he doesn't like to go to meetings either. He says the higher power stuff makes him uncomfortable, & he doesn't like sharing personal stuff with a bunch of strangers. I can only speak from my experience. He can get clean without meetings (for example tomorrow will be 16wks. clean), but he can't STAY clean without working a program. Unfortunately, his thoughts eventually get ahold of him, & he starts to believe that he can "control it" & "just get high for a couple days".

Another thing I can tell you is, trust your gut. My husband is very high functioning. So it's hard for me to tell if he's using. I've learned that if I'm feeling paranoid, down in the dumps, & have a stomach ache/nausea- he's using. Learn to trust your gut. But remember, even if he is using, you can't control it anyways. You can work on detachment. You can set boundaries. But you can't control it.

Good luck.

outtolunch

Many people go to rehab and then relapse.

Many people attend meetings and relapse.

Many people attend meetings and make new drug connections.

Many people attend meetings and do not mature/evolve.

Many people swear meetings and working the Steps saved their lives.

Many people get and stay sober without 12 Steps. Some of them post on the SR forums.

All are one lousy decision away from relapse.

No telling about your son. His recovery is his business.

larrylive

Well...I can't say one way or the other. It's all or nothing with me. Nothing was working so I had to try it all. (that doesn't seem to read the way it sounds in my head) Anyway if the "kids" have elected not to use meetings, have you asked what they are doing?
I know I have not heard anyone say, "I was addicted, so I qiut" and everything got better. Alot of time and effort goes into becoming an addict, so I can only suppose alot of time and effort will be needed to become a non-addict.
Please feel free to direct them to this sight, as maybe they are uncomfortable discussing their problems, and perhaps they may find someone with whom they can relate.
I wish you well.
Larry

smacked

I don't go to meetings, and I've been clean for about 2 years. However, reframed a bit to say "my son and his girlfriend dropped their recovery supports and say they are still clean", well, dolly stole my "slim to none" answer already.

SelfDestruct

Meetings are boring, totally agree with that statement, and they are not for everyone. Some people go to 2 and 3 meetings a day and love it. If you're not into it, it's not going to do anything for you. I went to meetings and still got high later, now I don't go to meetings anymore and I'm doing just fine, because I made the decision that I wasn't going to mess up anymore.

litehorse

Nil to none - the boring thing is the key - when my son relapsed he told me sober life is boring - he is in jail right now - how boring is that?

jerect

My AH went to meetings while he was high. After a while he quit going to meetings because he said they were boring. My guess is he figured that he was wasting his time at the meetings when he could be out doing his thing.

My AH went back to meetings regularly after he was fired from his job because of what I suspect was substance abuse. I think he was clean for awhile but when he got another job and some new playmates and now his meetings were/are his last priority. Do I think he is clean now.. I have no way of knowing because I stopped caring a long time ago but my guess would be no, He certainly does not act like a recovering addict, his actions are all that of a addict in active addiction.

What does your son's actions tell you?

sailorjohn

I think you already know the answer to that question.

lightseeker

I don't know the last time that my gut feelings were wrong about something like that. The chances for staying sober with or without meetings aren't great no matter how you look at it. There are people that stay clean and sober with and without meetings so I don't know the answer.

I do know that you can never go wrong by working your own program and taking care of yourself. That is what helps me the most.

keepinon

I know what sober looks, acts , and sounds like. My guess is that u do too.