Today I realized........
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: rochester NH
Posts: 109
Today I realized........
I realized today for the first time since Feb (thats when he relapsed) that I actually feel a little bit at peace! My first waking thought today wasnt if dave was dead or alive, the first thing I didnt have to do today was call him to make sure he was ok........when my son woke me this morning my first thought was my son like it should of always been, we put cartoons on in bed and snuggled, now before the cartoons would go and and id be calling dave over and over until he answered his phone even if that took all day long! Ive realized that Im not obsessing over him and his problems, YES i think about him throughout the day but its not wondering if hes dead in a ditch or if a dealer shot him for not being paid. I dont like that he is in jail BUT he is alive and i can breathe!! I know when he gets to prison things could change a big cause prison is much different than jail but its still better then running the streets chasing that drug and dying!
I spoke to him last night, I set the boundary of either ONE 15 min phone call a week, or TWO 5 min calls a week, i have to prepay the calls cause i cant accept collect and one call is 18bucks! SO ive told him there will be 20.00 a week on the phone IF I have it. He said we can do one 15 min call every other week, doesnt want me to go more broke cause of him than I already did, so the week he doesnt call, we will write! He is going to cut hair for the jail on Mondays from 1 til 3 for the people getting ready to go to court and he will get paid 3.00 a week for that, he doesnt care about pay, its something he enjoys doing and its time that he can do something he likes. When he actually gets to a prison, that will take months but they all have barber school and he is going to do that, along with his GED, and relapse prevention. He told me he never meant for me to get caught up in his problems, i told him that wasnt his fault that i got so caught up, its mine and thats an issue i will be working on while he is away, told him i could of chose to look the other way and walk away. Told me he loves me very much and he was so happy im here in his corner through this. He also told me he never imagined that his bottom would be robbing a gas station......he still cant believe he did it, Clean dave would NEVER even think of that. Anyway he is doing well..........I am doing ok too........its still very hard but i am ok!!
OH,....another thing ive noticed is, i dont carry my phone around with me all day lile i did before, it was ALWAYS in my pocket just in case he called, now i know what day he is gonna call and on that day i just turn the volume up, still dont carry it around with me.....little things but its a start!!
Still have 2 other addicts in my life to deal with but im not co dependant with them for some reason, one is my father and i honestly dont care what he does, yes im sure it effects me but i dont go crazy about it, in fact i dont really even think about it, and my bf is an addict in recovery from pills, but even when he wasnt i wasnt crazy like with my brother, its weird, ANYWAY thank you everyone, i love my friends here!!
I spoke to him last night, I set the boundary of either ONE 15 min phone call a week, or TWO 5 min calls a week, i have to prepay the calls cause i cant accept collect and one call is 18bucks! SO ive told him there will be 20.00 a week on the phone IF I have it. He said we can do one 15 min call every other week, doesnt want me to go more broke cause of him than I already did, so the week he doesnt call, we will write! He is going to cut hair for the jail on Mondays from 1 til 3 for the people getting ready to go to court and he will get paid 3.00 a week for that, he doesnt care about pay, its something he enjoys doing and its time that he can do something he likes. When he actually gets to a prison, that will take months but they all have barber school and he is going to do that, along with his GED, and relapse prevention. He told me he never meant for me to get caught up in his problems, i told him that wasnt his fault that i got so caught up, its mine and thats an issue i will be working on while he is away, told him i could of chose to look the other way and walk away. Told me he loves me very much and he was so happy im here in his corner through this. He also told me he never imagined that his bottom would be robbing a gas station......he still cant believe he did it, Clean dave would NEVER even think of that. Anyway he is doing well..........I am doing ok too........its still very hard but i am ok!!
OH,....another thing ive noticed is, i dont carry my phone around with me all day lile i did before, it was ALWAYS in my pocket just in case he called, now i know what day he is gonna call and on that day i just turn the volume up, still dont carry it around with me.....little things but its a start!!
Still have 2 other addicts in my life to deal with but im not co dependant with them for some reason, one is my father and i honestly dont care what he does, yes im sure it effects me but i dont go crazy about it, in fact i dont really even think about it, and my bf is an addict in recovery from pills, but even when he wasnt i wasnt crazy like with my brother, its weird, ANYWAY thank you everyone, i love my friends here!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: West Palm Beach, Fl
Posts: 142
Nicole78,
Be careful of the "jailhouse remorse". My son is also in jail and it is the first time in years that he is thinking clearly and rationally. However, while in jail, they say a lot of things and make a lot of promises, that probably will not come to fruition when they get out. A lot of them also find God while in jail, but quickly forget Him when they are released.
Be careful of the "jailhouse remorse". My son is also in jail and it is the first time in years that he is thinking clearly and rationally. However, while in jail, they say a lot of things and make a lot of promises, that probably will not come to fruition when they get out. A lot of them also find God while in jail, but quickly forget Him when they are released.
Persevere, Never give up!
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Stellenbosch, South Africa
Posts: 882
An Encouragement Poem
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit."
~ Unknown
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit."
~ Unknown
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Now might be a good time to find support meetings for yourself as well. It will help you identify why you get so enmeshed in addiction and give you tools to live a happier, healthier life.
That good feeling you have today, of peace and freedom, can be something you have EVERY day. I wouldn't have believed it was possible, but indeed my life is beautiful today...no matter what the day hands me. I found this peace through working my program and 12 little steps that literally saved my life.
Hugs
That good feeling you have today, of peace and freedom, can be something you have EVERY day. I wouldn't have believed it was possible, but indeed my life is beautiful today...no matter what the day hands me. I found this peace through working my program and 12 little steps that literally saved my life.
Hugs
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