Jcash2319

Hello just looking for a little bit on insight from some people that are going through or have gone through the same thing that I am right now. First off I am a 26 year old male that is married to a 26 year old female who is a addict. We have 2 beautiful children a 6 year old daughter and a 7 month old son. We have been battling this for the past 2 to 3 years. Her drug of choice it pain pills but will basically use anything so I just say abuser of all substances. She has been to rehab 4 times now to inpatient including the Betty ford center and 2 out patient. She always seems too good for a while and then she relapses. About a year and a half ago that was when she was at her worst. I made her leave the house for my daughter’s safety and she went and stayed with her sister and then after she got tired of her she went to her mothers. She seemed to be going pretty good and her mom thought it would be ok for her to come home do to it being Christmas. Well the day after Christmas she got really trashed and climbed out the window. That night and the next time I saw her she was in the hospital. She had overdosed. I guess she was running around with this guy and this girl supposes to be her good friends. She was left on the side of the road to die and luckily some one saw her and called 911. I found out that during that binge she slept with that other guy. So at that point I wanted a divorce. But after talking with her parents and just taking some time to think about some things I just decided to be still. She went into treatment shortly after and was there for 2 months. I got the opportunity to go there for a week and learn allot more about addiction. I know about alonon and I try to go as often as I can. Well when she got back thing seemed to be going really smoothly. She seemed to be doing really well. Then she got comfortable and started thinking that she could control it and she had a couple small relapses. Then she decided that she was ok to drink beer every once and a while. Which she would push to the limits. Then she started doing good again and we found out that when she went in to go get her pap done that she was going to have to have some more of her uterus removed. This would be the second time. So we talked about it for quite some time and we decided to have another child cause we were afraid that if we didn’t then we would eventually not be able to have one do to condition. Which after my son was born that ended up being the case she had to have a hysterectomy. Anyways to jump to were we are today. It was about five days ago I noticed that she was just about to relapse and that is exactly what happened. She went to the doctor not are regular one and he prescribed her 60 Xanax. In a matter of 2 days she took about 30 of them. She drove while she was messed up with the kids. I came home from work one day last week and she was passed out in the bed I asked her where the kids were and she said that they were at the neighbors who happens to be a alcoholic. I went over there to get them and she said that she had had them for the past 5 or 6 hours. So I loaded up the kids and went to her moms house who has always stood by my side and has always agreed that I was doing what is right. She went with me to the Betty Ford center so she knows about addiction also. Well she went over there and picked her up we did not know that she had been taking the Xanax until then. Well she has been staying at her moms ever since. Yesterday I went over there and my wife gave me a note and in it said that my mom has been giving me my medicine. Which that means that her mom is still giving her Xanax but only one a day. When I found that out it felt like I have been stabbed in the back by her parents. The people that said that they would stand behind me in court if my wife continued to use and put our kids in jeopardy is now giving her medicine it just does not make since. So now I don’t have a clue on what to do. I didn’t mention that her day is a retired detective that knows all the judges so that means I probably wont stand a chance in court. I love my wife very much and I want my marriage to work. I don’t want my kids to end up in a split up family.

suki44883

As I said on your other thread...

You must protect your children. They have no choice in this matter and need at least one sane parent. Since you say you are an active member in alonon and know lots about addiction, you know that the only control you have is over yourself and how you deal with this issue. Please, protect your children.

praiseHim

Wow, I'm really sorry you are going through this. Your children are not safe around her. Can you call cps on her if she does these behaviors again or report her now for anything with them. I'd get ahold of a lawyer to see how you can protect your kids and yourself. I agree with the other people. You've waited it out with her and it is her choice to continue using and you need to do what is best for your kids and yourself. It doesn't look like she will be ready any time soon to give up using.

Christen

My heart goes out to you. I am also married to an addict. The little bit of advice I have for you is to focus on your kids. Keep them safe and happy. My husband was raised by addicts. And his parents and both brothers are still actively using. My husband is actually looked down upon for getting clean. So I encourage you to focus on your kids, and try to break the cycle.

I admire the love that you still have for her. I admire that you still want to make it work. People like you and me have been asked numerous times- "why the he** don't you just divorce him?" I'm not saying you should stay with her or leave her. Maybe a separation could give you some time to see how the situation works out. Whatever you choose, keep seeking support. Stay tough.

praiseHim

It is hard. I struggle so much with what to do. I want my family together, I love my dh, I want us to be healed, and I want us to be a functional family. We are seperated for many reasons right now and it is very difficult, but I know that a seperation is the right thing for us right now. I don't know what the future brings. It is very scary, but I know that with support and help, I will get through this either way. You will too. My kids have to come first and they are really struggling this time too. They are more and more affected and see what is going on and it isn't right. I have a lot of guilt over it.

dollydo

When children are living in a home with an addict, it cannot get any more dysfunctional.

These children deserve better.

Have you talked to her dad about what is reallky going on? Parents are tough nuts to crack, to me, many times they choose to keep their heads firmly planted in the sand. Why? Simply put, guilt. They also think that their love for their child will make the child give up drugs.

Doesn't work that way, the more they enable, the worse it will get.

The true victims in all this...the children.

I am sorry that you are having to deal with this mess.

Have you been to any meetings?

cece1960

Have you talked to her parents?
It can be dangerous to abruptly stop Xanax and other medications, so is it possible that mom is trying to allow her the medications as prescribed? Its really best to call the doctor and ask what the best thing to do is in this situation.

And, regardless of her fathers career, might he be open to discussion about what is in the kids best interest?

I say its worth a try. We loved ones often "awfulize" about everything that we assume will happen. Sometimes, what we imagine is not the case.

Try to stay in today, think about the kids, and let her try and dig herself out of the hole she is now in. They have only you...she seems to have everyone's attention at the moment.
I wish you the best, and your wife and family as well.
(((Hugs)))