here I go again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Oakville, Ontario
Posts: 13
here I go again
emotionally devastated
physically abusive (booze)
great site, great people, but regrettably I'm back because of a relapse and weeks binge
day 2 and still shaking very badly...comes and goes...anxiety is pretty bad too
think I'm going to grow gills!
I hope I make it!
physically abusive (booze)
great site, great people, but regrettably I'm back because of a relapse and weeks binge
day 2 and still shaking very badly...comes and goes...anxiety is pretty bad too
think I'm going to grow gills!
I hope I make it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Oakville, Ontario
Posts: 13
...thanks Sobermax...glad to read that you're doing better
Not sure why I binged so hard last week, last one was at Christmas when my relationship ended. Likely related, booze masks the pain for awhile. As a rule I drink very moderately. It's a lonely life and not being able to share so many wonderful things, seems a little pointless. Hopefully that will change one day.
All the best and keep in touch
got lost in Liverpool when I was 9
Not sure why I binged so hard last week, last one was at Christmas when my relationship ended. Likely related, booze masks the pain for awhile. As a rule I drink very moderately. It's a lonely life and not being able to share so many wonderful things, seems a little pointless. Hopefully that will change one day.
All the best and keep in touch
got lost in Liverpool when I was 9
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Edmonton, Alberta.
Posts: 398
Hey Virch,
I'm 36 and still get lost all the time!
Don't know about you, but I don't need a reason to drink, anything at all would set me off - wife said 'the wrong thing', sunny day, dog barking . . . no reason whatsoever, except that I'm an alcoholic.
Also, mostly I can manage to hold things down between binges. Less and less though, and I don't feel happy even when not drinking - absolutely obsessed with the stuff. Shall I / shan't I? Am I / aren't I? going round my head 24:7. I really want a bit of peace!
Have you thought about getting to an AA meeting? They can really help.
Take care Virch.
Max
I'm 36 and still get lost all the time!
Don't know about you, but I don't need a reason to drink, anything at all would set me off - wife said 'the wrong thing', sunny day, dog barking . . . no reason whatsoever, except that I'm an alcoholic.
Also, mostly I can manage to hold things down between binges. Less and less though, and I don't feel happy even when not drinking - absolutely obsessed with the stuff. Shall I / shan't I? Am I / aren't I? going round my head 24:7. I really want a bit of peace!
Have you thought about getting to an AA meeting? They can really help.
Take care Virch.
Max
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Oakville, Ontario
Posts: 13
I'm far to sentimental. One of my failings. I drink to forget, relax just have a break from the pain. My life has been relationship tumultuous Also to celebrate, socialize, work functions...
I have been to AA. several different ones. Not for me. All I took away were hours of people telling the same types of stories. Believe me I've done it all.
I've only binged a few times. When I get down. Escapism. I enjoy a glass of wine after the day at work. A beer after I cut the lawn. The binges however frighten me and must stop. I binged when my marriage ended last fall. In a 10 day period I drank 6 Liters of vodka, 75 beer, 4 bottles of wine. I should be dead. I went into rehab and this is chump change consumption compared to other people I met there. One guy drank 40 oz of Vodka every morning before work. Another had an $800.00 a day crack habit!!! I thought I was in bad shape.
Anyway, sorry to babble on. I've been on my own for the last 6 months, it's very lonely and quite frankly I'm scared to death to start another serious relationship. She was my third.
All I want is peace too.
I have been to AA. several different ones. Not for me. All I took away were hours of people telling the same types of stories. Believe me I've done it all.
I've only binged a few times. When I get down. Escapism. I enjoy a glass of wine after the day at work. A beer after I cut the lawn. The binges however frighten me and must stop. I binged when my marriage ended last fall. In a 10 day period I drank 6 Liters of vodka, 75 beer, 4 bottles of wine. I should be dead. I went into rehab and this is chump change consumption compared to other people I met there. One guy drank 40 oz of Vodka every morning before work. Another had an $800.00 a day crack habit!!! I thought I was in bad shape.
Anyway, sorry to babble on. I've been on my own for the last 6 months, it's very lonely and quite frankly I'm scared to death to start another serious relationship. She was my third.
All I want is peace too.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Edmonton, Alberta.
Posts: 398
Hey Virch,
so sorry to hear that you are lonely. This forum is brilliant for finding human contact though, even if it is virtual. Seriously, keep talking to people here, there are a lot of very fine folks about and a lot of good advice available.
My own boozing sounds similar to yours - rather than being an X pints of Y every day drinker, I'd go mad occasionally (usually at precisely the worst possible time) and do the craziest stuff, then live in paranoia and self-loathing for weeks. Bleugh.
I have no wisdom or advice to offer you, but am usually about (trying to get addicted to SR!) to chat or if you need to vent about ANYTHING.
There are also loads of really good non-12 step bits in the site, and plenty of people seem to have found recovery through a variety of means.
You're not on your own, mate.
Max
so sorry to hear that you are lonely. This forum is brilliant for finding human contact though, even if it is virtual. Seriously, keep talking to people here, there are a lot of very fine folks about and a lot of good advice available.
My own boozing sounds similar to yours - rather than being an X pints of Y every day drinker, I'd go mad occasionally (usually at precisely the worst possible time) and do the craziest stuff, then live in paranoia and self-loathing for weeks. Bleugh.
I have no wisdom or advice to offer you, but am usually about (trying to get addicted to SR!) to chat or if you need to vent about ANYTHING.
There are also loads of really good non-12 step bits in the site, and plenty of people seem to have found recovery through a variety of means.
You're not on your own, mate.
Max
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
I moved your thread here Virch.
I've done it all too...but does it really matter if our stories are better or worse than anyone elses?
I was primarily a beer drinker, I never crashed my car, never went to jail...but I still destroyed my life, decimated relationships...and damn nearly lost my life to my alcoholism.
I spent a lot of time comparing myself to others and finding ways in which my circumstances were special.
None of that did me any good whatsoever I'm afraid.
The bottom line is you have a problem V and you need to fix it.
You can find peace - and you'll find a ton of support here - but in the end it's all down to how much you're prepared to do in order to find it, Virch
D
I've done it all too...but does it really matter if our stories are better or worse than anyone elses?
I was primarily a beer drinker, I never crashed my car, never went to jail...but I still destroyed my life, decimated relationships...and damn nearly lost my life to my alcoholism.
I spent a lot of time comparing myself to others and finding ways in which my circumstances were special.
None of that did me any good whatsoever I'm afraid.
The bottom line is you have a problem V and you need to fix it.
You can find peace - and you'll find a ton of support here - but in the end it's all down to how much you're prepared to do in order to find it, Virch
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
Hey Virch,
Glad you're continuing to pick yourself up again. Life isn't easy - we do look for escapes. The challenge is in finding ways to deal with the stress without using alcohol as a crutch. Not always easy; but it is always worth it.
I did the on and off binge thing for years and years, with moderate drinking in between, switching types of alcohol to try and convince myself that I could handle drinking and its symptoms better with something different. In time, I discovered that being functional wasn't a type of alcoholic - it was a stage of alcoholism. It was only a matter of time before I was drinking nearly 24/7. Pretty nasty.
Sure, comparing my drinking to others' amounts was an insane way for me to convince myself that I wasn't that bad, "Wow, he or she is a real trainwreck...glad I'm not that far-gone." Please.
It was all insanity cleverly disguised to help me justify and defend why I didn't need to stop. But I did. And I knew it when I stopped, finally.
The best thing I did in early sobriety was to get to know myself (and more importantly, how to like myself) with no other distractions, including a relationship. I did this through a counselor who I credit with saving my life.
I was notorious for jumping in and out relationships...it was just another way for me to keep the focus off of myself and prevented me from looking at the truth.
There's no way to it, but through it. We're glad you're here. We get it.
Glad you're continuing to pick yourself up again. Life isn't easy - we do look for escapes. The challenge is in finding ways to deal with the stress without using alcohol as a crutch. Not always easy; but it is always worth it.
I did the on and off binge thing for years and years, with moderate drinking in between, switching types of alcohol to try and convince myself that I could handle drinking and its symptoms better with something different. In time, I discovered that being functional wasn't a type of alcoholic - it was a stage of alcoholism. It was only a matter of time before I was drinking nearly 24/7. Pretty nasty.
Sure, comparing my drinking to others' amounts was an insane way for me to convince myself that I wasn't that bad, "Wow, he or she is a real trainwreck...glad I'm not that far-gone." Please.
It was all insanity cleverly disguised to help me justify and defend why I didn't need to stop. But I did. And I knew it when I stopped, finally.
The best thing I did in early sobriety was to get to know myself (and more importantly, how to like myself) with no other distractions, including a relationship. I did this through a counselor who I credit with saving my life.
I was notorious for jumping in and out relationships...it was just another way for me to keep the focus off of myself and prevented me from looking at the truth.
There's no way to it, but through it. We're glad you're here. We get it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Oakville, Ontario
Posts: 13
hello friends
finally hit the wall...I have alcohol hepatitis...was hospitalized, again. convinced myself that I was a functioning alcoholic and I was, however I lapsed into a serious binge during a vacation, I'm alone and was feeling particularly depressed. My ex-wife ironically found me and took me in...I'm going into a 30 day in-patient program to find out why this is happening, must be some deep stuff that I need to bury with alcohol, I want my life back! I'm 11 days sober and feeling very depressed...off to see the GP today for mothers little helpers...I've had enough and I'm scared to death. From my heart I am with all of you, because I know.
finally hit the wall...I have alcohol hepatitis...was hospitalized, again. convinced myself that I was a functioning alcoholic and I was, however I lapsed into a serious binge during a vacation, I'm alone and was feeling particularly depressed. My ex-wife ironically found me and took me in...I'm going into a 30 day in-patient program to find out why this is happening, must be some deep stuff that I need to bury with alcohol, I want my life back! I'm 11 days sober and feeling very depressed...off to see the GP today for mothers little helpers...I've had enough and I'm scared to death. From my heart I am with all of you, because I know.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Virch - so sorry to hear of your illness, but glad that you're getting treatment. Have you ever been before? It can be a real turning point for you and a safe place to work on things. Just a suggestion: start a journal now and write down some of the stuff you've been through and are feeling. It will help to refresh your memory when you get in there.
I wish the very best for you and hope you'll keep posting and let us know how things are going.:ghug3 I know I didn't have much hope of getting sober again, but one day at a time I'm past 2 months and I know I need/want to keep this going. Hang in there!
I wish the very best for you and hope you'll keep posting and let us know how things are going.:ghug3 I know I didn't have much hope of getting sober again, but one day at a time I'm past 2 months and I know I need/want to keep this going. Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 649
Virch - best of luck to you and I can so relate to being scared, depressed, lonely, and well..... any of the above. I am struggling this disease on my own right now and this first day really sucks but I'm hanging in there. This forum is the only thing that's keeping me going!
My prayers are with you
My prayers are with you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Oakville, Ontario
Posts: 13
thank you so much for all the kind thoughts and comments...there are a lot of things i hope to get out of this program, not to sound deep, but I need to love myself, accept my situation and hoprfully come away with the tools to attack the cravings and host of other personal demons...could sure use a tall one right now...but 'Ï don't drink''
will let you guys know how it goes, really hope it isn't a group of people rehashing similiar stories, but have to give it a try
take good care
will let you guys know how it goes, really hope it isn't a group of people rehashing similiar stories, but have to give it a try
take good care
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