groovetrain31

I have been with this great guy for almost 6 years now and he has been using the whole time pretty much. The drug of choice may have changed a couple of times but for the most part he was an opiate addict. He has now been clean for 30 days and everything was great the first 2 weeks and then things just abruptly came crashing down on me. I am not a user and never have been so it isn't that I am testing his sobriety. This is what I want for him. I do not love the addict, I love the man I know that peaks out from time to time.

He moved out on me and said he didn't know if he wanted this anymore and my children and I were left holding the bag. Two days before this, we were talking about the future and how great it was going to be and he was telling me how much he loved me. We didn't talk for the most part for a week but he did come to my little girls softball championship game to show his support and then nothing for a week. He wouldn't return my emails and I decided to call him. We arranged to meet up and spend some time together and it was really good. He was still clean and seemed very level headed.

He explained to me that he needed to work on himself or he would die from his addiction and I understood that. He also said that this family and me is what he truly wanted and that I should have hope. He told me he loved me and that he wouldn't go without calling from now on because he realized it wasn't fair to those of us involved. I left feeling a sense of great things to come. He didn't sugar coat it, he didn't say exactly what I wanted to hear but it was a great conversation and it clarified things. He even asked me to read the NA big book so that I could understand. I have been trying to get one for the last two days but haven't found them at any stores.

Now I haven't heard from him in 3 days again and he won't return my emails. I have not tried to call again because I feel like he may need space but I am not sure what to think. Is it normal for them to push you away right now? Should I just allow him this space to find himself? Will he come back around when his head clears some?

I need some advice from someone that has been there.

dollydo

Will he come back? Who knows.

However, you need to give him some space,let him be, in recovery one has to be just as selfish as they were in active addiction. He knows where you are, if he wants to contact you he will.

This will be a long hard road for him, right now, he doesn't even know who he is, long term drug addiction will change a person, let him refind himself.

I hope he can make it, he is taking the right steps.

Starburst

Hi and welcome, Sorry you going through a hard time, I suppose this is all very hard on him, probably going through bad WD and doesnt want you to see him like that. Unfortunately nobody knows whats going on in his head. Remember even if he cleans up, there is always a chance of relapse. If things were good between you before, most likely when he has done his thing to get better, he will probably find you again. Right now you must focus on yourself and your girls, as you are not married to him, him probably feels no obligation. Maybe send him an email from time to time to let him know you are thinking of him, then at least you have left the lines of communication open. Thinking of you. (((HUGS))) keep reading and posting, there is lots of support here.

laurie6781

I cannot tell you what is going on with his head, but I sure as heck can tell you what was going on in mine, way back at 30 days sober many many years ago.


NOTHING!!!!!


My brain was MUSH. My thought processes were convoluted. I could comprehend nothing that I was reading.

It took me a good six months to even be able to again read a sentence and actually remember what the sentence said 30 seconds later.

Emotions were surfacing that I had no clue what they were.

For your own sanity, please step back, leave him be. Work on you instead. Take care of your children and YOUR life.

He has a long road to hoe now and a difficult one at that, to work on himself, learn the tools to obtain and maintain sobriety and just live life without 'needing' his crutch.

For your own benefit, go do some reading on the Alcoholism and Substance Abuse forums to see just some of the 'hell' folks go through when trying to find a way to live sober and clean.

Maybe now is a good time for you to take the 'focus' off of him and put it back on you and your children.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Christen

Dear Friend,

I'm sorry you're hurting. I am married to an addict. I have had a front row seat to him getting sober several times. One time he made it clean 8 months. Now he has been clean about 14 weeks.

As hard as it is, you've got to give him space. For my husband- the first 6-8 weeks he just can't think straight, can't concentrate. He says his brain feels like mush. His memory is practically non-existent. He is emotionally absent or an emotional mess. Talking to him during these times are like talking to a brick wall. And I have often felt like I was married to a complete stranger. What I'm getting at is- he probably doesn't know what to think right now... His brain is so used to being numb from the drugs that he just doesn't know what to think.

Take care of yourself. He has to figure this out for himself. I know this might not make sense but I'm going to say it anyways- Don't lose hope, but don't get your hopes up either. I wish you the best. And I really do hope he stays clean.