hopenpray

how does one go about picking a sponser? and asking them to be yours? what does a sponser do?
thanks!

candlelight

Dear Hopenpray,

I picked a sponsor before I even knew what it really meant! So good for you for asking about it first! Of course, I didn't call my sponsor much at first because I was just learning how to use the alanon phone list and found it very scary to call "all those people I don't know" and I was worried about "bothering them with my stupid problems."

Picking a sponsor, so I've been told, is about finding a person who you think you could trust to help you work the steps in your program. I chose an older lady who has been in the program five years. She's got grown kids and I just thought she could help me with my issues raising my own 10 and 16 year old children. I mean, someone without kids could also help me, but I just felt a connection with her (almost like the role my mother never was able to fulfill do due to her own addictions). So this lady is that supportive voice on the line when I'm losing my serenity. What a gift!!!!

So I call my sponsor and talk things out (stuff that maybe wouldn't be discussed at the group meeting in detail due to time constraints or whatever) or when I'm in a crisis (that's happened a couple of times), or when I'm feeling happy and grateful. I call her for any reason, and learn how to apply the steps to my life (I've been in alanon about 4 months). At first I just called to practice calling! (She was very supportive, and understood my fear and how years of isolation made it hard for me to trust and share). Never once judged me, or made me feel foolish in my struggles. I learned a big lesson in trust from this experience.

There's no contract! It is kinda intimate, and therefore I think a bit scary. But my codie issues make intimacy difficult for me, and now that I recognize that, I am taking steps to change my behavior. It has become MUCH LESS scary to call my sponsor. I am grateful to my HP for putting her in my life.

So good luck to you in your quest for a sponsor. It WILL help you recover, and that's why we're here in alanon. Pray about it, turn it over to your HP. Soon you will know who you'll want to ask. And then [courage] ask!


Love and hugs,
candlelight

JT

Hang around the meetings for a while and there will be someone who "has what you want" That is your sponsor.

My sponsor became my best friend...she was my "go to" person. She guided me through the steps, slapped me around and kept me on target.

Hugs,
JT

Daffodil

JT; I can't imagae ANYONE who would slap you........unless it was an Al-Anon sponsor who loved you so much she was willing to take you on in the first place.

My sponsor always preceeds everything she has to say to me that she knows will "HURT" with "You know, I love you dear or I wouldn't say this".......Then she tells me how she sees my behavior and "suggests" what step I really need more work on...

Being "HURT" when I first came into the program was the only feelings I could identify...So she really had her work cut out for her...

hopenpray; Just keep going to meetings and coming back here and before you know it someone will come along who has "what" you want..

Love and prayers from one who cares

JT

Daf...I was so broken when I arrived that I resembled Humpty Dumpty...thank God for my groups and my sponsor. We did get all the pieces together again!

Hugs,
JT