Day 11
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: St Petersburg, FL
Posts: 43
Day 11
Wow - I can't believe I am here at the start of a new week with 11 days. I am so grateful.
Every day I feel a little better. And the things that I feared so badly a week ago are still there but they are just a little bit more manageable. I don't ever want to forget all of the chaos and insanity I created by my drinking. I lost absolutely everything.....jobs, cars, money, relationships. YOu name it, I drank it away. And yet somehow, I managed to stay alive and physically healthy. I have to believe that there's a reason I survived it all.
I'm a chronic relapser. As soon as I start to feel better, I minimize all of the consequences and think to myself 'it wasn't THAT bad....I just had bad luck. Next time will be different, etc. etc. etc.'. The whole time I would convince myself I was 'normal'.
But this time, I know it wasn't bad luck. I know that normal people don't end up in jail for stealing a beer at the supermarket. I know that normal people don't call their poor Mother and sisters in a blackout demanding money for drugs and alcohol. I know that normal people don't wait outside the convenience store at 7:57 AM wondering how they will make it until three minutes later when the stores can finally start legally selling beer and wine.
When I drink, I go to very dark places. And they continue to get darker. I become a pathetic, nasty person who is completely the opposite of who I am when I'm sober. All morals, values and judgement go out the window. And I have absolutely no idea how it will all end up or what new depths I will go to that day. I lose all control.
I am so glad that I finally know and accept that today. I have resisted it and tried every way around it that I could think of. All so that I could continue to drink. And every time I drank, I created more lows and more things I would need to drink over to get over.
I'm not drinking today. I will not. I am ready to face the consequences of my actions while drinking no matter what they are. I believe that when I walk through the fire, sober, the other side will be beautiful. I believe that because all of you tell me that. And I have many wonderful friends in recovery that have walked through that fire as well. ALL of them, every single one who have stopped drinking are happier. They faced their demons and have great lives today.
I am really grateful that SR is here. This board and all of you have really kept me going through a very dark time. I'm happy to say today that through your kind words, love and support, I'm starting to see just a little bit of light. Thank you and have a great sober day everyone!!
Steven
Every day I feel a little better. And the things that I feared so badly a week ago are still there but they are just a little bit more manageable. I don't ever want to forget all of the chaos and insanity I created by my drinking. I lost absolutely everything.....jobs, cars, money, relationships. YOu name it, I drank it away. And yet somehow, I managed to stay alive and physically healthy. I have to believe that there's a reason I survived it all.
I'm a chronic relapser. As soon as I start to feel better, I minimize all of the consequences and think to myself 'it wasn't THAT bad....I just had bad luck. Next time will be different, etc. etc. etc.'. The whole time I would convince myself I was 'normal'.
But this time, I know it wasn't bad luck. I know that normal people don't end up in jail for stealing a beer at the supermarket. I know that normal people don't call their poor Mother and sisters in a blackout demanding money for drugs and alcohol. I know that normal people don't wait outside the convenience store at 7:57 AM wondering how they will make it until three minutes later when the stores can finally start legally selling beer and wine.
When I drink, I go to very dark places. And they continue to get darker. I become a pathetic, nasty person who is completely the opposite of who I am when I'm sober. All morals, values and judgement go out the window. And I have absolutely no idea how it will all end up or what new depths I will go to that day. I lose all control.
I am so glad that I finally know and accept that today. I have resisted it and tried every way around it that I could think of. All so that I could continue to drink. And every time I drank, I created more lows and more things I would need to drink over to get over.
I'm not drinking today. I will not. I am ready to face the consequences of my actions while drinking no matter what they are. I believe that when I walk through the fire, sober, the other side will be beautiful. I believe that because all of you tell me that. And I have many wonderful friends in recovery that have walked through that fire as well. ALL of them, every single one who have stopped drinking are happier. They faced their demons and have great lives today.
I am really grateful that SR is here. This board and all of you have really kept me going through a very dark time. I'm happy to say today that through your kind words, love and support, I'm starting to see just a little bit of light. Thank you and have a great sober day everyone!!
Steven
Good for you Steve!
I went to very dark places too, even before I began drinking. Ironically I thought the drinking would help to ease that pain, but it made things so much worse.
I went to very dark places too, even before I began drinking. Ironically I thought the drinking would help to ease that pain, but it made things so much worse.
Way to go Steve...I was in very dark places too, guess thats why they call them "Blackouts"...I can't undo what I've done, but boy am I glad I can SEE what I've done, now that the light has been shown on how my control is lost while drinking. I really couldn't have made it this far without SR and the people here, glad you are part of it too ! Have a great day Steve, and everyone else too !!
I hear the weather is 100 percent chance of Sober today !!
I hear the weather is 100 percent chance of Sober today !!
Hangovers, Guilt, Poor health, Regret, Blackouts....
Rev
Congrats Steven and I too am all familiar with those dark places. I found each day sober....I am feeling better and getting more comfortable with handling things alcohol free. I have accepted an alcohol free lifestyle and I am loving it. I had a few bumps in my day and I didn't once think that alcohol would be an option.
Good stuff so please keep sharing. I love reading posts from the journeys of my sober pals. All the best!
Good stuff so please keep sharing. I love reading posts from the journeys of my sober pals. All the best!
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