Chino

I thought about doing this a while back, and just read something from Lenina (in F&F of Alcoholics forum) that got me motivated:

I've got a few and would love to read others. I write stuff like this in a purse size journal, along with inspirational/motivational sayings, and carry it with me everywhere for quick reference.

Here's mine:

If you'll forgive me for not answering, I'll forgive you for asking.

I respect your right to choose and thank you for respecting mine.

I'd rather not discuss it and thank you for understanding.

Are you asking me or telling me?

Tell me what you want, not what I or others do.

Anyone else?

BBD

Great sayings Chino. I just wish I could remember them when its neccesarry to come up with something good. I can picture me now grabbing a little booklet out of my purse and saying...wait a minute, got one for ya...Smiles, Bonnie

greeteachday

Great thread, Chino

Here are some I have used to be supportive without being sucked in and to send a message when there is a discussion I am not willing to take part in at the moment. I find that if I state it as where I am at, rather than "why would you" or "how could you," it defuses potentially explosive situations and allows a cooling off period for all. Most times, the discussion never resurfaces because the other person has moved beyond that moment.

You are a bright and talented young woman/man...I know you will figure out what works best for you.

I love you and I have utmost confidence in your ability to figure this out.

I need some time to think about this; let's talk later.

I know I am not at my best right now, so it isn't a good time for this conversation.

dollydo

I really must commend you. You accomplished losing your family, residence and job all by yourself. Well done!

Goodbye!

Chino

The mental image me LOL

My journal is full of one liners and writing stuff down helps me remember better. I'll look in it from time to time if I'm needing inspiration/guidance, and that includes when I know I'm getting close to a snake pit. I say them out loud or looking in a mirror, and repeat them until they roll off my tongue easily.

Thanks greet! They went in my little book

dolly, that isn't quite what I was looking for but oh my goodness I can't stop laughing!

dollydo

Just a little of my sick humor!

Grin!

itisatruth

Thanks Chino & others I laughed at the visual from Bonnie too....wait, wait, I have it right here....hold on....lol.

For me, these are like tools I can put in my toolbox, let them get comfortable, then when a situation comes up they have a way of finding their way out when I need them. For a total people pleaser like me, I needed more effective ways to say what I mean w/o saying it mean AND getting my point across without feeling like I let someone else down.

Love this one; I am better at using something similar instead of feeling pressured to answer something I'm not sure about.

"I will not continue this conversation if you speak to me like that. When you're ready to discuss this calmly, let me know."

Or the old stand-by, so simple, yet powerful:

No.

Seren

We have used number 1 on Greet's list a few times, and another one that has been suggested here in the past:

"Wow, that's awful! So what do you plan on doing about it?"

tjp613

Well, it speaks volumes that I don't have a single line to contribute!
<note to self: must practice boundary control>

Chino

Read something like this a while back on this forum, and shared it today with my daughter when she had issues with someone:

I can try to help you find answers, but I can't be the answer and I can't do the work for you.