Here I go again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: SOUTH,LA
Posts: 59
Here I go again
Dammit........I have to start again...went to a family reunion was handed a beer and down it went......along with the rest of the ice chest full of beer. Didn't even say to myself or my relative no thanks.......what the hell is wrong with me.....already got a DUI a few years ago....I should know better.Next time I have a function that will try me I'm going to write you fine people and ask for your help before I screwup not after.....
Thanks in advance friends.....
Lazyboy
Thanks in advance friends.....
Lazyboy
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by Lazyboy 
Next time I have a function that will try me I'm going to write you fine people and ask for your help before I screwup not after.....
There you go, LB. Reach out before you drink.
Take care of yourself.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
I wrote a post a while back about 'telling on yourself' before you pick up. It ain't easy and it's a skill like anything else. But without it then it will be very difficult to stay sober. Relapse happens way before the act of picking up again. I refer to it as my 'perfect equilibrium' whereby I can feel when I'm in balance. When I feel my balance becoming off-kilter then I have to work my recovery to get it back. This usually entails reaching out to other alcoholics/addicts. SR is a great tool for this. It's there 24/7/365.
Make a pledge to yourself that before you ever pick up again you will 'tell on yourself' first. If you pick up after that then fair enough but the chances are that you will wonder wtf you were thinking. I know it saved me many times. Boy am I grateful.
I know how hard it is. You don't want to tell anybody as you're worried they will talk you out of getting your fix. But afterwards you think was it really worth it?
Peace
Make a pledge to yourself that before you ever pick up again you will 'tell on yourself' first. If you pick up after that then fair enough but the chances are that you will wonder wtf you were thinking. I know it saved me many times. Boy am I grateful.
I know how hard it is. You don't want to tell anybody as you're worried they will talk you out of getting your fix. But afterwards you think was it really worth it?
Peace
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: far far from home
Posts: 373
I was given some practical advice re: family reunions, work functions etc.
Always bring your own car or have a way to get home ASAP if you want to leave due to an urge to drink. An escape route if you will. Bring a sober friend if possible. And always have a drink (soda, juice, etc.) in your hand to help prevent the sucker drink. Sounds too simple but that drink of soda or whatever in your hand at the moment someone offers booze to you may help prevent you from taking the booze and it getting sucked down before you know it.
When offered a drink its like a reaction "okay", if there is a drink in your hand already the reflex reaction is "I already got one", just that split second can help.
Always bring your own car or have a way to get home ASAP if you want to leave due to an urge to drink. An escape route if you will. Bring a sober friend if possible. And always have a drink (soda, juice, etc.) in your hand to help prevent the sucker drink. Sounds too simple but that drink of soda or whatever in your hand at the moment someone offers booze to you may help prevent you from taking the booze and it getting sucked down before you know it.
When offered a drink its like a reaction "okay", if there is a drink in your hand already the reflex reaction is "I already got one", just that split second can help.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hey Lazyboy - your post made me remember my dream last night where I started drinking a beer and didn't even realize it until after I'd had several gulps. In my dream, I was standing there thinking, "Now what do I do?" I couldn't decide whether I wanted to go ahead and drink the rest or not.
I don't think we always "plan" to drink, but if we don't plan NOT TO, we can get caught in a weak moment. I know it's happened to me before.
What I have to do for me is to make sure I know exactly what I'm going to drink ahead of time (preferrable something really good and refreshing). I make sure it's in my hand right away, before people start pushing the drinks. Of course, with family that you see fairly often, you may need to talk with them about it. And there always the option of waiting until you're a little stronger to go to those affairs.....
Anyway, it took courage to come back and be honest about it. So give yourself a big round of applause for that.
Really, don't get too down about it, OK? As long as you're back at it - that's the important thing.
I don't think we always "plan" to drink, but if we don't plan NOT TO, we can get caught in a weak moment. I know it's happened to me before.
What I have to do for me is to make sure I know exactly what I'm going to drink ahead of time (preferrable something really good and refreshing). I make sure it's in my hand right away, before people start pushing the drinks. Of course, with family that you see fairly often, you may need to talk with them about it. And there always the option of waiting until you're a little stronger to go to those affairs.....
Anyway, it took courage to come back and be honest about it. So give yourself a big round of applause for that.
Really, don't get too down about it, OK? As long as you're back at it - that's the important thing. Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Tell on Yourself...
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It is undoubtedly true that a relapse happens way before ever picking up that first drink. The more experienced I get in my sobriety, the more in tune with my natural 'balance' I can become. This means I get to be aware when things are slighly off balance and need to be adjusted/worked on. This will be the time that I get stuff out and share it with others too. Not only does this help me reach that 'perfect equilibrium' again but it also means that a drink is not in my mindset and never will be.
If you have reached the stage, that through trial and error you conclusively know that a drink just doesn't really work anymore, then you know that this time realistically won't be different. That doesn't mean that you won't give it another try though "just once more".
You know deep-down that it will be a disaster and set the whole terrible cycle back into motion again. But once the addict mind has it's prize set in it's sights then it is nigh on impossible to stop it from getting it's fix. It was for me.
That is where the act of grassing yourself up comes into action. It is as much as a skill as anything else in sobriety. In fact it is the skill which will make lasting sobriety possible. If you can only stop before you pick up that first drink and tell somebody else about what you're feeling and what you feel like doing then the chances are that you will realise what a huge mistake you are about to make.
If you relapse then ask yourself did you speak to somebody else in recovery before you picked up again? I know how hard it is, only another addict/alcoholic knows how difficult it is to grass yourself up before you pick up. There is nothing worse than knowing that you're going to get talked out of your buzz. But you know that the buzz don't work anymore and you'll be just filled with regret, shame and hopelessness. Before you pick up just talk to someone else first. You will almost certainly not regret it but you will regret picking back up again.
peace
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It is undoubtedly true that a relapse happens way before ever picking up that first drink. The more experienced I get in my sobriety, the more in tune with my natural 'balance' I can become. This means I get to be aware when things are slighly off balance and need to be adjusted/worked on. This will be the time that I get stuff out and share it with others too. Not only does this help me reach that 'perfect equilibrium' again but it also means that a drink is not in my mindset and never will be.
If you have reached the stage, that through trial and error you conclusively know that a drink just doesn't really work anymore, then you know that this time realistically won't be different. That doesn't mean that you won't give it another try though "just once more".
You know deep-down that it will be a disaster and set the whole terrible cycle back into motion again. But once the addict mind has it's prize set in it's sights then it is nigh on impossible to stop it from getting it's fix. It was for me.
That is where the act of grassing yourself up comes into action. It is as much as a skill as anything else in sobriety. In fact it is the skill which will make lasting sobriety possible. If you can only stop before you pick up that first drink and tell somebody else about what you're feeling and what you feel like doing then the chances are that you will realise what a huge mistake you are about to make.
If you relapse then ask yourself did you speak to somebody else in recovery before you picked up again? I know how hard it is, only another addict/alcoholic knows how difficult it is to grass yourself up before you pick up. There is nothing worse than knowing that you're going to get talked out of your buzz. But you know that the buzz don't work anymore and you'll be just filled with regret, shame and hopelessness. Before you pick up just talk to someone else first. You will almost certainly not regret it but you will regret picking back up again.
peace
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,006
You're not starting over again - you are right where you are and you've come a long way!
It can sneak up in all sorts of ways. I found that I was on guard for really big situations. My father was sick and I told my mother that she shouldnt involve me in administering the morphine and benzo pills. No need to hide them or anything, but I don't want to be doling them out. I think I was telling on myself there, and it felt good and it worked.
But when things died down and we got back to normal life - no major things on the go - it sneaks up. I am slipping now, and I feel horrible.
Why is it that I can tell you: to be easy on yourself, and to not go deeper into the slip (and think that is great advice); and I can't tell myself that?
I don't know how helpful this is, but here 'tis for what it's worth.
It can sneak up in all sorts of ways. I found that I was on guard for really big situations. My father was sick and I told my mother that she shouldnt involve me in administering the morphine and benzo pills. No need to hide them or anything, but I don't want to be doling them out. I think I was telling on myself there, and it felt good and it worked.
But when things died down and we got back to normal life - no major things on the go - it sneaks up. I am slipping now, and I feel horrible.
Why is it that I can tell you: to be easy on yourself, and to not go deeper into the slip (and think that is great advice); and I can't tell myself that?
I don't know how helpful this is, but here 'tis for what it's worth.
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Hi Spryte,
I used to do exactly the same.
Very often I would be on the bus at 11am on a Saturday and I would see the local 'alkie' who lives near me clutching his can of super strength lager. I would say to myself, the poor man needs to get to AA and get some help. And I genuinely meant it and it would have probably have been good advice if he could hear me.
The fact that it was 11am and I was clutching my bottles that I had just bought and practically shaking with anticipation of opening them when I got home 5 minutes later, just did not seem to make any connection in my mind.
I learned in AA that I was with any mental defense against the first drink. So when it came to my mind - thinking and alcohol - it just didn't work.
Spryte, wherever you are right now in terms of picking up the drink or putting it down, I glad that you are still here. Stay close to the solution. Keep coming back.
Originally Posted by spryte
Why is it that I can tell you: to be easy on yourself, and to not go deeper into the slip (and think that is great advice); and I can't tell myself that?
Very often I would be on the bus at 11am on a Saturday and I would see the local 'alkie' who lives near me clutching his can of super strength lager. I would say to myself, the poor man needs to get to AA and get some help. And I genuinely meant it and it would have probably have been good advice if he could hear me.
The fact that it was 11am and I was clutching my bottles that I had just bought and practically shaking with anticipation of opening them when I got home 5 minutes later, just did not seem to make any connection in my mind.
I learned in AA that I was with any mental defense against the first drink. So when it came to my mind - thinking and alcohol - it just didn't work.
Spryte, wherever you are right now in terms of picking up the drink or putting it down, I glad that you are still here. Stay close to the solution. Keep coming back.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Lazyboy
Sometimes it takes a few goes - especially if like me, you're not really used to asking for help...or refusing beers. Pride was a great obstacle for me.
I tried and struggled for a long time - someone told me once I could stop digging my hole anytime I liked.
Eventually I got what they meant...and I stopped digging.
I believe both you and spryte can, and will, too
D
Sometimes it takes a few goes - especially if like me, you're not really used to asking for help...or refusing beers. Pride was a great obstacle for me.
I tried and struggled for a long time - someone told me once I could stop digging my hole anytime I liked.
Eventually I got what they meant...and I stopped digging.
I believe both you and spryte can, and will, too
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: SOUTH,LA
Posts: 59
been out taking care of a few chores.......not ignoring you guys.....man ya'll are the greatest! So tired of the condicending (sp)BS other people......well never mind ......Hey Neo thanks...... you have no idea how much forwarding your post means to me .. Peace, Lazyboy
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