I'm Losing It
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I'm Losing It
I'm losing it guys. I am panicking and I feel like the world has caved in on me. I'm trying to keep this all in perspective but it is not working and now I've gone and bought a pack of smokes and am smoking again to try to deal with the stress of these a$$holes at work. And I've been doing so good with that and now I am so disappointed in myself.
Maybe they aren't alcoholics, these people who I can't deal with, these nasty people in my life. All I know right now is things were so great for so long and then BAM! it is just like the rug being pulled out from under me when the alcoholics and addicts in my life have done the MESSED UP things they did "to me." The dealings with this kind of people, the fact that I cannot seem to escape them and the sickness and dysfunction makes me feel like I have NO CONTROL over my own life.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
But I feel like I am going to be STUCK with them and therefore stressed out ALL the time and literally sick from it, forever.
This too shall pass.
Yes, at least I can see that their behavior is dysfunctional whereas long ago I would not have been able to recognize it for what it is and would have been just as sick just not know how sick of a situation I was in. Yes, I can try to get another job, to get away from them, but there probably will be another a$$hole wherever I go to.
I think I would be fine as long as I could have a boss who is not one of them.
Maybe they aren't alcoholics, these people who I can't deal with, these nasty people in my life. All I know right now is things were so great for so long and then BAM! it is just like the rug being pulled out from under me when the alcoholics and addicts in my life have done the MESSED UP things they did "to me." The dealings with this kind of people, the fact that I cannot seem to escape them and the sickness and dysfunction makes me feel like I have NO CONTROL over my own life.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
But I feel like I am going to be STUCK with them and therefore stressed out ALL the time and literally sick from it, forever.
This too shall pass.
Yes, at least I can see that their behavior is dysfunctional whereas long ago I would not have been able to recognize it for what it is and would have been just as sick just not know how sick of a situation I was in. Yes, I can try to get another job, to get away from them, but there probably will be another a$$hole wherever I go to.
I think I would be fine as long as I could have a boss who is not one of them.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
I"m so sorry! Panic attacks suck. You're doing the right things, the serenity prayer, smoking a ton of cigarettes. I know that sounds crazy but when I"ve been on the verge, somehow smoking helps, and I don't smoke! But it does have an effect that calms.
I wish I had fantastic advice but here are some big hugs.
You're going to be ok, you're very strong. (and yes I know what it's like to be strong and have a melt down. They're scary, but you're really all right Darlin)
Just let it go and stop telling yourself there will always be another a$$hole wherever you go! Don't call that sort of thing to you.
I recommend working out and really releasing all this fear. Whatever form that takes for you. It's warm out, you can even go for a run or a long walk.
Sending you a big hug!
I wish I had fantastic advice but here are some big hugs.
You're going to be ok, you're very strong. (and yes I know what it's like to be strong and have a melt down. They're scary, but you're really all right Darlin)
Just let it go and stop telling yourself there will always be another a$$hole wherever you go! Don't call that sort of thing to you.
I recommend working out and really releasing all this fear. Whatever form that takes for you. It's warm out, you can even go for a run or a long walk.
Sending you a big hug!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Sure doesn't help when a boss is one of the a***holes, and you are right that none of these jerks may be addicts (well, not to booze etc anyway), but may be just plain loud and obnoxious pains in the rear end.
It is hard to try and ignore the cr*p coming from them, especially as there is more than one involved, but at least you have validation from others there, who also feel these people are painful pests. Imagine if you were the only one who thought that?
Is there any chance of discussing this situation with someone in management, who you think may be sympathetic and able to improve it in some way.
I would suggest that if you have a boss who yells and tells lies, and the things you have described....it would be workplace harassment. Could you put this point to someone higher up?
As for smoking again, Oh......I know how that feels as I almost broke after 4 months the other week. Only reason I didn't was because I would lose face with RABF who has not had a puff either.....in spite of a lot of stressful moments.
I hope you can hold it together and hopefully get past these idiots, or take some action to have them pulled into line. Look at them as you would an active A, to be pitied but not necessarily endured.
God bless
It is hard to try and ignore the cr*p coming from them, especially as there is more than one involved, but at least you have validation from others there, who also feel these people are painful pests. Imagine if you were the only one who thought that?
Is there any chance of discussing this situation with someone in management, who you think may be sympathetic and able to improve it in some way.
I would suggest that if you have a boss who yells and tells lies, and the things you have described....it would be workplace harassment. Could you put this point to someone higher up?
As for smoking again, Oh......I know how that feels as I almost broke after 4 months the other week. Only reason I didn't was because I would lose face with RABF who has not had a puff either.....in spite of a lot of stressful moments.
I hope you can hold it together and hopefully get past these idiots, or take some action to have them pulled into line. Look at them as you would an active A, to be pitied but not necessarily endured.
God bless
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Thanks guys. I appreciate your kind words and advice. I am going to try to go outside in a bit Transform and do something in the yard. And yes, you are right Jadmack, maybe there is someone who can help me. I am going to look into that tomorrow. I need to crush these cigarettes though and go back to my cigarette-sobriety. I hate that I have relapsed, especially because recently this woman I know who is my age had a heart attack and is in really bad shape, which scared the hell out of me and now here I am trying to give myself a heart attack. 
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Honestly? (And this is not a suicide threat, it is only an expression of how I am feeling) I posted my thread to reach out because I was so panicky I felt like jumping off a bridge. I think that comes from feeling TRAPPED. No way out. I think I need to learn better ways of dealing with stress. I think I need to be better about doing the things I need to do to prevent the stress in the first place. 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
You go outside and take it out on any weed that lifts it's head above ground. Pretend it is the boss's head.
I am off to bed, heading for busy day tomorrow to finish all chores, as have foot surgery on Tuesday morning and will be on crutches for at least a week. OH for when it is all over and, please God, I am not putting all my weight on the other side any more, as it has really stirred up the arthritis in the knee, and I have had enough already.
Good night all,
God bless
I am off to bed, heading for busy day tomorrow to finish all chores, as have foot surgery on Tuesday morning and will be on crutches for at least a week. OH for when it is all over and, please God, I am not putting all my weight on the other side any more, as it has really stirred up the arthritis in the knee, and I have had enough already.
Good night all,
God bless
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Just read your last post, and stress can do so much to us, it can make life hell.
It gave me angina, and finally a heart attack, and that was enough to scare the %#@*&
out of me, so that after 50 years of puffing I actually went cold turkey.
Maybe try looking at these nuts as if they were wearing no clothes, or imagining they sound like the chipmunks, (these suggestions from a priest friend which cracked me up and blew any stress out of the water). The only problem would be keeping a straight face while doing either of those things.
God bless
It gave me angina, and finally a heart attack, and that was enough to scare the %#@*&
out of me, so that after 50 years of puffing I actually went cold turkey.
Maybe try looking at these nuts as if they were wearing no clothes, or imagining they sound like the chipmunks, (these suggestions from a priest friend which cracked me up and blew any stress out of the water). The only problem would be keeping a straight face while doing either of those things.
God bless
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: IL
Posts: 435
His mercies are new every morning, today is a new day. You can set the cigs down again.
Yep, will be problem people wherever you go. It's hard when one is your boss and so many hours are lived in the same place each day, work.
Yep, will be problem people wherever you go. It's hard when one is your boss and so many hours are lived in the same place each day, work.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Sometimes only you can decide what to do .I like Jadmack's suggestion. If not really think about what is best. I started listening to my ipod at work. Just in one ear so I can still cath what is going on round me. It has changed my whole working environment. For me, I decided to look elsewhere for a job and really screen who I need to work with. Only you can decide what is best and if you makes you feel better I am back to trying to quit the puffing. Oy. I started again after quitting for a little under a year. New day. We can begin a new..
Thank you LuLu I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
I'm so glad you reached out. We're here for you, in this little computer and in spirit.
Can I recommend turning off your brain for a little while? Take a long walk. Force yourself to stop analyzing, stop thinking. Go get lost in the woods, mountians, where ever you are, whatever surrounds you. Not the city, though. Got a car?
Can I recommend turning off your brain for a little while? Take a long walk. Force yourself to stop analyzing, stop thinking. Go get lost in the woods, mountians, where ever you are, whatever surrounds you. Not the city, though. Got a car?
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: IL
Posts: 435
Learn2Live, He sees and knows and wants you to live in the width and depth of his love. ( I myself need this reminder today, really every day :-), so my anxious hear is with you today in prayer. Here ya go......)
* Ephesians 14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
*20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,........
Psalm 18 ( there is a total of 50 verses in this psalm, here are 3, for you heart when those who surround you behave towards you as an ememy)
1 I love you, O LORD, my strength.
2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn [a] of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies. ......
* Ephesians 14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
*20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,........
Psalm 18 ( there is a total of 50 verses in this psalm, here are 3, for you heart when those who surround you behave towards you as an ememy)
1 I love you, O LORD, my strength.
2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn [a] of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies. ......
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Learn2live..Hebrews is one of my favorites...Its about getting what we are promised. To me that is my prayers.
9Even though we speak like this, dear friends, we are confident of better things in your case—things that accompany salvation.
10God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.
11We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure.
12We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.
9Even though we speak like this, dear friends, we are confident of better things in your case—things that accompany salvation.
10God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.
11We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure.
12We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 566
L2L,
Listen, Honey, you're doing fine. If everything just went along hunky-dorey forever you'd totally take it for granted, right? Besides, we need opportunities to put up our dukes and stand our ground, whatever that looks like.
You have SO MANY tools. Why are you giving your power away? You've essentially asked me the same thing and it has been helpful. Why do these a$$holes have this effect? You're not feeling balanced, right? What's REALLY behind that?
This is an opportunity to peel back another layer. If we were never in pain we wouldn't have a reason to change anything, to grow, to strengthen.
You know all of this inside of you. I know because you've told me the same thing...we tend to forget, so I'm gently reminding you.
Breathe, take a walk, hold that upset inner kiddo, write a gratitude list...even if it's to say that you're grateful for not having jumped off the bridge. Go to a meeting.
And please, definitely keep posting.
Hugs,
posie
Listen, Honey, you're doing fine. If everything just went along hunky-dorey forever you'd totally take it for granted, right? Besides, we need opportunities to put up our dukes and stand our ground, whatever that looks like.
You have SO MANY tools. Why are you giving your power away? You've essentially asked me the same thing and it has been helpful. Why do these a$$holes have this effect? You're not feeling balanced, right? What's REALLY behind that?
This is an opportunity to peel back another layer. If we were never in pain we wouldn't have a reason to change anything, to grow, to strengthen.
You know all of this inside of you. I know because you've told me the same thing...we tend to forget, so I'm gently reminding you.
Breathe, take a walk, hold that upset inner kiddo, write a gratitude list...even if it's to say that you're grateful for not having jumped off the bridge. Go to a meeting.
And please, definitely keep posting.
Hugs,
posie
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 132
hang in there...and keep posting. I am so thankful that i found this site. I believe venting helps when you can get some positive feedback!
Jerks are everywhere in this world. I am still trying to learn to deal with people. Its hard. But keep your chin up!
Jerks are everywhere in this world. I am still trying to learn to deal with people. Its hard. But keep your chin up!
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Thank you Posie. Thank you for trying to help me. No worries, I am not at all offended or on guard. These are all really good questions.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Right. I don't know.
Does anybody have any ideas what could be some answers?
Thanks.
Why are you giving your power away?
Why do these a$$holes have this effect?
You're not feeling balanced, right? What's REALLY behind that?
Does anybody have any ideas what could be some answers?
Thanks.
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