mrphillipctrs1

Hi everyone,

I have been reading these forums for some time and it has helped with what I have been going through. My XAGF has been in a rehab home for over a year and a half and up until recently was doing very, very well. We spoke on the phone mostly and I atteneded church with her at the same location. She turned her life over to God and subsequently I did too. She has been fighting with her exhusband over custody issues and it has been dragging her down quite a bit. About a month ago, she got a great job and got back in school. She did have one relapse while she was there and I told her the only way I would talk to her was if she went back. About three weeks ago, maybe a little less, she relapsed again, and this time it was a doozy. She is one that when she drinks, she DRINKS! I knew that she had been drinking, so I told her that I would not help her get anything done. She did some pretty terrible things this time and it hurt me pretty bad. She did return to the rehab place this past Saturday and I attended church with her last Sunday. I could feel the tension between us and I talked to her about it. What I did not know at the time, is that she was drinking (more nursing) after she went back to the rehab. I told her Sunday night that I felt I was helping her too much, so I we both decided it would be best if we took some time off, no phone calls, no texts only the occasional letter.

She agreed and I felt better about it, that she was going to pick herself back up and do this on her own. Then Monday night comes and I get a call from a member of the church asking me why I was trying to prevent her from leaving the rehab, long story short this guy has feelings for her and is a recovering alocoholic himself. I tried to explain to him that she was manipulating him, but he wouldn't have it. So I call the director of the place, to see what is going on and lo and behold, my XAGF, got so drunk at the rehab place, that when they tested her, she was .30, as high as their tester would score.

Subsequently come to find out that she did not go with the church member, but instead has gone to live with a guy that was her nurse at the detox center! She told me she had feelings for him and that she was not in love with me. The nurse is 12 years sober, but I am pretty sure that she lied about the incident at rehab. I know she was tired of being there, but her favorite thing to do is run. The nurse also told her that he was "in love" with her.

I know that I was used by an alcoholic, even though I have known this girl for over 20 years. I did not know about the effects it would have on me, and I have lost quite a bit as a result. I know that I need to take care of myself and give the rest to God.

I can't help to think that she is never going to get better and may jeopordize the 12 years of recovery this guy has. He is a good guy I have met him, but he just got out of a relationship with a married woman and has 5 previous marriages himself. Does misery love company?

Heartbroken, but still alive.

Phillip

Still Waters

He's a big boy, she's a big girl, and you only need worry about you.

It's hard though, to watch the trainwreck isn't it?

Starburst

hello and welcome to SR, i am sorry for your pain. i feel if you are not married its best all round not to be involved, rather be friends, she may recover, but as I have found out, they can relapse at any time. You need to concentrate on you. She really has to want to get better and she has rehab. I hope you find some peace and healing. Keep reading & Keep posting, there lots of people here who will support you. (((HUGS)))

dollydo

Hi,

Sorry for all the turmoil. However, later on you will realize that this is the best thing that could have happened to you.

You are now free to move forward with your life and get out of a toxic relationship.

Hate to say it, she'll probably come a knockin on your door again, it is the nature of the "A".
Hopefully you'll be strong enough to just say "NO".

Keep posting, we are here for you.

Dolly

PieRat

I agree with still waters.

Dude I am married to an AW. I actually envy you, you have no binding contract to worry about, much less a child. Anyway I am not taking anything away from the pain you must be feeling. Focus on you though. Get yourself right!

mrphillipctrs1

Thanks everybody, SR is really a God send to me right now. The day that it happened, I actually ffelt a relief off of my shoulders, sad, but a relief.

I spoke with her new bo today to make arrangements to get some stuff back and he told me that he was still sick too. I said well don't invite me to the wedding!

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family Phillip!

We are glad you are here. Thanks for taking the time to introduce yourself.

You will find lots of support and information here. We are open 24/7.

Have you tried Alanon meetings for face to face support?

mrphillipctrs1

I did prior to her going into the program she was most recently in. I think I got more out of it than she did, sigh?

I know of an Al Anon meeting close to where I live, and I know one of the people there that I can contact. I was actually thinking about that this evening.

Thanks,

Learn2Live

This made me LOL! Thanks for the laugh! You sound like you have got it together. I am so glad you already have a higher power. You are light years ahead of where I was when I was going thru this kind of thing (many years ago) with my XABF. They sure don't make any sense or honor any commitments do they? It will be good for you to go to Al-Anon and get to meet people going thru the same things as you.

mrphillipctrs1

Yes God is getting me through it. We are still working on my need to say something smarta##, in her general direction, but it is a lot better than the day it happened.