lilbinks

Here is my first video diary entry from youtube...So hard for me to watch...

Gano

You not alone lilbinks. Everyone is here for you. Hang in there, the anxiety gets better.

Dee74

The wonderful thing about SR, lilibinks, is...you're not alone anymore.
I still remember the joy and relief when I realised that myself.

You can get out of the hole and change your life, like so many here have.
Believe it

Have you got a strategy?
D

NewMe11109

Hi Lilbiks -

You are not alone. I watched your video. Thank you for sharing.

I am glad that you are going to AA tonight. You also mentioned that you went off your meds. I would recommend that you go see a doctor and be completely honest with them.

Alcohol withdrawal + sudden stopping of anxiety medication can be a deadly combination.

We are here for you. Please reach out and ask for help at the AA meeting.

You are taking the right next step. It does get better. Today, I know, it just sucks - but every day of not drinking and being in recovery brings a new way of living and new opportunities. Take care. Hang in there.

lilbinks

I think right now, my best plan is to go to as many meetings as I can and meet as many women as i possibly can. I have so few people in my life, so i think that is my major first step. After some time, I am going to figure out which medications are best by talking to my doctor.....but right now, as much as it hurts, I want to feel all of this. I don't want to be numb and go back to this misery.

I am looking forward to a bright LONG happy future...I know it is out there...

artsoul

Hi lilbinks - it takes courage to reach out for help, so kudos for doing that. The good news is that you're young and have every chance to get your life back before things get worse. I know it's overwhelming right now, but with support, you can recover! Hope you have a great meeting. Let us know how you're doing.:ghug3

Dee74

Thanks for your reply lilibinks
It's very early in the morning here and I totally forgot you were going to AA


D

Hevyn

Hi lilbinks - my heart goes out to you for the pain you're in. The intense anxiety you're feeling right now will subside. I too hope you get some professional help for your withdrawals.

One day that sad lady in the video will find her tears have dried. She'll find her smile again. She'll see the sun again. We look forward to that day.

smacked

Just wanted to welcome you, and thank you for sharing such an intimate journey with us. You are for sure not alone with this stuff.

Brucel

Thankyou,
With that attitude you are well on your way to a new life and a new happiness. Great idea about going to meetings and meeting women who have and are recovering. Good luck and God Bless

NoHo

Last night I was sitting out in the open air thinking about the number of times I'd been in the exact same place, only drinking myself to near sleep. I thought of times of feeling misunderstood, isolated, depressed. I wondered to myself whether, back in those moments, if given the choice to spend the rest of my life with only a single other human being or an endless supply of booze, I wouldn't choose the booze. There are times when the choice would have sadly been the booze. Loneliness is a hard place to be sober, so please choose not to be lonely. Whether through this board, AA meetings, etc., you really don't need to feel isolated the way you describe in the video. You are so far from alone ...

ozgoddess

Hi lilbinks

Welcome to SR. This is a great place and I have never felt alone since I joined this website. Actually, it is more than that - it becomes an extended family.

You will get a lot of different advice because people have been through different experiences, however at the end of the day the one thing we have in common is addiction. We all know the pain of admitting and dealing with that and will be happy to help you get through this.

I think you are incredibly brave to post your video and share your pain like you have. I send you love and encouragement. You don't have to be alone anymore.

lilbinks

Thank you all for your kind words. I cannot believe I am actually going to allow people into my dark world by putting those videos up everyday on youtube, but I am tired of hiding, of being ashamed, and fearful of letting people see what is truly going on with me right now. I am tired of being alone and hiding in the devastation alcohol and an eating disorder have left in my life. I have so much to give and love people so much....it is time I love myself. I want a family, a healthy relationship, and friends in my life. I won't get there the path I am going. I want to be the good and secure person I know lives deep within me.

I am going to my first meeting in about 4 months in an hour and a half. I am looking forward to raising my hand...letting people know that I am new and asking for help. There is no shame in leaning on others to get me through the beginning of this very tough time in my life. I know that my tears now will dry and I will be able to live and function in this world....I look to the future with optimism because all of you are here and because AA exists....Thank you for being here for me

KINGOFNEWYORK

Welcome. A very brave step you have taken, and selfless to share it with us...Thank you...Things will start to get better now.. as you can see by all the replies that you are most certainly not alone, and can reach out at any time here at SR. I did, and do every day. Keep us posted, we are here for you.

DayTrader

You're doing the right thing.....ie, doing something different. I know that feeling of hopelessness and it darn-near makes the drinking problem seem trivial. I think you'll find some awesome answers/remedies in AA.

Kmber2010

Hey Karen....just checking in. Good chatting last night and hope is going well. Keep posting and blogging is good. If you don't feel like posting videos you can always do a blog on here.

How did the meeting go? Looking forward to hearing about it and you. Know that you aren't alone. We all been there friend.

One day at a time!! So glad you are sober!

NewBeginning010

Wow! That took a lot of courage, I am sure your story is already helping others. As sad as it is we sometimes have to hit a real low to "get it".

You seem like a good person that has had some major challenges in her life, I am sure you can to this with the new conviction that you now have.

You have found a wonderful new online home here at SR & I hope your AA meetings go well for you.

I look forward to seeing you grow into your sobriety/recovery & becoming the happy, healthy beautiful young woman you deserve to be. Please take care of yourself & make sure you have an open honest meeting with your doctor.

You can do this lilbinks, you really can

We are all here for you

Take Care,

NB

Toronto68

Lil, did anything new happen since you went to the meeting(s)?

I was also wondering about the bulimia and whether you have any plans for that. I was afraid to ask last night for some reason.