lilbinks

I sit here in tears and feel as thought I have no where else to turn to. Alcohol and an eating disorder have taken everything from my life, except for a place to live. Having absolutely no one in your life because you have either pushed them away or they do not want to be a part of your reckless behavior, forces me to look at myself in a way I never had to in the past. I am so alone, scared, and tortured by my own existence that I fear waking up every day and pray for night to come so I can go back to sleep (most of the time this is the only time I have peace). The thoughts of suicide are devastating and overwhelming and if I didn't have to take care of my 3 dogs, I would probably have done it, but there is going to come the day when my dogs aren't enough if I dan't change my life.

I already plan on going to a women's meeting tomorrow and really hope I can find some support there. I feel like I am already dead and it terrifies me. I want to live so badly, but I hate my life. I guess I am writing on here seeking some support and someone to hold my hand through the beginning of this journey. I am tired of being scared and alone and would love some support from the community as I dive head first into sobriety....

Chavo

Rock bottom sometimes helps us make the best of decisions and being sober is one of those "best decisions".

Good luck and Keep coming back!:ghug3
Chavo

gravity

You gotta start somewhere! I went to my first meeting on December 17, 2007 and have not had a drink since! Life is pretty okay! Give it your all and you will get results. Take care.

Hevyn

Welcome to the family, lil. You've made a wise decision - this place saved my life almost 3 yrs. ago. I've never looked back since joining, and I felt just like you described when I first came here. You'll never be alone - you have us now. We completely understand where you've been - like most other people in your life never can.

It's good you're going to a meeting. It would also be good to get medical advice, if at all possible. As miserable as you feel right now, this can be the end of it. You never have to go through this again. You will learn to live in a whole new way - and I know it's possible, because I did it after 25 yrs. of almost daily drinking.

Keep talking to us, lil - we care about you.

gardner

Hello. There are many people here that believe in you. I am one. I was in a place not long ago where I thought there was no way out. I am here to tell you that there is a way out.

Realizing that you have a problem is so much of the battle. Feel triumphant that you have identified that what you are doing isn't working and that you desire to find a new way. Going to a woman's meeting tomorrow sounds like a great step. Keep reading here and posting. You are not alone. Thank you for sharing your story.

Soph

Lilbinks, posting was such a great idea! And you are ready to make a change for the better - well done! Hope you do get to the women's meeting and hope you can get a temporary sponsor, someone to call.

Everyone has to start somewhere! You're doing great.

Hugs,

Soph

lilbinks

Thank you so much for your support....I am terrified, but it is nice to know I can come on here and get my thoughts down when i feel like they are eating me alive. I will certainly keep you guys posted on how the meeting goes tomorrow. I have been in and out of those rooms for years...it is time that I stay in. I won't survive in the life I am currently living....I want freedom from my chains.

Dee74

I was down and out three years ago lilibinks...I'd nearly died...I wqanted to live but I didn't know the first thing about doing that sober - I'd been drunk for 15 years.

I took it a day at a time
and I found an incredible source of support and advice here

I'm glad you've joined us!

D

artsoul

hi lilbinks! I'm so glad you're here. I've been relying heavily on this place for the past month and it's been a wonderful support. Try to remember to just take it day at a time. The anxiety and depression will begin to lift and you'll feel stronger again. You can make it this time!