3 Years Later Still Cant Face It
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 19
3 Years Later Still Cant Face It
i have been seperated from my addict for 3 years now. Still have kept in touch with him but have not been living with him or dating him for 3 years. I still consider him my very good friend, after all, we were together for 13 years.
Anyways, 3 years later and i still find that i cant talk about anything i went through with him and the addiction. I cant watch movies like intervention, I instantly start to panic, if people (my new fiance specifically) want to talk about it or ask me questions abut it, I instantly get anxious and I cant talk about any of it. I find that it is hard for me to even engage in a conversation about addiction to anyone (except for my ex, and thats only cause he knows what i went thru with him). I guess I am wandering if anyone else has done this and if I should seek counseling for it. I feel like there is a reason i cant face it and that is because i have never ever talked about it and still cant.
Trying to move on with my life and still feel like maybe a part of me is still being held back because i have never faced some of the issues that may have become from going through something that was pretty tramatic for me.
Anyways, 3 years later and i still find that i cant talk about anything i went through with him and the addiction. I cant watch movies like intervention, I instantly start to panic, if people (my new fiance specifically) want to talk about it or ask me questions abut it, I instantly get anxious and I cant talk about any of it. I find that it is hard for me to even engage in a conversation about addiction to anyone (except for my ex, and thats only cause he knows what i went thru with him). I guess I am wandering if anyone else has done this and if I should seek counseling for it. I feel like there is a reason i cant face it and that is because i have never ever talked about it and still cant.
Trying to move on with my life and still feel like maybe a part of me is still being held back because i have never faced some of the issues that may have become from going through something that was pretty tramatic for me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Ever considered some counseling/therapy? I found my issues did not stay swept under the rug, no matter how hard I tried. They didn't just magically disappear one day.
Those issues affected every relationship I had until I brought them out into the light, exposing them, and I worked through them.
Those issues affected every relationship I had until I brought them out into the light, exposing them, and I worked through them.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: chico, ca
Posts: 321
I believe the answer is what you already said. Seek professional help! It's normal to be affected by us and our behaviors. After I got sober my wife sought help and then we went as a couple. There are programs like alanon and narconon for family members, but for my wife it was counseling with someone familiar with PTSD that really brought us back to balance. You don't have to still be with the person to suffer the effects of PTSD. God Bless
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
You're aware and asking, so that means you're ready to do something about it.
I'm 46 and have had PTSD since I was 16. I wasn't compelled to face it until I was 25. It involved a few years of therapy because of all the time that had lapsed in between. Crap accumulated on top of crap and I had to dig out from the bottom of the pile.
It was hard at first but I knew my life was going to spiral out of control if I didn't keep at it.
Flash forward 11 years and my PTSD symptoms came back when my RAD started acting out as a young teenager. I felt like I was under attack and reacted badly. My former therapist had brought up codependency back then, but I was in denial, and my daughter and I ended up paying the consequences.
When I became aware of her addiction, I got my ass back into therapy because codie denial was no longer an option. Codependency and PTSD were feeding off each other.
I'm much more aware of PTSD symptoms and codie behaviors now, and work really hard at responding, not reacting. Most days I'm successful, but it's because I'm actively working recovery from both issues.
I guess the bottom line is that left untreated, PTSD and codependency will continue to haunt and debilitate you. Life doesn't get easier the older we get, but the way we live it can
I'm 46 and have had PTSD since I was 16. I wasn't compelled to face it until I was 25. It involved a few years of therapy because of all the time that had lapsed in between. Crap accumulated on top of crap and I had to dig out from the bottom of the pile.
It was hard at first but I knew my life was going to spiral out of control if I didn't keep at it.
Flash forward 11 years and my PTSD symptoms came back when my RAD started acting out as a young teenager. I felt like I was under attack and reacted badly. My former therapist had brought up codependency back then, but I was in denial, and my daughter and I ended up paying the consequences.
When I became aware of her addiction, I got my ass back into therapy because codie denial was no longer an option. Codependency and PTSD were feeding off each other.
I'm much more aware of PTSD symptoms and codie behaviors now, and work really hard at responding, not reacting. Most days I'm successful, but it's because I'm actively working recovery from both issues.
I guess the bottom line is that left untreated, PTSD and codependency will continue to haunt and debilitate you. Life doesn't get easier the older we get, but the way we live it can
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I too have PTSD and have had to work through it to find my balance today.
Therapy is an excellent idea. When we have trouble facing or talking about any specific area of our lives, there is a deeply rooted problem that cannot be stuffed any more.
Hugs
Therapy is an excellent idea. When we have trouble facing or talking about any specific area of our lives, there is a deeply rooted problem that cannot be stuffed any more.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 19
Thank you very much for all the comments. In my new relationship i have been with a guy for a year and he is so great. he is responsible has his head on straight honest man and yet i still have all these issues coming up that keep a wall between me and him. It is almost as if i feel like i cant love him fully. It is sad for me to hear msyelf say it but i feel like he could walk away and i wouldnt feel much; that is one of my problems; i dont feel like i can really love like i should. I feel like i constantly build a wall around me and I dont want to let anyone in. I think my new relationship is what is finally making this apparent to me.
I really appreciate the comments. Even though i feel like i already knew the answer it helps to know that others have went years and still felt the effects of their past and also just to hear words of encouragement.
I really appreciate the comments. Even though i feel like i already knew the answer it helps to know that others have went years and still felt the effects of their past and also just to hear words of encouragement.
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