At a loss for words....so sad
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: rochester NH
Posts: 109
At a loss for words....so sad
Ok so if you had read my last post my brother went into a detox last week...he stayed the full 7 days and then left, no beds in the program so my mom was sick and couldnt pick him up, she western unioned money to him so he could take the train back to his house. He met up with a girl that had left detox the previous day and she offered to drive him home for gas money, he gave he 20 for gas, while they were driving she pulled over and pulled out her stash of heroin, got high and offered to my brother ( i didnt know this til last night) of course he did it with her. All week he has sounded off to me and blamed it on sleeping pills.....i didnt buy it. So 3 days after leaving detox he was trying to get back in told us he took xanex and couldnt get into the 6 month prog with it in his system...we knew it wasnt xanex. Anyway everone refused him because you have to be out of detox 14 days in order for it to become a habbit again, i called to make sure he was telling the truth, woman was real rude! So anyway he kept callin them back crying, begging for help, his insurance said they would pay for it but he didnt didnt understand the rule i guess.
SO, last night he found a place that would take him, i was talking to him while he was packing his stuff and waiting for my mother. he was saying he is going to give it his all this time, he has a child on the way and just wants to be a good father, and he knows he needs this.
Next thing he says is oh my god nichole there is a swat team surrounding my house.....i thought he was lying. Then he tells me he swears on everything he loves they were there, i heard them kicking in the downstairs door and he tells me hes going to jail he robbed a gas station!!! So i hear then bang in the other door take his phone throw him on the ground, he was saying my sister is on the phone dont scare her please dont scare her, so after things quieted down i hung up.
He called from police station to my mom and then me.....he confessed to everything because he needs help bad. He robbed a gas station TWO times....first time he had a knife, second he sent a note saying he had a gun, there was no gun, he was very upset all he wanted was help and he kept getting refused.
so then i called his roomate to make arrangements to get his belongings, but the police answered the phone, he apologized that i had to hear that happen but it was for their saftey they didnt know if he was armed, he said after talking to him he knows hes just a kid that bottomed out that no one would help when he was begging for help.
There was NO knife so one of the armed robbies should be dropped to robbery, he said he is such a nice kid, very polite and looking at his record he is not a criminal, all his charges were drug related, he was never out to hurt anyone. During the robbery he did not cover his face and he said that works out in his favor along with not having a gun....he said he is going to talk to the DA and see if some of his jail time can be served in a state substance abuse program for inmates
he is being arrained this morning.........Im glad his bottom was this and not death but im still lost and very sad!
Hearing that on the phone knowing i couldnt help him when they were bashing in the door killed me.......but he is ok
Im going to need people to talk with and some support, so i will keep coming back....please keep him in your prayers, his name is david and he is only 23 yrs old and is honestly a very good kid when he is clean, he would never ever ever hurt a soul!! Thanks for reading
SO, last night he found a place that would take him, i was talking to him while he was packing his stuff and waiting for my mother. he was saying he is going to give it his all this time, he has a child on the way and just wants to be a good father, and he knows he needs this.
Next thing he says is oh my god nichole there is a swat team surrounding my house.....i thought he was lying. Then he tells me he swears on everything he loves they were there, i heard them kicking in the downstairs door and he tells me hes going to jail he robbed a gas station!!! So i hear then bang in the other door take his phone throw him on the ground, he was saying my sister is on the phone dont scare her please dont scare her, so after things quieted down i hung up.
He called from police station to my mom and then me.....he confessed to everything because he needs help bad. He robbed a gas station TWO times....first time he had a knife, second he sent a note saying he had a gun, there was no gun, he was very upset all he wanted was help and he kept getting refused.
so then i called his roomate to make arrangements to get his belongings, but the police answered the phone, he apologized that i had to hear that happen but it was for their saftey they didnt know if he was armed, he said after talking to him he knows hes just a kid that bottomed out that no one would help when he was begging for help.
There was NO knife so one of the armed robbies should be dropped to robbery, he said he is such a nice kid, very polite and looking at his record he is not a criminal, all his charges were drug related, he was never out to hurt anyone. During the robbery he did not cover his face and he said that works out in his favor along with not having a gun....he said he is going to talk to the DA and see if some of his jail time can be served in a state substance abuse program for inmates
he is being arrained this morning.........Im glad his bottom was this and not death but im still lost and very sad!
Hearing that on the phone knowing i couldnt help him when they were bashing in the door killed me.......but he is ok
Im going to need people to talk with and some support, so i will keep coming back....please keep him in your prayers, his name is david and he is only 23 yrs old and is honestly a very good kid when he is clean, he would never ever ever hurt a soul!! Thanks for reading
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 540
Saying prayers for your brother. I am the mother of a 23 year old AS. My heart goes out to you.
I know how lost and sad you are for him. He may now get the help he needs, just pray this is his bottom. If they do not pay the consequences, they have no reason to work on recovery. Took me a very long time to realize this and I still remind myself when I see AS in pain. He has to get to a point where he is sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Glad your here, lots of knowledgeable and kind people here.
I know how lost and sad you are for him. He may now get the help he needs, just pray this is his bottom. If they do not pay the consequences, they have no reason to work on recovery. Took me a very long time to realize this and I still remind myself when I see AS in pain. He has to get to a point where he is sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Glad your here, lots of knowledgeable and kind people here.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Such a sad, sad story Nichole. I am so very sorry. I hate these #&%* drugs!!!
Please post as often as you need to -- we are definitely here to support YOU through this experience.
Prayers for your family. ((HUGS))
Please post as often as you need to -- we are definitely here to support YOU through this experience.
Prayers for your family. ((HUGS))
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Nichole))) I WILL pray for you, your brother and your family.
I'm sorry, but this is often where drugs will take you. I was an RN, ended up on the streets, smoking crack. Ended up in jail..not for the same thing, but definitely not proud of what I did to get me there.
He's where he needs to be. Jail gave me enough clean time to clear my head. I stayed away from dope for quite a while, though I will say I relapsed for a very short time (less than 2 weeks). THAT'S when I hit bottom..knowing I was one step away from PRISON because I was on probation.
It takes what it takes for us A's to "get it" and I HATE what we do to our families through all of it. Unfortunately, we're not even thinking of that, at the time...we're searching for that *&&#)$ high. Oh yeah..we're EXTREMELY remorseful when the high wears off and we realize what we've done (most of us, anyway).
I know he's a "good guy", but I've got to say...I've been robbed, twice, at work, and even though he didn't brandish a weapon, the people he robbed probably weren't SURE of that, didn't know that someone else wasn't there with a weapon, and it's really, really traumatic. It changes your life forever...takes away your very sense of security. I am also praying for the people he robbed.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm sorry, but this is often where drugs will take you. I was an RN, ended up on the streets, smoking crack. Ended up in jail..not for the same thing, but definitely not proud of what I did to get me there.
He's where he needs to be. Jail gave me enough clean time to clear my head. I stayed away from dope for quite a while, though I will say I relapsed for a very short time (less than 2 weeks). THAT'S when I hit bottom..knowing I was one step away from PRISON because I was on probation.
It takes what it takes for us A's to "get it" and I HATE what we do to our families through all of it. Unfortunately, we're not even thinking of that, at the time...we're searching for that *&&#)$ high. Oh yeah..we're EXTREMELY remorseful when the high wears off and we realize what we've done (most of us, anyway).
I know he's a "good guy", but I've got to say...I've been robbed, twice, at work, and even though he didn't brandish a weapon, the people he robbed probably weren't SURE of that, didn't know that someone else wasn't there with a weapon, and it's really, really traumatic. It changes your life forever...takes away your very sense of security. I am also praying for the people he robbed.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
I am so sorry Nichole. That is something that will be hard to block out of your mind. My xah did things that were completely out of character when he was on drugs. I agree with Amy, maybe jail is what he needs to make him realize. It has helped my xah immensely. Try to take care of yourself, ok
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I'm sorry too Nicole, and will keep you and your brother in my prayers.
You know, I have found that sometimes God's gifts come in strange wrappings. This may be just what he needs to take his recovery very seriously and get back on a good path.
Heroin kills even nice people like your brother. He's alive, he's in a good place right now under the circumstances and there is hope that he will use this lesson and be led to a better life.
Hugs to you, I can only imagine how frightening this all was for you.
You know, I have found that sometimes God's gifts come in strange wrappings. This may be just what he needs to take his recovery very seriously and get back on a good path.
Heroin kills even nice people like your brother. He's alive, he's in a good place right now under the circumstances and there is hope that he will use this lesson and be led to a better life.
Hugs to you, I can only imagine how frightening this all was for you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
Also, something to keep in mind if you start to become angry at the system...you really don't know the whole truth of what happened at the robberies or at the rehab. When an addict tells you the truth, we usually "clean it up" a little or a lot to make ourselves sound like victims. When we do what we do, we get what we get. He is lucky to be alive. When he comes out, think very hard before you lend any money or allow him to stay with you. He needs to stay at rehab and recovery houses for a couple of years before he's allowed back home again. Otherwise, you'll end up getting used.
It's not that we're bad people, it's just where our disease takes us. You don't need to go along for the ride. If you can, love him from a distance until he's clean for a couple of years. I don't mean to sound hard, it's just what I've seen of the disease, from myself and others.
Love,
KJ
It's not that we're bad people, it's just where our disease takes us. You don't need to go along for the ride. If you can, love him from a distance until he's clean for a couple of years. I don't mean to sound hard, it's just what I've seen of the disease, from myself and others.
Love,
KJ
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
Originally Posted by Nichole78 
.he confessed to everything because he needs help bad. He robbed a gas station TWO times....first time he had a knife, second he sent a note saying he had a gun, there was no gun, he was very upset all he wanted was help and he kept getting refused.
My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how terrifying that phone call was.
I highlighted the quote above because of what you said at the end of the sentence.
He did not rob the station because all he wanted was help. He robbed it because how he deals with life, when a blow is sent his way, is get high and make it go away. Of course it only goes away temporarily.
Please resist the urge to makes excuses for him. He likely makes them for himself as well, but you do not have to buy into it. If and when his treatment works for him, his thinking will change. He will take responsibility for what he has done.
I'm sorry this is so stressful, but glad that he has the chance to turn things around.
Of course David is a wonderful person when he's clean. I hope he soon will be again.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Jail is not a cure for drug addiction OR stupidity. But it's a good place for addicts who are a danger to themselves and other people.
Hands off the addict.
Focus on your own recovery - read co-dependent no more. attend al-anon meetings. Work as hard on yourself as you wish your brother would work on himself.
That's all that you can control.
And don't believe the crocodile tears that fall from the eyes of a drug addict who is sitting in jail. Actions speak louder than words. And his most recent actions say that he is a violent criminal with an out of control addiction to Heroin.
Hands off the addict.
Focus on your own recovery - read co-dependent no more. attend al-anon meetings. Work as hard on yourself as you wish your brother would work on himself.
That's all that you can control.
And don't believe the crocodile tears that fall from the eyes of a drug addict who is sitting in jail. Actions speak louder than words. And his most recent actions say that he is a violent criminal with an out of control addiction to Heroin.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by hello-kitty
Focus on your own recovery - read co-dependent no more. attend al-anon meetings. Work as hard on yourself as you wish your brother would work on himself.
"Work the program you wish they would"
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
Nichole,
I pray this is his bottom, but we never know what the addicts bottom is, it is not our to determine.
I agree with all everyone else has posted - it is time to be taking care of you, focusing on you. Let your brother deal with his consequences as they come, they were his actions.
I pray this is his bottom, but we never know what the addicts bottom is, it is not our to determine.
I agree with all everyone else has posted - it is time to be taking care of you, focusing on you. Let your brother deal with his consequences as they come, they were his actions.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
I am sending up a prayer that your brother "gets it" this time. However I feel a need to bring you a dose of reality:
1) Telling someone you have a weapon, even if you don't, is treated the same as armed robbery under the law. He should expect no break here.
2) Jails and prisons are full of drugs. The guards themselves are the suppliers. You can get anything you want in there, but you have to have cash or sex to get it.
Hopefully your brother is not too far gone that he will do sexual favors for drugs. But please be very careful about how much money you give him when he is inside. He will need some for toothpaste, etc. but give him the absolute minimum.
Sorry you are going through all this, I hope things get better.
1) Telling someone you have a weapon, even if you don't, is treated the same as armed robbery under the law. He should expect no break here.
2) Jails and prisons are full of drugs. The guards themselves are the suppliers. You can get anything you want in there, but you have to have cash or sex to get it.
Hopefully your brother is not too far gone that he will do sexual favors for drugs. But please be very careful about how much money you give him when he is inside. He will need some for toothpaste, etc. but give him the absolute minimum.
Sorry you are going through all this, I hope things get better.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 212
You need to take care of yourself and definitely get a copy of the book "Codependent No More." I thought it would be a hokey self help book, but it has helped me immensely. Once you take care of yourself you can think more clearly and start to see through the lies he tells you and the lies you tell yourself. Sounds harsh but the best thing I ever did was back off. I did not leave my ABF, but I stopped making myself nuts and started living my own life. I owe a lot of that to the people here in SR. I recently told my ABF that as long as he is moving forward and taking steps towards recovery I will support him, but if he does not I will detach or at some point reach my breaking point. It may be harder for you to do because he is your brother , but you CAN learn to live your own life, support him in his good times and detach during the bad. Your well being and sanity is important, don't forget that in all of this. Take a break, hang out with friends, do something for YOU.
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